I’m no stranger to facial hair. And I’m certainly a supporter of mustaches. However, I understand that there are many people who can’t grow lip sweaters. Whether it’s due to genetics, illness, workplace rules or simply gender, some poor souls must remain fresh-faced. Until Locks for Love allows me to donate my beard to someone (all joking aside, that’s a great charity that I urge you to check out), those without blooming facial follicles will be forced to find alternative means for covering their lips. While using a permanent marker to draw a stache may seem like a good idea, that can get out of hand. Fake mustaches tend to fall off at inopportune times and masks are just plain creepy. Thankfully, SkyMall is prepared to address this serious issue. Now, when guests come over to SkyMall Monday headquarters, they too can have a mustache thanks to the new Mustache Mirror.Mustaches show that you are a virile man (or woman, if you’re Sicilian). They display your power, confidence and potency. These are traits that must be broadcast to the world. For some, however, mustaches are as elusive as unicorns, leprechauns and the McRib. That doesn’t mean that they should be denied the joy one experiences when they first see themselves with a swath of hair darting across their upper lip like a steamship proudly crossing the Atlantic.
Think that mustaches are only for pedophiles and dictators? Believe that mustaches should have died in the 80s? Your prejudice only makes me more determined to share the product description with you:
Ever wonder how you’d look styled with a ‘stache? Worry not about facial hair farming inhibitions, thanks to our exclusive beveled-edge mirror.
Three bushy, manly lip ticklers are printed boldly at the perfect level so you can try one on for size; the ready-to-hang accent will be a hit in your entry or powder room.
Worry not, indeed! Plus, we’re bringing back the term “powder room.” That’s a bonus.
While I would prefer to see more than three mustaches on the mirror and wish that handlebar varieties made up less than 66.6% of the options, I still feel that the Mustache Mirror is a major breakthrough in facial hair research.
For all of you without mustaches, this is your rebirth. You have a second chance to live the life you always felt you were supposed to live. Remember, mustaches are not a choice. They’re a way of life.
For more information on mustaches, I urge you to visit the American Mustache Institute.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.