The Sex Toy Vending Machines Of Spain

You’ve probably heard of the vending machines in Japan that sell used panties supposedly worn by schoolgirls. It appears Japan isn’t alone in having sexual vending machines in public places. Not far from my home in Santander, on Spain’s northern coast, I came across this innocuous-looking little cubbyhole. Its vending machines offer hot food, soda and snacks 24 hours a day.

It’s in between a bar district and the residential neighborhood where I live, so I popped in here one night for some potato chips to absorb some of the wine I’d drunk. It turns out I could buy more than potato chips. Further inside, out of view from the street but still completely open to the public of all ages, was a vending machine selling sex toys.

The picture is on the next page, and no, it’s not work safe (duh!).
Whatever entrepreneur thought this up was a genius. When you’re coming back from the bars late at night you always need something. If you’re a married guy like me, it might be something as mundane as a snack. If you’re getting lucky with someone you met on your fifteenth round of sangría, you might need some flavored condoms. If you didn’t meet the person of your dreams, you can at least cuddle up to a giant black dong for only €16.50 ($21). Just don’t forget the lube for €6.50 ($8.29) or you might wake up the next morning with more than your head hurting.

This isn’t the only dildo vending machine in Spain. A friend of mine came across one in a youth hostel where she was staying with her two little daughters. The girls saw it first because they were attracted by all the shiny colors. They asked what the dildos were and their mother, quite wisely, I thought, answered honestly and with just enough information to satisfy their curiosity. They shook their heads at the weird things adults get up to and soon forgot about it.

Spain isn’t some decadent place full of loners seeking out dirty vending machines. You can also find vending machines selling books. So far I have yet to see a vending machine that sells books and dildos. I’ll be sure to tell you if I do.

Sexologist has carry-on inspected, TSA keeps cool

Robocop sets off alarms. Of course, this “Robocop” is the nickname sexologist David Steinberg has for an 8-inch solid brass sex toy. Even a TSA official could see that one coming. This device was stored safely at home, but Steinberg’s bag of goodies still attracted inspector attention at the airport in Seattle.

For once, it may have been prudent to respond, “No,” when asked if the security official could inspect the contents of the bag.

An older, serious women had to sift through nipple clamps, a butt plug, condoms, personal lubricants and other implements of Steinberg’s trade. Truly a committed professional, her facial expression did not change during the entire ordeal. Some of the other passengers working their way through security took notice, undoubtedly thinking that these are the very devices the TSA uses if it summons you into one of those “special” rooms for a more thorough search.

Most of these professional tools are deemed fine for the flight, though a whip with a 6-inch metal handle doesn’t pass the test. The security guard claims it’s a weapon, probably not realizing that that isn’t its intent. I guess it could be used as one, though the owner correctly describes it as a toy (conveniently omitting the word “adult” from the exchange).

Encouraged by the suggestion that he check it as a separate piece of luggage, Steinberg dashed over to the ticket agent to make his move. She was a bit more aware of the device but declined an offer of explanation. The whip was checked successfully, and Steinberg went on his way.

So, the next time you pack your carry-on, remember to consider the contents carefully. Steinberg’s a comfortable pro, but you may not be ready to have your belongings put on display.