Galley Gossip: A memorable flight for a first time flier

I knew something was up when an attractive woman wearing a fur vest walked to the back of the airplane during boarding and pulled my coworker aside on a flight from Dallas to New York. I couldn’t really make out what they were saying as I set up the galley, shoving snacks in a drawer and stacking cups in an insert, but it had something to do with a kid who had spent his entire summer babysitting while his friends went on vacation. The woman, it turned out, was the aunt who wanted to do something special for the boy, something that his friends had never experienced.

“Ya think he can visit the pilot during the flight?” asked the woman smiling brightly. “It’s his first flight.”

“No, I’m sorry, we don’t do that anymore, not during the flight,” said my coworker. “But you can take him up there now while we’re still boarding.”

The exchange reminded me of a conversation I’d had with a guy who recently told me about a memorable flight he’d had as a child. It happened back in 70’s when passengers actually dressed up to travel. He’d fallen asleep next to his mother and awoke to find that a pair of wings had been pinned to the lapel of his jacket. Not only did he keep the gold American Airline wings, he shared a photo of the jr. pilot wings, circa 1977, that the flight attendant had given to him aboard a B707. “It was the strangest thing,” he said, reflecting back on the flight in awe. So strange, in fact, the experience may have been life altering. Bryan is now a pilot who also creates aviation T-shirt art.

Bryan isn’t the only one who has experienced a memorable flight while growing up. I’ve heard several amazing stories over the years that have actually affected me! Now whenever I have kids on board I make it a point to march them up to the cockpit to meet the pilots. If they’re lucky they’ll get to push a few buttons and might even get a copy of the flight plan after we land. You never know whose future you may be shaping with one simple push of a button and a handful of paper.

With that in mind, I stowed the plastic mallet I’d been using to break the ice and made my way up the aisle to the front of the aircraft where I could see a familiar furry vest standing just outside the cockpit door. “Do you have a camera?” I asked the woman.

That’s when my colleague magically appeared with an iphone and said, “I’ve got it,” as she snapped a photo of the boy sitting in the Captain’s seat, a boy I would soon come to know as Cade, which is the adorable boy pictured above wearing the pilot hat. I decided to interview Cade later in flight.

NAME: (Spelling) C. A. D. E. W. I. L. L. I. A. M

AGE: 6

Where do you live, Cade? White Oak, Texas.

What are you going to do while you’re in New York? See the Lion King

Fun! Make sure to visit Toys R Us and ride the ferris wheel, too. So tell me, what did you like best about the airport? The restaurants. And how the airplane is parked right beside the airport.

What did you like best about visiting the cockpit? Steering

What’s your favorite thing to do on the airplane?
Look out the window.

If you could be anywhere in the world, where would you want to be? On an airplane, except not in this seat. It’s not a good seat.

Yeah, I know what you mean. First class seats are much better. Where do you think you’ll travel to next? Antarctica. Wanna know what I want for Christmas?

Sure. A baby penguin. But it might be hard to keep up with.

You might be right. I know a pilot named Kent pretty well who likes to answer questions. If you could ask him a question, what would it be? What states have you been to?

Good question. I’ll see if I can get him to answer it. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? A scientist. Because I can draw dragons and ghosts and cars. Want me to draw you one? Want me to write you a story?

Of course! I’ll get you a piece of paper so you can get to work….

THE INTERVU ON THE PLANE, by Cade.

One day I got on a plane. And I got an intervu. And who did my intervu? Was Mrs. Heather. My Captin was sleepy so I helped him out and got to drive the plane. We got to New York!

What a great story! I’m really impressed. Okay, now do me a favor and draw a picture of a dragon while I double bag the coffee and offer the pilots a cup.

Ten pilots you DON’T want in your cockpit.

When it comes to making fun of airline employees, pilots are usually off limits. Screw with a flight attendant, and you may not get your drink, screw with the TSA, and you may end up missing your flight. But screwing around with a pilot just doesn’t feel right.

In the past couple of days, some pilots have shown that they really are human, and that they screw up just like the rest of us. So this justifies a lineup of some of the most stupid pilots out there.

1. Pilot drops his pants – asks checkpoint staff to “search this”

Look – we all hate the checkpoint, and I’m sure that pilots hate it even more, as they probably encounter more checkpoints than most of us ever will. But when security staff annoy you, pulling your pants and underpants down and demanding the staff “check this” is probably not a very good idea.

2. Whoops – missed the airport by 150 miles

This one will stay in our minds for quite some time. Two Northwest Airlines pilots overshot the Minneapolis airport by 150 miles. Ignoring all radio contact and text messages from their dispatcher, these guys were “distracted” when they failed to notice they were miles away from their original destination.

As you can see in the photo above (which is the actual track from FlightAware.com), when they realized their error, they turned the plane around and headed back towards MSP. The two are now without a pilots license, and I personally wouldn’t even trust them to drive a bus, let alone a passenger jet.

3. He almost got away with what he got away with

Argentine pilot Juan Alberto Poch had a fantastic job – he flew for Dutch carrier Transavia, doing short flights all around Europe. He’d flown his whole life, and was taking his final flight in the pilots seat, one day before retirement.

This really was a dream job for him, because Mr. Poch had a bit of a sinister past. During the Argentine dirty war, he was responsible for flying planes over the ocean and dumping innocent people out the back door, in an attempt to make them disappear.

On his very last flight, officials arrested him and made preparations for deporting him back to Argentina where he’ll face charges of mass murder.

4. When in doubt, blame the strong German beer

American Airlines pilot Joseph Crites was caught by the breathalyzer at Heathrow airport right before he was scheduled to fly a plane to Chicago.

The test showed he was more than 4 times over the legal limit, and he was removed from the plane and arrested. Apparently, every single person in the world knows that German beer is good strong stuff. Except for Mr. Crites.

5. Drunken flight attendant sex does not end well

When charges against you include indecent exposure, open lewdness, public drunkenness, loitering and prowling at night and disorderly conduct you just know it had to have been one hell of a party. And when the party involves a drunk and naked pilot walking through the woods, you know it isn’t going to end well.

The pilot works/worked for Pinnacle airlines, and he claimed he had walked into the woods with a flight attendant for a little drunken sex. He was not on duty at the time, but the rules are very simple – 8 hours between bottle and throttle.

6. Passengers spot drunk pilot – demand a sober one

If your pilot sounds drunk when he makes his pre-flight announcement, I’d say it is pretty logical for you to demand a sober one.

Aeroflot does not really agree with this, and even though the passenger protests eventually forced authorities to seek a sober flight crew, the airline actually issued a statement claiming that being drunk up front isn’t much of an issue, because “the plane basically flies itself”.

7. Another pilot caught red handed

It takes a pretty dumb pilot to even consider flying when drunk, but it takes a special level of stupid to head to the airport when drunk, get caught, then jump into the bathroom to change into your regular clothes while calling your airline claiming you are sick. This all happened at Port Columbus airport back in January.

8. A stupid mistake with a very lucky ending

October 2009 was a bad month for Delta Airlines – first one of their Northwest planes missed the airport, then one of their own jets landed at Atlanta airport on the taxiway. Read that again – these pilots actually landed on a part of the airport where they could have potentially plowed right through another aircraft, or even an airport vehicle.

Apparently one of the crew members was ill, and in the confusion, they screwed up. Thankfully nobody was injured as the taxiway was empty at the time.

9. What is this airport thing you speak of?

I’m by no means a pilot, but I am pretty sure that one of the things on your checklist is actually knowing w
here you are heading when you throttle up the engines. Sadly, the pilot of a KLM flight back in 2007 failed that.

The plane was on its way to Shamshabad, the new airport for Hyderabad in India. Apparently nobody at the airline had told them about this new airport, and when air traffic controllers told them to head towards Shamshabad, they replied “what is Shamshabad?”.

The crew then decided it would be much easier to just divert to Mumbai, causing a 1500 mile diversion. In their defense, the airline is probably more to blame than the pilots, as they are responsible for issuing the “notam” alerting pilots to new airports, as well as updating flight computers and maps.

10. Potty mouth pilot thrown off his own plane

First class passengers on a Northwest Airlines flight were treated to quite a show when their pilot stepped aboard swearing away on his phone. His “F this, F that” tirade was enough for the passengers to demand a new pilot.

I’ve actually encountered something similar – I was flying Cathay Pacific “up front” when two deadheading pilots got on board and talked loudly behind me about the “f’ing airline management” and how they hated the company. I politely requested them to shut the hell up. When the purser asked about the incident, they were both removed from the plane.

Northwest pilots fly plane miles past airport where plane was supposed to land

Missing a highway exit, thus driving well past it and needing to turn around may be common, particularly if a driver is feeling spaced out and road hashed. Missing an airport, thus flying past it, is unusual. Even so, it happened this past Wednesday. A Northwest Airlines Airbus A320 overshot Minneapolis where it was heading.

Luckily, the plane only went 150 miles further before the pilots realized their mistake and turned around. I guess they must have missed the fact the landscape below had turned from rural to suburban to urban. Minneapolis does have impressive architecture and it’s not small. How do you not notice a city?

Overshooting Minneapolis wasn’t the pilots only mistake. They didn’t contact radio controllers for over an hour. Because of this, the Air National Guard was alerted to be on stand-by and airport police met the plane when it landed at Minneapolis-St. Paul International airport. Police involvement is standard procedure when there is a communication failure.

As an explanation for the big whoops!, the pilots said they were distracted by a heated discussion they were having about airline policy. That must have been some discussion.

There is a possibility that the pilots may have been suffering from pilot fatigue which caused these errors. They could have been taking a snooze. Whether it was fatigue or a heated discussion, the pilots are suspended from flying during the investigation.

As for the 144 passengers, they didn’t know anything was amiss until the police showed up.

I can imagine those people who had scrambled to get their bags out of the overhead bin before the seat belt sign went off thinking when they saw the police board the plane, “Wow, I won’t do that again. I promise I’ll keep my seat belt fastened and wait for that last ding. I swear I will.” [Bloomberg.com]

*The photo is of an aerial shot of Minneapolis. Along with the tall buildings, it seems like the water could be a nifty visual cue to keep in mind when flying to Minneapolis.

Plane Answers: Is there a pilot shortage coming?

Welcome to Gadling’s feature, Plane Answers, where our resident airline pilot, Kent Wien, answers your questions about everything from takeoff to touchdown and beyond. Have a question of your own? Ask away!

Justin asks:

I have seen advertisements lately that have been saying that there will be a large number of airline pilots retiring in the next few years and that the demand for new pilots will be high. Is this just a rumor or what?

If so what do you suggest as the best route in becoming an airline pilot?

For the next three years, we’ll likely see some of the fewest pilot retirements since the end of World War II. On December 13th, 2007, the mandatory retirement age for pilots was raised by Congress from 60 to 65 years. This has drastically reduced retirements for the past two years, and we’re likely not going to see those numbers pick up until after December of 2012.

This may seem like bad news, but if you’re in your late teens to early twenties, you may be in a good position to take advantage of this stagnation while you work on your 4-year college degree and pick up the ratings and flight time needed to be competitive when the hiring resumes.
For the first five years after 2012 to 2017 we’ll see retirement rates of 3% per year at my airline, climbing from 4 to 7% in the following five years and, starting in 2022, up to 10% of our pilots will retire every year until 2027.

Unfortunately many airlines still have large numbers of pilots on furlough, which means that those pilots, if they choose to return, are first in line when the economy picks up. American Airlines has 1,889 pilots on furlough, United has 1,164 and USAirways has 224. ASA and American Eagle each have between 70 and 80 pilots on furlough.

And, unlike in previous downturns, large corporate operators have been hit as well. FlexJet currently has a total of 89 or 17% of their pilots on furlough.

(Furlough numbers courtesy of Airline Pilot Central)

There’s another piece of legislation that may have an impact on your career path as well. The House passed a bill five days ago that requires an ATP certificate to fly for any passenger carrying airline, which means that co-pilots will now be required to have a minimum of 1,500 hours total flight time instead of 250. While it was rather rare to be hired by an airline at 250 hours, many regionals required at least 500 to 800 hours to be hired last year.

I often find myself giving advice regarding the civilian path to the airlines, and if the new bill clears the Senate, that advice will likely change a bit. In the past, I’ve always said that a degree from an aviation school such as Embry-Riddle, Daniel Webster, Purdue or Western Michigan University wasn’t a must. I stressed that a pilot could always get a 4-year degree from the college or university of your choice, in a field they may want to fall back on, while earning their ratings from a flight school nearby.

But the new bill is expected to give credit to pilots who attend an aviation university, which they can use to reduce the 1,500 hour flight time minimum for their ATP rating. Keep in mind, however, that even after attending one of these schools for four years, it’s not likely their students will have the requirements met for an ATP license, so they’ll have to flight instruct or hop rides until they can log the required flight time.

I’m sorry that I don’t have better news, but this legislation could at least increase the pay rates for starting co-pilots at regional airlines desperate to attract 1,500 hour ATP-rated pilots. The pool of qualified pilots out there will be much fewer overnight if this legislation passes.

Good luck.

Do you have a question about something related to the pointy end of an airplane? Ask Kent and maybe he’ll use it for next Monday’s Plane Answers. Check out his other blog, Cockpit Chronicles and travel along with him at work.

Cockpit Chronicles: “Flying Drunk” by Joe Balzer

Most people would question their career choice after working for five different airlines in their first six years as a pilot. But the early ’90s were a turbulent time in the industry, and I was simply happy to be working, even if it was as a flight engineer on the 727. Flying is what I wanted to do.

But a flight engineer doesn’t actually fly. This position, once reserved for experienced mechanics, was now populated with junior pilots working their way up the seniority ranks until they could hold a co-pilot or captain seat. I seemed to have had the unfortunate luck to be at my third airline working at that very junior flight engineer seat by 1996.

There I was, sitting in another indoctrination class, in a windowless room featuring six Office Depot particle board tables with twelve swivel-type desk chairs looking at a white dry erase board.

This time I would be learning about Kittyhawk Air Cargo; their rules, procedures, insurance benefits and hazardous material policies among other things.

If I had, even for a moment, felt that my career had been less than charmed up to this point, those thoughts would soon be eclipsed by a pilot sitting behind me and to my left. He was someone with a very well known past.

In the previous row I heard the typical banter of two new-hire pilots. The first pilot answered the most often asked question in this setting; where’d you come from?

It sounds rather direct, but there’s no better way to get to know a fellow aviator; their experience and maybe even if they’ve flown with someone you know.

My ears perked up when I heard my classmate mention he’d flown in Alaska, since I had spent the first 3 years of my career up there. I quickly realized from eavesdropping, that we’d flown in different parts of the state.

“How about you?” The Alaskan pilot asked his neighbor sitting to the left.

“Remember those Northwest pilots who were arrested for flying under the influence?” He said, as everyone in the class glanced toward him like the famous EF Hutton commercial where people stop talking and turn to listen to a far more interesting conversation.

“I was the flight engineer on that flight.”
It’s fair to say that no one has ever had a more turbulent career than Joe Balzer. But flying was what he too, had always wanted to do.

His career started at Delta as an aircraft cleaner while he flew at night as a right-seat pilot/freight loader aboard WWII vintage cargo planes out of Florida to the Bahamas. Later on, he worked as a Learjet pilot before landing his dream job at Eastern Air Lines.

Joe left for greener pastures at Northwest while Eastern began to collapse.

And on a winter’s night in Fargo, North Dakota, his career would also begin to crumble.

Since it was clear that our indoctrination class wouldn’t be starting until we heard Joe’s full story, the instructor agreed to let Joe speak in front of our class.

This wasn’t going to be your typical indoctrination class, I remember thinking.

Joe explained the circumstances that led up to a night of drinking on his long Fargo layover. While he and his co-pilot had given up on their captain and went to bed before the eight-hour “bottle-to-throttle” rule, the captain remained at the pub long afterwards. He made enough of a scene that a few patrons of the bar elected to call the FAA in an effort to prevent this captain’s flight from departing in the morning.

A representative of the FAA met up with the crew the next morning and asked them about the night before. Joe insisted on taking a breathalyzer test, but the inspector deemed that to be unnecessary.

But when they arrived in Minneapolis a few hours later, the state police were there to handcuff all three pilots at the gate and take them away.

It turns out, Joe and the co-pilot were just over the FAA’s legal limit of .04 blood alcohol level.

While we listened to Joe’s story, I couldn’t help notice that he didn’t blame anyone but himself and he remained amazingly positive and upbeat about his situation.

After turning down a plea-bargain (a mistake that cost him dearly) Joe lost all his licenses and ratings to fly and spent a year in a federal penitentiary in Atlanta. It was at this point that the story became edge-of-your-seat interesting.

Joe finished up his story, leaving his classmates and even the instructor in a stunned silence.

Later, I invited Joe to my place, where he relayed the experience in even more detail to my brother and me.

“Joe, you need to write a book.” I remember saying.

Apparently, over the next decade enough people said the same thing to Joe, that he’s done just that.

In July, Flying Drunk was released and I managed to get an early copy. It sat in my suitcase for a few days before I tackled it on a rainy London layover. I missed lunch. A few hundred pages later and I had missed dinner as well.

Joe chronicled his early career, which would be fascinating reading for anyone learning to fly today who hopes to become an airline pilot. Flying Drunk pulled me in like no other aviator autobiography.

For Kittyhawk and later American Airlines to give Joe another shot at a flying career after his horrible mistake in 1992, is a testimony to Joe and those at the subsequent interviews who listened to his story.

Cecil Ewell, the well respected and now retired Vice President of Fight Operations at American, says this about Joe:

“In 1998, a man came to my office looking for a job as a pilot for American Airlines. I had 50,000 applications for only 80 jobs per month. The story he told me nearly caused me to fall out of my chair. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In my 50-year aviation career, his hiring was my greatest success.”

I talked to Joe Balzer this week about the book and his flying career:

Kent: Joe, American took a bit of a publicity risk in hiring you 11 years ago. Have they been supportive of your efforts with this book today?

Joe: The men who hired me at American Airlines knew my hiring had potential for controversy, yet they felt like they were doing the right thing, by giving a man a chance that no other airline would give him. This is a company that is dedicated to helping people recover from alcoholism, saving families and pilots, and getting people back to work with the true potential that they have living sober lives. I struggled for so long to feel useful in the workplace, and writing this book has created the opportunity for me to give something back to all of the employees of American Airlines and the rest of the world.

Kent: There have been a few recent cases of pilots that were pulled off trips while passing through security after they were found to have been drinking prior a flight. Have you ever talked to any of these pilots?


Joe: I have spoken to several pilots who have gotten into trouble. It’s amazing how similar their feelings are to the ones I was having when my life fell apart. Most of these pilots really want to change their lives and get help. They want to surrender and learn about themselves and the disease of alcoholism, find support, get an education and become healthy and sober people.



Alcoholism is a very misunderstood disease, and denial and the negative social stigma do tremendous damage. My desire is to educate people about the disease, and perhaps raise the tragic bottom for someone so they don’t have to go through what I did before they seek help.

Kent: Do you think alcoholism is a widespread problem among airline employees? Should passengers be concerned?

Joe: Based on the letters I have received from other pilots and many conversations I have had, alcoholism is alive and well among every work group in this country, and to think it doesn’t affect pilots in today’s world would be pure denial of reality.



All airlines and companies with flight departments have people who are still suffering from alcoholism and need help, and thankfully, many companies have an employee assistance program to help people recover from this 100% fatal disease.



Over 4,000 pilots have been rehabilitated with the HIMS program, and every single pilot who is flying in recovery is enhancing air safety. Think about it, if just one pilot on the NWA crew in 1990 had been in recovery, the flight would have never left the gate.

Kent: What has been the reaction from the pilots you’re currently flying with?

Joe: The vast majority of pilots I have flown with or talked to have been very positive. Most pilots tell me that they admire my perseverance and are happy that American Airlines offered me the opportunity to fly again for a major airline.



Some amazing things have happened also. One pilot I spoke to on an airplane called me a few weeks after I met him and told me that “after hearing your story and talking to my wife, I decided to enter a treatment program for alcoholism.” When I heard that, I had a feeling of usefulness, that all of my pain and suffering was for the greater good and would help other people.



This pilot is a happy sober pilot today and is grateful for the positive change sobriety has made in his life. It’s easy to be locked into toxic shame and guilt, and in my story I explain how that was very dominating in my life. It kept me from wanting to get help.



Just yesterday I had a jumpseat rider who read my book on a four hour flight home. His comment to me was, “Every pilot in the industry needs to read this book.”

Kent: Had you taken the plea bargain which would have eliminated the felony charges, would you have been able to keep your licenses instead of having to go through, like you did, and earn them all back?

Joe: No, the FAA had already EMERGENCY REVOKED all of my pilot licenses–a very horrible experience to say the least. Obviously, my life had become unmanageable at that point in time, I had compromised my personal values by flying an airplane with too much alcohol is my system, and the locomotive had already crushed me. I was like a bug on the windshield of life, crushed and battered, but still somehow hanging on, just enough to get through the day. My flying days were gone, and a giant vacuum was whistling through my heart. That’s how much I enjoyed flying.


Kent: Are you aware of anyone else, besides the Northwest captain, who lost their licenses and earned them back again after a case like this?

Joe: There are many people flying today who have had to earn their licenses back in order to fly again. I think historically, we were the first ones who were ever charged with criminal charges for flying under the influence.

Kent: What has been the most rewarding thing about telling your story?

Joe: The things people say to me after they read the book are very uplifting. My life was super painful and difficult for a very long time. I suffered from post traumatic shock from being in prison for one. Then endured years of rejection from potential employers. I reflect on the wonderful people who were already in my life, my wife, family and friends, and all of the new people God put in my life who have supported me emotionally and spiritually over the years.


Joe’s book, Flying Drunk is available at book stores or directly from his website.

Cockpit Chronicles takes you along on some of Kent’s trips as an international co-pilot on the Boeing 757 and 767 based in Boston. Have any questions for Kent? Check out Plane Answers.