Galley Gossip: Ivana Trump harasses two little kids on a flight

by Heather Poole on

Ivana, Ivana, Ivana, you do not – I repeat – you do NOT call a child a barbarian. Out loud. On a flight. Oh sure, you can think it, we’re all probably thinking it, but to outright say it….I don’t think so. Not a good idea.

Now I probably would not have believed this story about a passenger who is suing Ivana Trump for calling his two adorable children names – ages 3 and 18 months – or the fact that Ivana has filed her own counter suit against the passenger who created those little barbarians. But the fact that the word barbarian was used to describe two little children, well…that is just so so wrong. Which only means it has to be true!

I mean who else but Ivana would use such a word? Brat. Fine. Terror. Okay. Monster. Sure. But barbarian? That’s a bit much, don’t you think? Which is exactly why I believe this outlandish story. And why I’ll be using the word barbarian as often as I can throughout this post. And on my flights. But only to myself. And maybe the crew. Possibly you. But that’s it.
So anyway, after the children were told to shut up – oh yeah, that’s what Ivana apparently said – the parents asked the flight attendant to get the Captain.
The Captain?
Ummm….okay.

Man oh man, I would have loved to have seen how the Captain handled that little situation. I wonder what our own pilot, Kent, would have done?

Now when I imagine a barbarian passenger, I do not think of two little kids, no matter how terrible they may have acted at 35,000 feet. Oh no. The thought that comes to my mind is a visual of the guy who was sitting in the row behind and across the aisle from me on my flight from Honolulu to Los Angeles last Wednesday. Now that, dear readers, was a barbarian.

He, the barbarian who was big and bald with one of those weird little hair patches sprouting off his chin, had the audacity to ring his call light and yell at the teeny tiny flight attendant for ten minutes about the thirty minute delay we took on the ground. This took place after he had already called the airline while we were on the ground to find out why, EXACTLY, we were still on the ground.

What I wanted to know was why, EXACTLY, he was using his cell phone when were on the tarmac and about to takeoff. And what, EXACTLY, he was trying to prove by pushing his weight, all 250 pounds of it, around.

Of course ripping the airline a new one wasn’t enough. He then went on to complain to the man wearing the dark blue designer jeans sitting beside me about the thirty minute delay. On and on the barbarian went as Mr. trendy nodded in agreement. When he finally stopped, it was only because he had another delay on another airline to complain about, and so on, and so on, until it was finally our turn to grab our things and deplane the aircraft.

“I (BLEEPING) hate this airline,” he growled, as he stepped aside to allow his nine year-old daughter into the aisle.

Barbarians, I tell you, they’re (BLEEPING) everywhere.

You think she’s bad? Get a load of what these women did!

Galley Gossip: There’s more to Miami than La Carreta

by Heather Poole on

“There’s more to Miami than La Carreta,” said the well dressed passenger seated in 9D, the seat directly in front of my jump seat, as we slowly climbed to our cruising altitude.

“Oh I don’t know about that!” I laughed, as I loosened my seat belt so I could lean into the aisle and see why the woman three rows back kept waving her hands at me.

“The seat belt sign is on,” I told the woman as I pointed to the ceiling, at the illuminated seat belt sign, after she had asked if she could go to the restroom. “I’ll let you know when it’s safe to get up.”

NOTE: If the flight attendant is still sitting in the jump seat, you should certainly be seated in your seat. It’s not safe to get up yet.

The passenger wearing the nice suit seated directly in front of me just shook his head. Then he looked at the handsome guy with the longish hair from Chile sitting beside him and said, “tell Heather there’s more to Miami than La Carreta!”

The Chilean just smiled at me sweetly, so I smiled back. I don’t think he even knew what we were talking about. But the father and son team from the Dominican Republic wearing matching New York Yankee ball caps across the aisle from the Chilean knew exactly what the stylish one and I were talking about, because in unison they cried, “there’s more to Miami!”

Now this conversation began right after the passenger, the well dressed one, had asked “Do you fly to Miami often?”

“No. Not really,” I said. “Not if I can help it. I can’t even remember the last time I had a layover in Miami.” Then I went on to explain why I’m not a fan of the New York – Miami trips, which had more to do with the Miami International Airport than Miami itself.

“I think you need to give Miami another shot. It’s a fantastic city!” he interrupted.

I’m sure it is. But how would I know? Long gone are the days when I can actually do something on my layover other than shower, eat, and sleep. You see my Miami is not his Miami – the sexy exciting international Miami. Oh no. My Miami is a four hour sit at the airport between flights. My Miami is wearing a navy blue polyester dress and sweating my you know what off as my hair begins to frizz because of the heat and humidity inside the airport terminal. My Miami is swarms of passengers carrying too much heavy luggage wrapped in plastic. My Miami is a plane full of scantily dressed passengers who get angry as soon as they realize we don’t have blankets on board. My Miami originates from New York. Enough said?

I explained this to the well dressed passenger after the flight attendant working in first class made the announcement that it was safe to use electronic devices. Of course the woman three rows back who had waved her hands at me earlier began waving the hands again.

“Not yet. Soon,” I told her as I pointed to the seat belt sign again.

The woman began to crawl over her seatmate anyway.

I shook my head and yanked on my own harness straps for emphasis. “I’ll come get you when it’s safe.”

She sat back down.

Turning my attention back to the well dressed one, I added that even though the New York – Miami route isn’t my favorite trip, I do get excited, probably a little too excited, about one thing – La Caretta.

La Caretta is a popular Cuban restaurant located in concourse D outside of security. Apparently, according to the well dressed one, La Carreta has several locations in the city of Miami, but, as you know, I only have time to go to the one located at the airport. Trust me, it’s worth leaving the secured area for the food at La Caretta, no matter how long the lines.

White rice and black beans with a sprinkling of onions and cilantro and a side of beef picadillo and plantains, that’s what I order each and every time I pass through town. The best part about La Carreta, besides the good food, are the reasonable prices. The large portions aren’t bad, either. Don’t you know I can eat it all – it’s that good!

Of course, after La Carreta it’s off to Versailles for a cafe con leche.

La Carreta is as close to the city of Miami as I get these days. And I imagine it will be a very long time before flight crews see long layovers again. So when someone tells me there’s more to Miami than La Carreta, I am forced to disagree. For me, and other flight attendants, La Carreta is the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when you’re working the New York – Miami route.

Galley Gossip: Love on the Plane – plus enter to win More Than This by Margo Candela

by Heather Poole on

Love on the plane, it happens. In fact, it happened to me. That’s where I met my husband, on a flight from New York to Los Angeles. I’m guessing we were somewhere over Illinois when I gave him my phone number. The interesting thing about it is he wasn’t even my type (not at all), which was good because my type, I soon realized, had a tendency to suck.

Love on an airplane. It happens. I don’t know why it doesn’t happen more often.

I mean where else but on an airplane (or at an airport) do you get such an interesting mix of people from all walks of life? Not to mention, you can tell a lot about a person by how they travel, particularly when it comes to how they treat the flight attendant. Don’t believe me? Next time you find yourself cramped in a middle seat, just watch the people around you.

I noticed my husband right away. What I liked about him was he didn’t flirt, but he was nice and very polite. Always he said please and thank you, and he looked me in the eye whenever he addressed me, which rarely seems to happen these days. The thing that stood out the most about the passenger who would soon become my husband, was a very tasty looking sandwich he had brought on-board from a deli in Manhattan. That said it all. It said he liked good food. It said he was a man with a plan. It said he knew how to take care of himself. When he noticed me drooling over his seat, he offered me a bite. I didn’t take the bite, but I knew right then and there he was the guy for me. Eight months later we were engaged. Six years later we have a two year-old son.

Love on the airplane. It happens. Has it happened to you?

Ever been at the airport, or on an airplane, when you spot that hot guy (or girl) at the exact same time he (or she) looks at you, and you swear you can actually feel your heart beating just as he (or she) is boarding a flight, deplaning the flight, or in the process of taking another flight, and you want to yell out WAIT! STOP! But you don’t. Because…well…normal people just don’t scream out in public places at strangers, even if that stranger makes your heart go thump thump thump. Yet later you find yourself wishing you’d actually done just that. And you wonder what would have happened if you had done just that – yelled those two little words that may have changed your life forever.
Chances are, if you’ve ever been in a situation like the one mentioned above, you’re going to love More Than This by Margo Candela. I know I did. Oh sure Margo is a friend, and one of the writers in my writing group, but this girl can write! Trust me. In fact, movie deals for this book should be rolling in any day now. I’ve already offered (okay fine, I demanded!) to play the role of the flight attendant when the movie comes out.
So tell me all about your experiences with love on the plane – whether it happened, almost happened, didn’t happen (but wish it had), or maybe it did happen and you really wish it hadn’t happened – and you’ll have a chance to win an autographed copy of More Than This, a story about missed connections, written by Margo Candela. The perfect read to pass your time on the next flight. We’ll draw a lucky winner by Friday, August 8, 2008
Good Luck!
  • To enter, simply leave a comment below telling us all about your experience finding love on an airplane.
  • The comment must be left before Friday, August 8, 2008 at 5pm Eastern time
  • You may enter only once.
  • One winner will be selected in a random drawing.
  • One Grand Prize Winner will receive a free, autographed copy of More Than This, by Margo Candela.
  • Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia who are 18 and older.
  • Book is valued at $14.
  • Click here for complete Official Rules.

Galley Gossip: Naked on a plane – everything you ever wanted to know, and more…

by Heather Poole on

I can’t remember the precise destination we were working, but what I do remember was the shocked look on my coworkers face when he came running up to the first class galley and exclaimed, “There’s a naked woman in coach!”

“What!” two of us cried in unison.

Needless to say, the breakfast service was now on hold. How could we serve bagels when there was a nekkid lady aboard the flight? Into the oven the bread went, and off and running we went, ignoring any passengers who may have tried to wave us down as we headed straight to the the back of the airplane, a blur of four dressed in blue.

“There she is. The last row,” said one of my coworkers as we neared the last row.

“Oh my god,” I remember thinking, or saying, I can’t remember, it was just too crazy to remember. What I do remember is she was young, cute, and naked. College aged, I’d say.

Now this was pre 9/11, so the flight was empty, and the thought of terrorists were the furthest from our minds. The only thing on our minds, besides this naked lady, was why in the world the lady would get naked on the airplane in the first place? Unfortunately, we would never find out.

Quietly the young woman sat in her seat with the seat belt buckled across her…umm…naked…lap, and smiled. I think I may have smiled back, but in all honesty, I can’t remember. I mean we’re talking naked lady here!

The one not wearing clothes had decided to take it all off right after she exited the lavatory, which was right after the flight attendants in coach had pulled the beverage cart up to the front of the coach cabin. Totally naked, as in one hundred percent nude, she sat down in the last row, which was where she continued to sit, naked and alone, until the flight attendants rolled the cart back to her seat. I’m sure there was quite a loud gasp from the one placing a napkin on the tray table when he realized what it was that hid behind the table.

“Ma’am, you need to put your clothes back on!” demanded one of my coworkers.

We all stood there, hovering over the woman and nodding in agreement. Never in a thousand years would I have ever dreamed I’d be listening to a coworker ordering a passenger to get dressed. To help open an emergency exit, maybe. To put on a pair of panties, never.

Each of us tried to coax the woman back into her clothes, but she wasn’t having it, not when she had other things in mind, like returning to her original seat. Which normally would be fine. However climbing over the seats, three rows of them, naked, was not fine.

Now that wasn’t my only naked passenger experience. Thirteen years ago when I worked for Sunjet, a low cost carrier, an elderly woman decided to take off all of her clothes and then she decided to get off the “bus” by trying to open the emergency exit in flight. This, of course, scared the heck out of the passengers seated nearby, who watched in horror as she pulled on the door, a door that can not be opened, no matter how hard one tries, in flight.

Why all this talk about naked passengers? Iva Skoch’s post, Passenger strips nude, tries to open emergency exit, led me to start writing about my own personal experiences, which in turn led to a little research on flying nude, which has resulted in an awful lot of information about flying in the buff.

Obviously, the passengers mentioned above weren’t exactly…well…they just weren’t well! I mean normal people, at least the normal people I know, don’t take it all off on a flight. But for those of you who are…umm…well…and actually interested in stripping down at 35,000 feet, you can do so one of two ways. Apparently flying “the way god intended” is all the rage in Germany right now. But if you can’t get to Germany, you can hope and pray that Naked Air takes off again, like they did in 2003, and then you, too, can take it all off after take off.

WAIT….before you click the following link to visit the Naked Air Website, please be aware that there are nude photos on the site, very disturbing nude photos of naked people, naked people who should probably not be naked, based on the way they look naked – except for sneakers – on an airplane. Remember, you were warned. Now GO!

For those of you still with me, you may have a couple questions, like I did when I first realized this kind of thing was actually going on. (Someone please tell me why it is going on?) Below are a few questions and answers I pulled from the Naked Air website…

What about the flight crew and attendants…were they naked too? No… they can’t be. The pilots and the flight crew will remain dressed as they always do. We need to remember that the flight crew and attendants have a serious job to do… and that’s to get us to our destination safely.

Hot coffee on a nude flight? …Ouch! For that reason we did not offer hot beverages on the flight, but we did have appropriate snacks and beverage service for the time of day that we traveled.

Hey…everyone was naked…hmm…could they do whatever they want? The Naked-Air nude flight was exactly what it were advertised as… a chance to fly nude and make a little history in the process. The flight was a lot of fun to be sure… but any sexually suggestive behavior or advances to any other passengers would have been inappropriate for this flight, and absolutely forbidden. This rule was well known by all of our passengers in advance of booking would have been strictly enforced, if necessary… but it wasn’t. Nudists are nude… not lewd!

Did everyone have to get naked before they got on the plane? NO, because everybody knows that it’s way too cold in the terminal building. Seriously… the basic rules were that all passengers did the check-in, went to the gate, boarded the plane just like any other flight. It’s only after the plane took off and reached cruising altitude that the rules changed. Once cruising altitude was reached all the passengers were then free to get out of their clothing.

So what about hygiene and things like that? If you have ever been to a nudist or naturist resort or gathering, you would know that the one item that you are to have with you at all times, is a towel to sit on. This flight was no different. We provided special commemorative towels for that purpose, We required those towels (or our clients own towels) to be used at all times.

Still with me?

All I can say is thank god for those commemorative towels.

Galley Gossip: A question about tipping flight attendants

by Heather Poole on

As a chronic over tipper in restaurants I’ve always been a bit confused when on a plane. While very occasionally an attendant will accept a tip, most often they move off before you can even try. Sometimes they outright won’t accept a tip. I’ve been in union jobs where the union disallows tipping in order to get a higher wage. Is this the case? I tip at the very least a dollar a drink at a bar, and I figure an attendant deserves even more than that. What gives?

Cliff F.

Before I can address Cliff’s question about tipping flight attendants, I have to say that I want you, Cliff, on one of my flights! Please let me know when you’re traveling again and I’ll trade onto the trip. Why? Because you sound nice. Because good passengers make good trips. Trust me, I’m not saying this because you’re a big tipper, but because you understand the plight of the working class. As for your question about tipping on flights, flight attendants, at least the ones at my airline, are not supposed to accept tips. Why aren’t we allowed to accept tips? I’m not sure – exactly. But my guess is it has something to do with the higher wage flight attendants make opposed to other service industry workers, like Cliff mentioned. Even though I do not accept tips (it’s my job to serve you that drink!), that tip, the one I did not accept, is greatly appreciated. So thank you, Cliff, for thinking of me. And I’ll be looking for you on my next flight.

Heather Poole