Galley Gossip: Airline for sale!

by Heather Poole on

This is it, people, your chance to buy an airline, because Volare Airlines, an Italian low-cost carrier, is now up for sale – again!

What’s that? Not enough money you say? Why don’t we all pool our money together and buy…oh I don’t know…maybe just one of the airplanes. We can each buy a seat. And since we’d only own one airplane, we can call our small little airline MY PLANE. That means when someone asks, “what airline did you travel on,” you can then say, “My Plane,” and mean it, because it is your plane, as well as my plane.

We’ll take votes and fly the most popular route once a day. But the real beauty of owning My Plane is this…I would…I mean WE would get to design it from the bottom up. Just the way we want. And because we’d only want the best for My Plane, which is also your plane, I’d like to make a few suggestions..

After reading all 754 comments from my post Flight Attendant Pet Peeve #1, Answer Please! it’s apparent we should only hire flight attendants from one of the Asian carriers. Why? Passengers, at least the ones who commented on my post, seem to love them. Hey, what’s not to love about an airline that hires flight attendants who are all the same uniform size – small. That makes complete sense – one size uniform for the one and only airplane. Forget equal opportunity, we make the rules at this airline! And while we’re at it making those rules, how about we only allow one size of passenger onboard – small of course, which will help save fuel. As you know, saving on fuel is the name of the game these days. Which is why that small passenger can only bring onboard one small bag and place it under the small seat. The small flight attendant will then serve a small meal to the small passenger with the small bag under the small seat and…wait a minute…we’re not talking about us, are we? I think we are. We’re the ones traveling on My Plane, remember? So scratch that. But we can still steal a few of those Singapore Airline girls, but make them funny, like the good people at Southwest Airlines.

Of course we’d have to include Virgin’s beauty therapy services on My Plane. Trust me when I tell you that I’ll be the first one in line for a manicure and massage. Yes, I know, I am working the flight, but don’t forget, when the flight attendant is happy, the passenger is happy. Or is it the other way around? I can’t remember. I’m too numb from my massage to remember. But all you need to remember is that you’re getting all this for Jet Blue prices. Could it get any better?

As for the flight attendant uniforms, personally I’d like to go with the Air France uniform. Have you seen it? Hello – can you say LOVE IT! As in Love it – Love it! As in there aren’t enough “love’s” in a sentence to possibly describe how I feel. That’s how much I love it. Seriously, if the airline I currently work for now had to merge with another airline, can we please please please merge with Air France! Please. Not that I want to merge. No flight attendant wants to merge. Not when seniority is involved. Because seniority, at an airline, is everything. More than everything. But if I HAD to merge, well that uniform might be kind of nice to merge into. Since it’s My Plane, and my uniform, it’s all about me, on My Plane. Oh and you, too. I guess.

What kind of food would we serve? That’s easy. Cathay Pacific, I hear, has the best food in the industry. At least that’s what The Husband once wrote via email from a Cathay flight. Let me tell you that email was long, and dedicated strictly to food. Apparently the food on Cathay is THAT good, as in two pages of email good. And who doesn’t want good food on a flight? I know I do. Which is why I always bring my own from home. When I can remember to bring my own from home. Which isn’t often. Since I don’t cook, that much, from home. Not since the husband made me promise never to cook again. Anyway, you know it’s all about the food on a flight, right? I mean isn’t that what you look for in an airline when you’re booking a trip? Of course it is. Otherwise you wouldn’t be complaining so much about the bad food. Or lack of food.

We should really go with Virgin Atlantic’s cabin interior. Neon florescent red and blue lights glowing throughout the cabin are definitely a must. Especially on a red eye flight. They scream HAPPY! Why, because you’re happy, happy to be on My Plane! Which also includes Virgin’s in-flight seat to seat chat. I wonder if that chat extends between passengers and flight attendants? If so, that means you can leave home without your stealth secret sound amplifier, the one you bought from Skymall, the same one I mentioned in my last post, the top five skymall gifts for the frequent flier (that’s you!) and just text me your drink order. Wouldn’t that be nice? And perhaps we could chat a little. Really get to know each other. Oh wait, you see someone cute oboard? Me, too! Just send that person a little text and don’t forget to add your seat number – in case that person happens to be wearing a very sophisticated blue uniform and wants to slide you a drink on the house for umm…ya know…for being so nice and all.

So whadaya say…should we go for it?

Italians now know how much other Italians make. Mamma mia!

by Iva Skoch on

Can you imagine knowing how much all your friends, neighbors and coworkers make?

Italy’s IRS created a grand snooping opportunity Wednesday when it posted on its Web site the taxable income of just about every Italian citizen – for a few hours. There was a huge outcry, and the tax collector had to take the information down, NPR reports. Listen to the piece here.

According to BBC, the release of the information was one of the last acts of the outgoing center-left government and has shocked many tax-shy Italians. But it was also hugely popular, and within hours the site was overwhelmed and impossible to access.

According to an Italian government report from 2007, the amount of unpaid tax in the country is equivalent to 7% of gross domestic product. The finance ministry described the move as a “bid to improve transparency”.

I don’t think this kind of “transparency” generally goes over well.

Alitalia deal dumped by Air France-KLM

by Iva Skoch on

For a while there, it almost looked like Air France–KLM was actually going to buy Alitalia and dig them out of their ongoing financial problems. Alitalia has been losing $1.6 million a day for more than a year. Grant wrote about the KLM-Alitalia deal just a few weeks ago.

Unfortunately, Air France-KLM ended their negotiations with Aitalia after Alitalia’s unions balked, The Wall Street Journal reports. As a result, the Italian airline’s chairman resigned.

You could just see how this whole thing unfolded in Italy. Silvio Berlusconi, currently campaigning to become Italy’s eccentric prime minister again, thought that KLM was just not offering enough for the national pride that Alitalia is. Looking at it through KLM’s eyes, they could care less about national pride; they wanted a good investment.

Well, if Berlusconi does get reelected, one of the first things he might have to do is place Alitalia under a government-appointed organization. Air Silvio, anyone?

Strike now, while Naples is hurting!

by Grant Martin on

Following a well publicized trash crisis in Naples earlier this year, tourism has plummeted in the Southern Italian city. Despite the fact that rubbish has been cleaned up and the streets are cleaner than ever, images of the garbage bags piled high in the streets have driven tourists away and the hotels and restaurants are now empty.

Which is exactly why it’s time to go to Naples. Hotels expect to be booked at 30% of capacity through the summer, so they and anything related to tourism alike are going to be hurting for business. So you can probably get a great deal on packages to the city while demand is low.

If you’re quick, you might even be able to get in on one of the recent deals that hotels have been offering: since street crime has been so out of hand over the last years, some properties have been giving away plastic watches to wear on the street instead of wearing your expensive jewelery.

A cheap hotel room AND a free watch? What a bargain!

Big in Japan: Eating Mozzarella cheese can kill you

by Matthew Firestone on

Forgive the sensational title of today’s blog, but I am a serious foodie when it comes to all things Italian…

After all, few things in life hit the spot quite like an authentic Italian antipasto of parma ham, buffalo mozzarella and marinated red peppers.

So, you can imagine my shock and surprise when I discovered that my local supermarket here in Tokyo was no longer selling mozzarella cheese.

After making this horrific discovery, I quickly asked the store clerk where I could find this necessary ingredient for my antipasto in the making.

What was their response you ask?

Well, quite simply that Japan has decided to ban all imports of Italian buffalo mozzarella cheese following the discovery of high levels of dioxin in the cheese.

Yikes!

(Interestingly enough, the store clerk then recommended that I try using sharp cheddar cheese instead of mozzarella in my antipasto!)

Anyway, turns out that as of yesterday, the Japanese Ministry of Health has been impounding all shipments of this delicious cheese after South Korean officials discovered 29 toxic samples.

Dioxin, which is an extremely potent carcinogen, hit the headlines a few years back following the alleged poisoning of Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko.

Needless to say, this is not the kind of chemical you want on your dinner plate!

Last month, Chinese-made dumplings containing pesticides sickened 175 Japanese, which launched the issue of food safety and security into the public spotlight.

Culturally, the Japanese are incessant gourmands, so issues concerning food contamination are not taken lightly here in the Land of the Rising Sun.

So, following a rash of food poisonings in neighboring South Korea, the Japanese government was quick to act.

Each year, Italy produces 33,000 tons of mozzarella, and exports 16 percent of that (or approximately 329 tons) to Japan.

So, given that there are batches of killer cheese floating around South Korea, which imports a mere 10 tons of the gooey product, the Japanese public is applauding the government’s foresight.

Of course, the Italian government is less than happy as of recent.

Paolo Minster De Castro, Italy’s agriculture minister, is in talks with Japanese, South Korean and European Union officials on the issue.

At an emergency summit in Rome, the Italian health ministry admitted that traces of carcinogenic dioxins had been discovered at some farms in Campania.

Health officials previously stated that herds of water buffalo, whose milk is used to make the cheese, could be ingesting poisons from illegally dumped rubbish.

Dioxins are usually released when plastic is burnt, though they can also seep into groundwater from decomposing rubbish.

However, the Italian government is fiercely denying that the dioxin in the buffalo mozzarella comes from improperly disposed garbage.

In fact, the Italian health ministry even went as far as to reassure the public that the problems were “limited and contained.”

For those of you living in Japan, my suggestion is to pass on mozzarella for awhile, even though the problem has thus far been limited to the buffalo variety.

And, for anyone living over in America who is fond of Italian food, perhaps you might want to consider going out for Thai this week.

** All images courtesy of the WikiCommons Media Project **