A cruise vacation can be a great way to travel. Once on the ship, you’re in a closed environment that is protected from many of the potential dangers that await those traveling some other way. But while cruise lines say things like “Do whatever you want to, it’s your cruise”, or “You are free to do...whatever!” there are limits. While there are a lot of stupid things to do on a cruise, here’s the top three:
1. Get in a big argument with somebody and call them names. If you happen to have a short fuse or are really impatient, check that at the gangway. Once you are on board the ship how you behave can have a real impact on the experience. You’ll hear the captain referred to as the “master of the vessel” and with good reason. He has the authority to throw you off the ship at the next port with no refund and no way to get back home except on your own if you cause trouble. Not long ago, a drunken brawl on Carnival Dream resulted in 10 guests waving good bye to a ship that left them behind.
2. Practice your swan dive over the side of the ship. This will most likely kill you and is something to avoid. You really have to try to make this happen too. Falling off the ship is a lot like falling off a 10-story building; your odds of survival are not good. If the impact of hitting the water doesn’t kill you, strong currents created by the ship’s movement will.
3. Stock up on drugs while ashore. If you want to buy drugs ashore you can on pretty much any Caribbean island. Just look for the cool guy with the Bob Marley look and you’ll get hooked up fast. Odds are you can get them back on the ship pretty easy too. They don’t strip-search embarking passengers. Where you will run into problems is back home when it’s time to get off the ship. Drug sniffing dogs that check luggage coming off the ship will find your “souvenirs” and you will go to jail.
If you follow the golden rule of cruise ship conduct “Don’t do anything that would require talking to security or having your body identified” you should be OK.