“I Don’t Like the TSA” song – music video going viral

Jonathan Mann doesn’t like the TSA, and he’s written a song to prove it. And it rhymes. Furthermore, the music video for the “I Don’t Like the TSA” song has totally made our morning.

The glory of Mann’s delightful rant is that it’s actually clever, and while it expresses a certain angst I think a lot of us have come to feel, it’s upbeat and fun. Bonus: it’s one of those songs that’s easy to dance to sitting down.

In recent weeks, perhaps in response to a mass sense of dread as holiday travel time approaches, there have been a number of attacks on the futility and invasiveness of the TSA. Our editor Grant Martin posted an article just yesterday suggesting that maybe, just maybe, the TSA isn’t that bad (Why you shouldn’t be concerned about airport x-rays and patdowns). Still, whether you want to freak out over x-rays or not is your own business.

Jonathan Mann wants you to. The video is somewhat hyperbolic (“if I refuse them groping me then they’ll treat me like a detainee”) and morphs into what seems like a serious PSA-style plea for consumer action, directing people to www.wewontfly.com. Is making a music video about hating the TSA an outlandish overreaction? Probably. But the call to action seems to be “an attempt to stop the ever increasing ridiculousness that is TSA regulation.” For frequent fliers, it’s hard to argue with that notion. There’s this ever-present worry about “what’s the TSA going to make us do next?”

So, have a watch. The lyrics are included after the jump for your singalong pleasure — and, you know, in case you want to print them out and start singing this in line at the airport over the holiday travel season. Good luck with that.

I Don’t Like the TSA – lyrics
by Jonathan Mann

I don’t like the TSA
I don’t see how they keep me safe
they scan me with their x-ray
then laugh at me when I’m at my gate

And if I refuse to show them my penis
then they insist on groping me
g-g-g-groping me
and if I refuse them groping me
then they’ll treat me like a detainee
d-d-detainee

I don’t like the TSA
taking off my shoes don’t keep me safe
they scan me with their x-ray
or they grope me which is not okay

Don’t get me wrong
this isn’t about the agents
’cause they’re just doing their jobs
this is about the policies
and companies that are profiting
and i question the safety
of bombardment with x-ray
maybe the government’s tests
we’re quite so accurate
they say the dose is .02
microseiverts but how much
is deposited in the skin?

And that’s why
I don’t like the TSA
I don’t see how they keep me safe
they can scan me with their x-ray
and then they’re laughing at me when I’m at my gate

Oh-oh-oh

I don’t like the TSA
I don’t see how taking my shoes off is keeping me safe
I don’t know why they gotta use that great big x-ray
and then they’re laughin’
they’re like “ha ha ha ha ha ha ha”
all the way down
the corridor … and stuff

[via @jetsetfarryn]

The Gambler is a Hit Worldwide

When I saw this article on Kenny Rogers’ song The Gambler inspiring the England Rugby team to make it to the world cup, I was transported back to a far-off land — Southeast Asia to be exact — where I sat in the back of a bumpy truck, trying to teach a bunch of Brits and Northern Irish the words. Come to think of it, I’ve done this more than once — The Gambler is one of those songs that’s iconic the world over, even though few actually know all the words. It’s just one of those songs that the entire English-speaking world seems to love, and when it comes to be known that I’ve memorized it, I’m an instant hit.

And I can see why it’s such a popular song — it’s full of sage wisdom that can be applied to life, whether gambling’s your thing or not. In fact, it’s a song about travelling and the advice garnered from a stranger on the train. So next trip you go on, take some advice from The Gambler:

  • Never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table: Showing off how much wealth you have when you’re in a poor country can land you in trouble.
  • The secret to surviving is knowin’ what you throw away and what to keep: Apply this to your backpack. Carrying too much stuff might not kill you but it will make for some real unpleasantness.
  • Know when to walk away and know when to run. Use this piece of wisdom when you’re out on the town — sometimes it’s just time to call it a night, you know? Especially when there’s a potential ladyboy involved.

Band on the Run: Gathering Food for Thought

So, in between touring and festival weekends in the summer months, what does a musician do with herself? Well, there are lots of answers to that question, but lately I have had red fingers, aching knees and scratches all over my skin. What have I been doing?

Berry picking.

(That’s what you were thinking, right? Right.)

This is the time of year when wild berries are all in season. Not to mention strawberries, which are farmed around where I live and readily available. I have picked my share of organic strawberries and now they lie bagged and frozen in my freezer ready for winter smoothies. Recently, I have also gathered gooseberries, blackberries and currants (both red and black).

For me, activities like berry picking are just a means to writing lyrics. I find long bike rides are the same; they each give space and time in my head to just get into a zone and piece words together. Picking berries is not the most inspirational of activities, but it’s the repetition and the quiet that inspires me. I can kneel in the shady overhang of a berry bush for hours and come out with a bowl (and a belly) full of sweet goodness, not to mention a brain full of new ideas to scrawl down on the first piece of paper I can get a hold of once I return home.

I’ve also been out with my neighbours in this endeavour. Getting to know the women in this area has been great. Despite living around here for three years, touring can sometimes keep a person from developing fast friendships with neighbours and I’m glad to say that this is starting to change. All of us neighbours are so different and from so many different places, but together we find ourselves having landed in this same community and then crouched under the same currant bush gossiping about the town and the culture here.

We talked about how we (as outsiders: i.e. those who didn’t grow up here but were drawn here) will always be the “transplants” according to the heritage farmer families. There is definitely a divide going on and we all hoped to build more bridges rather than widening that gap. And, it’s true really. We will always be transplants, but we’re here and we love it here too; we’re all part of this colourful whole that makes up this wee place nestled in the farthest eastern counties of Ontario.

Our town, the town of Dalkeith, has about fifty inhabitants and I am not technically one of them. Living three and a half kilometres out of town makes me a “surrounding area” resident. There are about two hundred people in total if you count all the in-towners and out-of-towners. So, there are a lot more animals and square footage than there are humans, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Dalkeith has a little general store at its centre. This store is also the post office, the animal feed supply store, the local nursery (seeds, plants and fertilizer), the video store, the butcher, the baker and the heart attack maker. By the latter, I mean it is also the greasy spoon restaurant that specializes in a big farm breakfast.

Every morning, the farmers gather for breakfast at around seven o’clock and the place is hopping until about eight thirty or nine a.m. The owner of the store, Jenny, is also the cook and she is usually the only woman in there until the breakfast crowd clears out.

Once, last fall when we were leaving early in the morning for the airport (en route to a gig far away), I stopped into the store with a letter to mail at about eight o’clock in the morning. The place was packed and clanging when I opened the door, but when I stepped in through the threshold it all died out to an eerie silence. A hush literally fell on the place and it felt as though all movement froze with its weight. Thinking of it now, I think I saw an overflowing fork in midair and a farmer’s open mouth, all locked up like a statue. All the men, scruffy-faced and wrapped in bulging plaid flannel shirts and dusty denim jeans, turned and stared at me like I was an intruder.

Jenny was in the back in the kitchen in her apron and she called a greeting to me over her shoulder from behind the butcher counter. Seeing the letter in my hand, she told me to just put the mail next to the cash and said she’d collect from me later. I thanked her because I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. As the door swung behind me, I heard the action resume. Talk about a men’s club!

(And they say men don’t gossip.)

Well, there I was picking berries with three other women in the community, two of whom have young families and husbands and longer histories here than I have, and I asked them about the General Store breakfasts. They laughed knowingly and recounted similar tales of the hush and the feeling of intruding on a secret society. They just shook their heads in amusement.

That’s when I got a great idea. “Let’s go!” I said, standing up. “Let’s gather a bunch of women together and go for breakfast!” Everyone stopped picking berries and looked up at me. “Okay,” said my one neighbour Diane after that momentary pause, and then everyone started talking at once.

So, we’ve got plans to go. And don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it. I’m sure it’ll be the talk of the town!

I came home buzzing with words in my head with images of gender chaos in Dalkeith, which makes me laugh out loud even now. My new lyrics may not amount to any new song, but the smear of berry juice on the page where they were scrawled will always remind me of the day I spent gathering. Gathering food. Gathering ideas.

Gathering courage to shake it up in a small town.

Without getting on stage.

Sweet.