Copenhagen city square built on poop

Being an archaeologist can be a tough job–hot weather, frustrating digs that don’t turn up any finds, dirty conditions. . .especially the dirty conditions.

A dig in the Danish capital Copenhagen has turned out to be dirtier than usual. Archaeologists excavating under Kultorvet Square have found two 18th century outhouses that are literally filled with historic faeces.

Kultorvet means “Coal Square” and was where people bought and sold coal. Now it’s a popular meeting place full of cafes and restaurants, as shown in this photo courtesy Leif Jørgensen. These historic toilets would have been used by coal vendors and buyers, mostly working class people. The privies seem to have been popular because both are heaped with the stinky stuff, and the local soil’s low oxygen levels have preserved it in a pristine state.

Wading through offal is good news for archaeologists. Old turds can tell a lot about the people who dropped them, like their diet and general health. One slow-witted Dane from days gone by even ate an apple core. It was found encased in his poop, having passed through his system whole after probably causing some indigestion.

A large subway expansion project has led to lots of archaeological finds in Copenhagen. If any more disgusting discoveries turn up, we’ll be sure to let you know.

SkyMall Monday: Pooch Power Shovel

You’d be hard-pressed to find a dog owner who truly enjoys picking up their pet’s poop (unless their into scat films, in which case you’d be wise to give them a wide berth). Scooping poop is demoralizing, tedious and, if done sloppily, unhygienic. One slip up and that poop goes from to the ground to your finger, to your bagel, to your lips, to your wife’s lips to the FedEx guy’s…well, you get the point. It’s a roll of the E. coli dice every time you go to fetch that feces. Plus, all that bending over and the condescending looks from your dog make you feel like a Grade A nimrod. Who wants to deal with that? As a dog owner, I know that picking up poop takes up to 45 seconds of my life everyday. Between bending down, picking it up, tying the bag and then placing the bag in the trash bin, I lose the opportunity to watch one-and-a-half television commercials. How will I know what to buy? That’s why here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we’ve stopped bending over and dealing with crap. We’ve once again turned to SkyMall to make out lives less, well, crappy. Literally. That’s why we use the Pooch Power Shovel.As you can see from the video above, the Pooch Power Shovel does everything that your hand can do but louder and for more money. In that respect, it’s like a chatty hooker. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. You can learn a lot from a chatty hooker. No longer will you have to bend over like some, um, hooker while picking up your dog’s business. You can just suck it all up like a, er, hooker. Maybe we should just read the product description:

There’s no bending, scooping or even touching. In fact, with the push-button convenience of the Pooch Power Shovel, it’s the next best thing to having someone else do the picking up for you…It doesn’t matter if you own a single Chihuahua or multiple large breed canines, the robust motor and rechargeable battery can pick up a whole yard’s worth of waste in one go.

Now, if you could get someone to do the poop scooping for you, that would be a perfect storm. Is it worth mentioning that it’s really more of a vacuum (or reverse leaf blower) than a shovel? Probably not. What about how it’s creepy when you dress kids exactly like their parents? No, we’ll gloss over that, as well. Should we discuss that kids who wear those dress shirts with white collars look like miniature Gordon Gekkos (and that’s not a good thing). Let’s just robustly move on then.

If you want to continue to pick up your dog’s poop by hand, go for it. I, however, believe that the best things in life are worth paying for. That’s why politicians and athletes love, hm, hookers. You get my point. Now get the Pooch Power Vacuum Shovel.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.