Top 3 stupid things to do on a cruise

A cruise vacation can be a great way to travel. Once on the ship, you’re in a closed environment that is protected from many of the potential dangers that await those traveling some other way. But while cruise lines say things like “Do whatever you want to, it’s your cruise”, or “You are free to do...whatever!” there are limits. While there are a lot of stupid things to do on a cruise, here’s the top three:

1. Get in a big argument with somebody and call them names. If you happen to have a short fuse or are really impatient, check that at the gangway. Once you are on board the ship how you behave can have a real impact on the experience. You’ll hear the captain referred to as the “master of the vessel” and with good reason. He has the authority to throw you off the ship at the next port with no refund and no way to get back home except on your own if you cause trouble. Not long ago, a drunken brawl on Carnival Dream resulted in 10 guests waving good bye to a ship that left them behind.

2. Practice your swan dive over the side of the ship. This will most likely kill you and is something to avoid. You really have to try to make this happen too. Falling off the ship is a lot like falling off a 10-story building; your odds of survival are not good. If the impact of hitting the water doesn’t kill you, strong currents created by the ship’s movement will.

3. Stock up on drugs while ashore. If you want to buy drugs ashore you can on pretty much any Caribbean island. Just look for the cool guy with the Bob Marley look and you’ll get hooked up fast. Odds are you can get them back on the ship pretty easy too. They don’t strip-search embarking passengers. Where you will run into problems is back home when it’s time to get off the ship. Drug sniffing dogs that check luggage coming off the ship will find your “souvenirs” and you will go to jail.

If you follow the golden rule of cruise ship conduct “Don’t do anything that would require talking to security or having your body identified” you should be OK.

Three extraordinary Caribbean hotels for under $150

Yes, the Caribbean is awfully hot right now. And yes, faithful watchers of weather, hurricane season is indeed upon us. But for the next several months, visitors to the Caribbean will benefit from low-season rates that make the region a great value for cost-conscious travelers. With very few exceptions, low season in the Caribbean lasts until mid-November at the earliest and mid-December at the latest.

Here are three very special Caribbean hotels that are set apart from the pack. All offer double rooms in low-season for $150 per night or less. Uncommon care is taken by the proprietors of these three hotels to create remarkable, unique, and locally-grounded environments. All are hugely successful at their mission.

1. Hotel Mocking Bird Hill, Port Antonio, Jamaica.

Tucked into the hills above Port Antonio, Hotel Mocking Bird Hill feels like a hidden treasure. It’s surrounded by fabulous greenery and operates along comprehensively eco-friendly principles, with local staff, reliance on solar energy and rainwater harvesting, anaerobic wastewater treatment, and the absence of in-room air-conditioning. (On the last count, don’t worry. At this altitude air-conditioning is not essential.) There’s a swimming pool here for guests who don’t want to schlep down to the coast’s beaches. The hotel’s restaurant, Mille Fleurs, which sources much of its bounty locally, is unequivocally fantastic. Doubles begin at $138 per night in the off-season. Mocking Bird Hill may close for a week or two in September.

2. Papillote Wilderness Retreat, Roseau, Dominica.

On Dominica, quite possibly the greenest and least exploited island in the Caribbean, another exquisite eco-resort can be found: Papillote Wilderness Retreat, a true labor of love. The resort stretches over a hillside that doubles as a well-maintained botanical garden. The grounds boast mineral springs (one hot and one cold) for soaking. Rooms are simple but cheerful, and make the most of Papillote’s natural setting. The hotel’s restaurant is top-notch and stocked more often than not with local produce. Hotel staff teem with knowledge about the island’s history and ecology. They can assist in organizing hikes and other tours of the island led by able local guides. Doubles begin at $115 per night. Note that Papillote will be closed in September and the first three weeks of October.

3. Auberge Les Petits Saints, Terre-de-Haut, Guadeloupe.

This beautifully furnished hotel, with an aesthetic somewhere between ornate country estate and neon-pastel riot, offers lovely views over the island of Terre-de-Haut (see above) in Guadeloupe’s Les Saintes archipelago. There really is a feel of antique abandon here, which is delightful through and through. There is a pool on the property, as well. This is France, albeit overseas France, and the in-house restaurant is of course very good, with a mouthwatering Basque tasting plate and fanciful cocktails as standouts. The cozy restaurant terrace twinkles with lights and conversations at night and is without question a really special place to spend an evening. Doubles begin at €110 (currently $141) per night during low season.

(Image: Alex Robertson Textor)

Hotel cooking classes let you savor travel memories at home

You know what they say…”take only pictures, leave only memories.” But what if you want to take it home with you? That searing pad ka prow that leaves a film of sweat on your brow, a fragrant bouillabaisse, schnitzel so thin and crisp it practically floats?

What you need is a cooking class, from one of the many resorts, hotels, or cruises offering full or half-day demonstration and hands-on programs that let you recreate regional specialties. Depending upon the class, you might find yourself shopping at the local market for ingredients, visiting wineries, or truffle hunting.

In the Southwest, Inn on the Alameda joins up with the Santa Fe School of Cooking for “Muy Sabrosa,” a package demo class/lunch, and two nights stay, including breakfast, daily wine and cheese reception, and $40 gift certificate to Mucho Gusto cafe. Rates start $376 for two and dates are available throughout the year.

In Jamaica, Jake’s Island Outpost offers private lunch classes utilizing local ingredients, and featuring traditional dishes like “run down,” for just $20 a pop. Farmers often visit Jake’s to sell their produce, while fisherman pull up onto the beach each day, so guests can cook with with freshly-caught seafood. Crystal Cruises has hands-on classes on all Wine & Food sailings, which feature guest celebrity and award-winning chefs, winemakers, and mixologists. Each trip has a theme, such as sushi or Latin American food.

In Europe, Park Hyatt Hamburg has classes focused on seasonal ingredients such as spring asparagus, or cooking a Christmas goose. An October 16 class features quinces, apples, and pears from the “Old Land,” Europe’s largest fruit orchard, just outside of the city. Students will use the fruit to make braised venison with porcini. At Hotel Crillon le Brave, a charming boutique property in the Provence countryside, class participants this fall can immerse themselves in five, half-day intensives, including excursions to local markets, and the aforementioned truffle hunting. In Switzerland, La Réserve Genève’s chef lets guests in on his professional secrets during his Chef Workshops, each based on a different dish or theme, such as fresh pasta, or chocolate.

Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai, in Northern Thailand, are famed for their cooking schools and classes. Anantara Golden Triangle Resort & Spa lets students choose from one of four set menus in their half-day program, which includes a guided tour/shopping expedition of the Chiang Saen food market. Over in Abu Dhabi, Desert Islands Resort & Spa, on verdant Sir Bani Yas Island, offers the unusual experience of Arabic cooking classes, where students learn to prepare dishes like moutabel, and prawns haram.

Daily Pampering: Go bobsledding in the rainforest

Did you enjoy watching the bobsledding in Vancouver this year? Well, why not make the bobsled part of your next island vacation?

Rainforest Bobsled Jamaica at Mystic Mountain in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, should be high on your list. You don’t need snow to bobsled, and they’ve got the 3,280-foot track to prove it. Not only will your need for speed be satisfied, but you also get to ride the SkyExplorer chairlift (yes, that’s a chairlift through the rainforest) and you can enjoy some fine Caribbean cuisine at Mystic Dining at 700 feet. Feel like a swim up there? There’s an infinity pool on the edge of the mountain overlooking the lush rainforest below. Usain Bolt, a Jamaican sprinter and three-time Olympic gold medalist and World Champion gold medalist, is a regular.

Furthermore, in case you’re interested, the whole Mystic Mountain complex is eco-friendly. Even the chairlift foundations were installed via helicopter to minimize the environmental impact of the project.

Adults and children can ride the gravity-driven bobsled track for $62 apiece. Your SkyExplorer ride is included in the price.

Want more? Get your daily dose of pampering right here.

Daily Pampering: Club-level at the Ritz-Carlton, Caribbean & Mexico


You’re going on vacation. You’re heading to the beach. You’ve got umbrella drinks and room service on your mind, and you’re debating staying one more night… but should you? Could you? Yes, you can!

The Ritz-Carlton hotels in Mexico and the Caribbean are offering guests a complimentary night when booking the Club-level room.

You’ll enjoy the club level and its amenities (including a personal concierge), breakfast, snacks, hors d’oeuvres, beverages and sweets throughout the day. Participating hotels include:

The Ritz-Carlton, Cancun: Book 5 nights, pay for 4, starting at $599
The Ritz-Carlton, Grand Cayman: Book 5 nights, pay for 4, starting at $529
The Ritz-Carlton, St. Thomas: Book 5 nights, pay for 4, starting at $539
The Ritz-Carlton, San Juan: Book 4 nights, pay for 3, starting at $529
The Ritz-Carlton Golf & Spa Resort, Rose Hall, Jamaica: Book 4 nights, pay for 3, starting at $379

Want more? Get your daily dose of pampering right here.