SkyMall Monday: Deluxe Prism Glasses

I love to read. Nothing beats relaxing in the SkyMall Monday headquarters curled up in my Slanket while reading my favorite catalog. But reading involves so much effort. First I have to pick up the catalog (back strain alert!). Then I have to recline in my chair or bed (argh!). And finally, I have to tilt my head to see the page! Tilt my head!? Do you think I can just tilt my head for long stretches of time and endure that type of stress on my body? Do I look like some kind of Olympic athlete? Head movement is not for weekend warriors like you and me. No, sir. People like us, we need to tone down these hardcore physical endeavors to make them safe. That’s why we should never even attempt to read without the Deluxe Prism Glasses.

The Deluxe Prism Glasses allow you to read while appearing to stare up at the ceiling. But you’re not counting the tiles above you. No, you’re actually reading your book thanks to the mirrors in these glasses. You see (pun intended), the Deluxe Prism Glasses shift the words and images on the page 90° so that you don’t have to tilt your head towards the book. Finally, reading is a passive activity!

I know what you’re thinking: “But, Mike. Surely this product can’t be as mind-blowing as you are describing.” You’re right. It’s even more mind-blowing than that. Just check out ye olde product description and prepare for even more blowing:

We’ve found the perfect solution for those who like to read in bed or watch TV while lying flat on your back…The prism turns the page to a 90 degree angle right before your eyes, eliminating the need for head movement. Lie on your back with your head upon the pillow as normal, and you’ll be able to read the book which rests comfortably on your chest.

You didn’t even know that you had a problem and now you have a solution! And they’ve eliminated the need for head movement, which, as you know, is the fifth most common cause of death amongst Americans age 3-112.* My only concern is resting the book on my chest. I was about to read “War and Peace” and I worry that it will affect my ability to breath comfortably.

Oh, why think about that? My neck muscles will begin to atrophy in no time, making any other issues pretty meaningless. Now, if only I knew how to read.

* That is patently untrue.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.