This photo by Flickr user AlessandraCapricephotography of Thailand’s Maya Bay reminds me of just how blissful a day at the beach can be (and how enjoyable a good vanity shot is every now and then). If you’re thinking, “Mike, cut the BS and just admit that you selected this photo because it shows off a nice set of tanned lady legs,” well, OK, that’s exactly why I picked it. Doesn’t mean everything else I said isn’t true.
There are few things women love as much as shoes. They may love their jewelry more, but shoes make them ambulatory. They may love their husbands more, but shoes make them happier. They may love their children more, but shoes make them look sexier. In other words, women love shoes a lot. Shoes may look good while being worn, they make a home look messy and unkempt when strewn about. Sadly, when removed from the foot, shoes no longer enhance their surroundings. Rather, they detract from the environment that their owner has worked so hard to develop and maintain. As such, shoes – no matter how gorgeous or expensive – are stored in closets, under beds and in boxes. A shameful existence for such worshiped accessories. In the SkyMall Monday headquarters, however, we’ve found a way to fetishize shoes (and the appendages housed inside them) in a way that is classy, sophisticated and practical. Of course, we had some help from SkyMall. When you live with a woman, you live with a shoe lover. That’s why it makes such perfect sense that you can now decorate your home with shoe furniture.There was a time when you could just have a taxidermied human leg on your mantle. It was a handsome conversation piece that was easily obtained and showcased the beauty of the human leg and the shoes that adorn them. Sadly, those days of DIY home decoration and population control have long since passed. Now, people shop in big box stores for home decore and everyone’s houses look like the IKEA and Crate & Barrel catalogs threw up inside of them. However, now you can once again enjoy the aesthetic appeal of shoes in every room of your home without looking like you don’t know how to put away your clothing.
The SkyMall catalog has several ways to decorate your home with shoes. You’d be a fool to refrain from purchasing any of them.
Stilettos Sculptural Table – Pictured above, this is the most straight-to-the-point example of shoe furniture that SkyMall has to offer. According to the product description, the table will “kick up a little fun” with its “high-heeled style.” I’m worried, though, that this shoe may give you punions.
Babette Table – The product description says that the “seamed stockings, red garters, and strappy red heels combine to demand attention in this retro work of decorative art for home or gallery.” By retro, they mean that bygone era that was last night when you dressed like a whore and drunkenly slept with the bartender after drinking alone at TGI Friday’s. Let this table forever be a reminder that men your son’s age still find you
Fishnets & Heels Table – Compared to the Babette Table, this looks like a piece of Amish furniture. It says that you’re delightfully tacky, yet unrefined. Of course, you’re not the only one who feels that way about themselves.
Follies Bergere Boudoir Stool – The product description encourages you to “rest your tired gams on this whimsical, oh-so-French footstool.” I’ve been to France and I can tell you that all of the furniture there looks like this. Even better. the curtain on this stool can be lowered to hide the legs when your prudish friends come over. It’s also worth noting that the shoes on this stool appear to be exactly the same as the one from the Stilettos Sculptural Table. Never doubt my keen SkyMall eye.
Finally, we can all decorate our homes with the most beloved possessions in the world. Once you have all of these shoe tables, though, you’ll need something to rest on them. Thankfully, SkyMall has just the leg lamp for that.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.
With travel to exotic destinations peaking around summertime, The World Health Organization has expressed concern for traveler’s legs, and in particular the risk of developing Deep Vein Thrombosis. DVT is a potentially fatal condition characterized by blood clots, and your risk of developing it increases if your legs are immobilized for long periods of time.
However, it’s not a serious concern unless you’re:
- Over the age of 50
- Under 5’4 or over 6’4
- Using oral contraceptives
So on your next long flight, get up and walk around a bit, if possible. Or do those recommended exercises in the free in-flight magazine. As for me? I keep my limbs limber by doing yoga before the flight, funny looks from other passengers be darned.