SkyMall Monday: Inflatable Turkey

Few, if any, SkyMall products leave us speechless. Sure, there was the one product that I disliked, but I had plenty to say about that. In fact, I usually can’t say enough about SkyMall gear. This week’s SkyMall Monday, however, was a challenge to write. I stared the product for hours while pondering how to describe it. It’s clearly ripe for the SkyMall Monday treatment, yet it truly defies explanation. This is not to say that I entered into any sort of existential crisis. I haven’t been left to question the meaning of this product’s – or my own – existence. Rather, I’ve been left with an inability to explain how I can have such an affinity for something while simultaneously having no idea why. It’s kind of like how we all felt about Charlie Sheen when he first started acting crazy but before it all became sad. So, forgive me if my thoughts sound scattered, but I’m thoroughly enamored with – and completely baffled by – the Inflatable Turkey.It should be noted that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. Perhaps that’s why the Inflatable Turkey has engendered such good will over here at SkyMall Monday headquarters. The idea of placing an inflatable turkey on an immaculately set table does, indeed, make me giggle. However, my pulse rises and I break into a cold sweat when I envision a carving knife getting too close to the puffed up poultry. Perhaps no SkyMall product has played with my emotions quite like the Inflatable Turkey.

Think that inflatable animals are a perversion? Believe that all meat served should be real and succulent? Well, why you make some gravy we’re going to gobble up the product description:

Create a centerpiece for a vegetarian feast. Use it as a placeholder on the platter as you visualize the Best Thanksgiving Ever. Then deflate for next year. Made of completely inedible vinyl; sized a realistic 16″L; photorealistic down to the bronzed tips of its wings.

I can’t think of a less offensive centerpiece for a vegetarian meal than a replica of a cooked animal. It will be nice to not have to use those photos of slaughterhouses to decorate the table at my next vegetarian pot luck. Sadly, this vinyl is inedible but at least the photorealism will have you laughing at your young nephew when he starts gnawing on the fake bird. Won’t that be a riot?

I wish I could better express my feelings for the Inflatable Turkey but I simply don’t understand them well enough. Hopefully, Lady Gaga will record a song that empowers me to embrace these emotions and articulate them more eloquently. Until then, I’ll just feel a tingle in my giblets that you may never comprehend.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.