Porn star rights Customs’ wrong

by Tom Johansmeyer on

A Brooklyn guy was faced with the worst of scenarios. Coming through customs on a return trip from Puerto Rico, he was cuffed in San Juan. He was accused of transporting child pornography, because a copy of the DVD “Little Lupe the Innocent” was found in his bags. Of course, Carlos Simon-Timmerman claimed his innocence, so in his mind at least, he was staring down two decades in prison for something he didn’t do.

At times like this, you cross your fingers and hope for a knight in shining armor to rescue you. Carlos got his knight … in the form of porn star Lupe Fuentes. He was freed from the can when Lupe flew down to Puerto Rico earlier this month to prove in court that she was 19 when the movie was made. The fact that she produced her passport and photo identification was much more compelling than the pediatrician called by the feds who insisted that the actress was underage.

So, if you’re taking porn through customs, you may want to do a little research. Get the stars’ cell numbers, or keep copies of their documents on file. You never know when you’ll need it.

And, just for fun, do you know what Carlos does for a living?

Ding dong … you’re pizza’s here.

Customs finds snakes and geckos strapped to passenger

by Sean McLachlan on

The fine folks at Travelocity did a poll a couple of months ago to find out the most annoying type of passenger to be seated next to on an airplane. People with poor hygiene and those who cough or sneeze came out on top, but there’s one category they missed–the guy with reptiles strapped to his body.

Customs officials in Norway have arrested a man who had 14 royal pythons and 10 albino leopard geckos hidden under his clothing. He had rolled up the pythons in socks and put the geckos inside boxes, and then taped them to his chest and legs. The animals had a total value of about $10,000.

While that’s pretty high on the ick scale, the scariest thing is that officials didn’t become suspicious until they did a routine check of his luggage and found a tarantula, at which point they searched him. This amazing video shows him all geared up and ready to fly.

This story begs the question–how often do people get away with this? How often have you sat next to someone covered in creepy crawlies? And how would you know?

Enjoy your flight!

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Man stuffs his pants full of birds – tries to pass customs at LAX

by Scott Carmichael on

Some airport stories are so funny, you’d think we made them up.

Sony Dong was stopped at Los Angeles International airport last Tuesday, when customs officials noticed feathers and bird poop on his socks.

Upon inspection, the officers found more than a dozen songbirds strapped to his legs.

Now, once you get over the thought of flying with your legs covered in bird crap, imagine how bad it must have been for these poor birds.

Three red-whiskered bul-buls, four magpie robins and six shama thrush are now in quarantine, and Mr Dong is locked away, along with an accomplice. The men have been charged with conspiracy in an eight count indictment.

Worst of all, this isn’t even the first time (or the last) that people have tried this – back in February we wrote about a man arrested in Australia with 2 pigeons up his pants.

Good luck card results in deportation of Mexican immigrant

by Scott Carmichael on

In a tragic case of “serves you right”, a Mexican immigrant arrived at Manchester airport in the UK for what he described to immigration officials as “a brief trip to visit a friend”.

When immigration workers checked his bag, they discovered a card, wishing the man lots of luck with his “new life” in the UK.

After some more interrogation, the man admitted he planned to settle in the UK an eventually fly his family over.

Oops.

If you plan to lie at the immigration desk (don’t), at least make sure your story can be verified, and don’t carry evidence of your lies in your suitcase.

The 40 year old man was sent back to the United States, since that was his country of departure. Fingers crossed for him that he was here legally, or his troubles will be continuing for some time.

Wacky finds from the New York customs lines

by Scott Carmichael on

Last week I wrote about some of the stuff US Customs officials found on passengers arriving at Dulles International airport.

Turns out that some of their finds are nothing compared to the insane stuff people try to sneak past the Customs officials at the various New York area airports.

The photo you see above is not of the newest South American peanut bar, but of 7 pounds of the purest Bogota Smack (Heroin). The bars were all packaged perfectly, down to the indentations found on the real candy.

Other finds include $1.2 Million in diamonds from a passenger who claimed he had nothing to declare (bad idea), $600,000 worth of Cocaine in cans of vegetables and even a family who tried to wheel a dead relative through customs to avoid paying the fee for transporting a body.

Of course, the poor agents also find their fair share of downright disgusting stuff, like a dead cat filled with drugs, a frozen monkey head and a suitcase filled with cockroaches.

It would appear that there is no shortage of stupidity at the checkpoint, and while I’m sure some people get lucky and manage to sneak that extra bottle of booze past the watching eyes of the US Customs officials, I’m not convinced I’d take the gamble with drugs or dead animal parts. The penalties involved with these kind of offenses are pretty severe.