Ten pilots you DON’T want in your cockpit.

When it comes to making fun of airline employees, pilots are usually off limits. Screw with a flight attendant, and you may not get your drink, screw with the TSA, and you may end up missing your flight. But screwing around with a pilot just doesn’t feel right.

In the past couple of days, some pilots have shown that they really are human, and that they screw up just like the rest of us. So this justifies a lineup of some of the most stupid pilots out there.

1. Pilot drops his pants – asks checkpoint staff to “search this”

Look – we all hate the checkpoint, and I’m sure that pilots hate it even more, as they probably encounter more checkpoints than most of us ever will. But when security staff annoy you, pulling your pants and underpants down and demanding the staff “check this” is probably not a very good idea.

2. Whoops – missed the airport by 150 miles

This one will stay in our minds for quite some time. Two Northwest Airlines pilots overshot the Minneapolis airport by 150 miles. Ignoring all radio contact and text messages from their dispatcher, these guys were “distracted” when they failed to notice they were miles away from their original destination.

As you can see in the photo above (which is the actual track from FlightAware.com), when they realized their error, they turned the plane around and headed back towards MSP. The two are now without a pilots license, and I personally wouldn’t even trust them to drive a bus, let alone a passenger jet.

3. He almost got away with what he got away with

Argentine pilot Juan Alberto Poch had a fantastic job – he flew for Dutch carrier Transavia, doing short flights all around Europe. He’d flown his whole life, and was taking his final flight in the pilots seat, one day before retirement.

This really was a dream job for him, because Mr. Poch had a bit of a sinister past. During the Argentine dirty war, he was responsible for flying planes over the ocean and dumping innocent people out the back door, in an attempt to make them disappear.

On his very last flight, officials arrested him and made preparations for deporting him back to Argentina where he’ll face charges of mass murder.

4. When in doubt, blame the strong German beer

American Airlines pilot Joseph Crites was caught by the breathalyzer at Heathrow airport right before he was scheduled to fly a plane to Chicago.

The test showed he was more than 4 times over the legal limit, and he was removed from the plane and arrested. Apparently, every single person in the world knows that German beer is good strong stuff. Except for Mr. Crites.

5. Drunken flight attendant sex does not end well

When charges against you include indecent exposure, open lewdness, public drunkenness, loitering and prowling at night and disorderly conduct you just know it had to have been one hell of a party. And when the party involves a drunk and naked pilot walking through the woods, you know it isn’t going to end well.

The pilot works/worked for Pinnacle airlines, and he claimed he had walked into the woods with a flight attendant for a little drunken sex. He was not on duty at the time, but the rules are very simple – 8 hours between bottle and throttle.

6. Passengers spot drunk pilot – demand a sober one

If your pilot sounds drunk when he makes his pre-flight announcement, I’d say it is pretty logical for you to demand a sober one.

Aeroflot does not really agree with this, and even though the passenger protests eventually forced authorities to seek a sober flight crew, the airline actually issued a statement claiming that being drunk up front isn’t much of an issue, because “the plane basically flies itself”.

7. Another pilot caught red handed

It takes a pretty dumb pilot to even consider flying when drunk, but it takes a special level of stupid to head to the airport when drunk, get caught, then jump into the bathroom to change into your regular clothes while calling your airline claiming you are sick. This all happened at Port Columbus airport back in January.

8. A stupid mistake with a very lucky ending

October 2009 was a bad month for Delta Airlines – first one of their Northwest planes missed the airport, then one of their own jets landed at Atlanta airport on the taxiway. Read that again – these pilots actually landed on a part of the airport where they could have potentially plowed right through another aircraft, or even an airport vehicle.

Apparently one of the crew members was ill, and in the confusion, they screwed up. Thankfully nobody was injured as the taxiway was empty at the time.

9. What is this airport thing you speak of?

I’m by no means a pilot, but I am pretty sure that one of the things on your checklist is actually knowing w
here you are heading when you throttle up the engines. Sadly, the pilot of a KLM flight back in 2007 failed that.

The plane was on its way to Shamshabad, the new airport for Hyderabad in India. Apparently nobody at the airline had told them about this new airport, and when air traffic controllers told them to head towards Shamshabad, they replied “what is Shamshabad?”.

The crew then decided it would be much easier to just divert to Mumbai, causing a 1500 mile diversion. In their defense, the airline is probably more to blame than the pilots, as they are responsible for issuing the “notam” alerting pilots to new airports, as well as updating flight computers and maps.

10. Potty mouth pilot thrown off his own plane

First class passengers on a Northwest Airlines flight were treated to quite a show when their pilot stepped aboard swearing away on his phone. His “F this, F that” tirade was enough for the passengers to demand a new pilot.

I’ve actually encountered something similar – I was flying Cathay Pacific “up front” when two deadheading pilots got on board and talked loudly behind me about the “f’ing airline management” and how they hated the company. I politely requested them to shut the hell up. When the purser asked about the incident, they were both removed from the plane.

Woman sues Hyatt after dancing wedding guest breaks her arm

Weddings are a time of celebration. People like to have a few drinks, maybe hit the dance floor. But there always seems to be one guest who takes things too far – who drinks a little too much and gets a little too wild. At a wedding at a New Jersey Hyatt in 2008, that guest not only got a bit too drunk, he allegedly got so forceful on the dance floor that he broke another guest’s arm. And now Hyatt could be held responsible.

According to the New York Post, Christine Mancision was getting her groove on when James Graeber grabbed her, and flung her so violently across the dance floor that she fell down and hurt her arm. She went to the hospital, where she found out her wrist was broken and she needed surgery. She’s now suing the Hyatt for over-serving Graeber, who she claims was visibly intoxicated.

The suit is for $1 million and claims Hyatt violated New Jersey’s “dram shop” laws by serving someone who was obviously drunk. Mancision’s lawyer said the Hyatt “owes an obligation to its guests . . to not fuel the fire of intoxication by pouring alcohol down the throat of an intoxicated person.” Really, a Hyatt staff member poured alcohol down the throat of Graeber?

Getting manhandled by some drunk buffoon at a wedding is not fun (though probably not all that uncommon). But how can the court say that wouldn’t have happened had the Hyatt not given the guy another drink? And how can they prove he was “visibly intoxicated”? Everyone does the chicken dance at weddings. That proves nothings. Will the wedding video be called in as evidence?

If it’s true, what happened to Mancision was unfortunate. But it seems like her “assailant” should be the one who pays for her hospital bills, not the hotel.

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[via Vagabondish]

Drunk Brits get Crete arrest for nun prank

How many people actually dress up as nuns when they get drunk?

In Crete, the answer was “17” recently. That’s how many drunk British tourists were arrested for insulting the Catholic Church. After a bit of extra imbibing, they donned “nun attire and naughty lingerie,” which didn’t sit too well with the local cops.

The tourists were busted in Malia, which is a popular destination for the young, drunk and rowdy. Even seasoned resort-town resident, who’ve probably become immune to the stupidity that tourists bring, have limits, it seems.

The penalty is most likely to be a fine.

UPDATE: After spending the night in jail wearing the lingerie they were wearing when they were arrested, the men have all been set free. Moreover, since no one showed up to testify that they had been upset by the tourists’ bawdy conduct, the court dropped all charges.


More stories of booze gone bad in the skies

Stupidity at its best – alcoholic falls down stairs- sues hotel for brain damage

Every now and then I run into an article that is so insane, it’s just too wacky to make up.

Such is the story of Michael Fenton. This self admitted alcoholic checked into the Marriott Marco Island resort and spa last January, apparently with the sole intention of getting plastered.

Two days into his debauchery, he walked out of the bar to make his way to the bathroom. Instead of relieving himself, he stumbled down a 100 foot staircase and now suffers from brain damage.

To most people, this would be an important wake up call – but not to Mr Fenton.

Instead of accepting responsibility for his actions, and be happy he survived the fall, he’s decided it would be much easier to blame the hotel, and sue them.

In his claim, he blames the hotel bartender for serving him, even though he was obviously intoxicated. He then goes on to claim the hotel staircase is a code violation.

The lawsuit seeks damages for injuries, pain, suffering, mental anguish, disfigurement, hospital expenses, medical and nursing care treatment, loss of earnings and loss of the ability to enjoy life. The damages were filed as being more than $15,000 (my guess is he’s asking for a couple of million).

I think he’s just lucky he was so drunk when he fell down those stairs, or he would have really injured himself. Keep your fingers crossed that he runs into a judge that gets this stupid case thrown out within 15 minutes, or this lunatic will be clogging the legal system for years.

(Via: Naples News)


Why are these the world’s weirdest hotels? Click the pictures to find out.