SkyMall Monday: Underwater Pogo Stick

Spring is in the air and thoughts of warm weather, outdoor activities and water sports (not that kind of water sports, sicko) are starting to dance through our heads here at SkyMall Monday headquarters. Nothing beats frolicking in the ocean, lounging in a jacuzzi or enjoying fun and games in a pool. I’ve always been a fan of playing volleyball, basketball and freeze tag in the pool. Taking games played outside of the pool and dipping them in the water just makes everything more fun (See Floating Blackjack). If I could, I’d play UNO, Twister and Spin the Bottle in the pool. But some games just weren’t made to be played underwater. Knowing the difference between dry games and moist games is the key to avoiding painful friction between you and your partner. Games involving bouncing and bumping require moisture. And that’s why one classic game is screaming for us to just add water. Leave it to SkyMall to know when the time is right to get wet and wild by giving us the Underwater Pogo Stick.The problem with pogo sticking has always been the potential castration fear of falling. I’m all for hipping and hopping, but I’m less thrilled by the prospect of tripping and flopping. By bringing the pogo stick into the pool, the threat of broken bones and concussions has been replaced by the chance of drowning. And drowning is a much cooler way to die. If you’re going to die on a pogo stick, you best do so in a way that gets you featured on the front page of the newspaper and not on page F26. No one cares about F26.

I know what you’re thinking. “But, Mike, a pogo stick in the pool? That’s preposterous! Why not a Pogo Ball or a Sit ‘n Spin?” Well, first of all, Pogo Balls are too small for our adult asses. I’m not sure if you’ve looked in the mirror lately, but you’re not a kid anymore. Second of all, Sit ‘n Spin has always been an inappropriate name for a toy. Why not just name it Flippin’ Ya Off? But, since you insist on having the idea of pogo sticking in the water explained, I’ll indulge you. Let’s read the product description together, shall we?

This is the only pogo stick designed for use in swimming pools that allows you to perform a variety of waterborne stunts as you bounce off walls or bottoms. A rigid ball filled with water fits into the non-slip footrest, providing responsive push-off when compressed against a pool’s floor with your body weight, and enables you to splash effortlessly in shallower water and bound powerfully through deeper water.

Before anything can get wet, you must always start with a rigid ball (or two). When things get deeper, you need to be able to bound powerfully.

Everything is better when it’s wetter, so it’s about time we started moistening up our lives. Get bouncing, get jumping and, most importantly, get lubricated. Get the Underwater Pogo Stick.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts