Good tidings to you, my SkyMall Maniacs (congratulations, I’ve given you a nickname). We’re doing something a little different here at SkyMall Monday this week. With Hanukkah in full effect and Christmas mere days away, I’m going to do you a solid and give you some last minute gift ideas straight from the greatest catalog on Earth. Forget the hassles of the mall or the big box stores. Sit back, relax, and let SkyMall do all the work for you (with my help, of course).
iWear Vr920 (photo above) – Why just be a nerdy gamer when you could be a nerdy gamer playing in “virtual reality?” Just don your favorite blazer, log into World of Warcraft and have your friends call you “Geordi La Forge.”
Animated Hitch Critters – Because you’re white trash and gosh darn proud of it.
Body Toning System – We just don’t subject ourselves to “electro muscle stimulation” nearly enough. Besides, what does all the research supporting a lifestyle of healthy eating and exercise really mean anyways? Certainly standing around while electrocuting your abs is the real secret to getting that six pack.
Warm Whiskers Neck Wrap (photo at left) – Because the local shelter won’t let you adopt anymore of their precious real cats and the county is threatening to investigate that smell coming from your backyard.
Dermaseptic – Tis the season to manage those herpes outbreaks.
Forest Faces – Forest Faces are the “newest craze in outdoor decor.” Finally, the old craze in outdoor decor, “nature,” has been supplanted by a much more organic way to decorate trees: athletic decorations with stereotypically racist facial features.
Feline Drinking Fountain – This water fountain keeps water moving, “encouraging proper hydration by attracting pets to drink more, thereby reducing the risk of urinary tract infection.” I never knew feline urinary tract infections were such a major concern. Can’t your cat just drink some cranberry juice and have a bad attitude for a few days?
Portable Video Magnifier – Sure, you’re well aware that magnifying glasses have existed for centuries. And yeah, you know that they’re cheap, lightweight and would really help your elderly grandmother read the newspaper, organize coupons and write checks. But you have money to burn and an intense desire to let grandma know that you did amount to something after all. So, drop $789 and get grandma the Portable Video Magnifier. That’ll show her who the real failure is.
Jumpin Jammerz (photo at left) – Are you in an asexual relationship with a partner who respects your complete lack of libido? Does he or she have the bowel control necessary to make it to the bathroom and then completely disrobe before doing the business? Would they love to wake up in a pool of their own sweat every morning? Then yes, you should totally get that person a pair of adult footed pajamas. Glad we had this talk.
Sound Activated Shirt – I just spent 45 minutes trying to come up with a reason why you should buy this. That’s a new SkyMall Monday record.
Of course, if none of these amazing SkyMall gift ideas would appeal to your loved ones, you could always take a look at Gadling’s Holiday Gift Guide. There are tons of great ideas there.
Happy holidays from SkyMall Monday. Be sure to check back next week when we count down some of the best SkyMall Monday reviews from 2008!
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.