Porn star rights Customs’ wrong

by Tom Johansmeyer on

A Brooklyn guy was faced with the worst of scenarios. Coming through customs on a return trip from Puerto Rico, he was cuffed in San Juan. He was accused of transporting child pornography, because a copy of the DVD “Little Lupe the Innocent” was found in his bags. Of course, Carlos Simon-Timmerman claimed his innocence, so in his mind at least, he was staring down two decades in prison for something he didn’t do.

At times like this, you cross your fingers and hope for a knight in shining armor to rescue you. Carlos got his knight … in the form of porn star Lupe Fuentes. He was freed from the can when Lupe flew down to Puerto Rico earlier this month to prove in court that she was 19 when the movie was made. The fact that she produced her passport and photo identification was much more compelling than the pediatrician called by the feds who insisted that the actress was underage.

So, if you’re taking porn through customs, you may want to do a little research. Get the stars’ cell numbers, or keep copies of their documents on file. You never know when you’ll need it.

And, just for fun, do you know what Carlos does for a living?

Ding dong … you’re pizza’s here.

Helo pilot grounded because of in-flight porn star tryst

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Definition of good sex: you’re willing to come back for more
Definition of great sex: you’re willing to piss away your pilot’s license
Definition of unforgettable sex: “great” sex with a porn star

David Martz is stupid enough to make receiving oral sex unpleasant. How? He was videotaped(!) on the receiving end of a passenger’s lips while flying a helicopter around San Diego. If this is some flyboy version of “put out or get out,” it may have made more sense not to let the camera roll.

What the LA Times doesn’t tell you is that Martz is Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee‘s helicopter pilot … and his passenger was none other than porn star Puma Swede (link to Wikipedia, safe for work).

The National Transportation Safety Board is out for satisfaction – much like Martz, ironically – and pushed to have his license revoked. Going down over San Diego (the helicopter, not the passenger) could have led to lost lives and plenty of property damage.

According to the NTSB, the blowjob itself wasn’t the problem. Pilot and passenger were busted because the video showed both unfastening their seatbelts … apparently much more dangerous than unfastening buttons. The giver’s body blocked the receiver’s access to the controls. Puma Swede, however, says that the whole incident didn’t take long (sorry, Martz). So, maybe the safety folks are being a bit tough on the fast-shooter.

The ruling handed down deprives Martz of his license for one year, though he can appeal the NTSB decision in federal court. Before the 2005 BJ, this pilot’s license was suspended twice and revoked once. But, he stayed out of trouble until being thanked for the spin four years ago.

Believe it or not, Martz almost got away with hit. He received the aerial bliss on May 29, 2005. This year, though, the video popped up on the internet, arousing suspicion and ultimately leading to action.

After the jump, check out a YouTube-friendly version of the video that grounded Martz, and an interview with the lovely Puma Suede.

Porn industry disgusted by flight attendant side job

by Tom Johansmeyer on

“Look, we all have standards,” an adult entertainer familiar with the full- and part-time work of Ryanair flight attendant Edita Schindlerova told The Independent. “I think it’s disgusting that she works for Ryanair. All of us here at Biggus Dickus Productions feel really let down by her. If only she had told us she worked for them, maybe we could have done something to help her. Now, she has lost all our trust. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m off to do a three way.”

If you’ve seen Monty Python’s The Life of Brian, you know not to treat “Biggus Dickus” as a joke name.

While many look down their noses at the porn business, it looks like the airlines are able to give even those in the skin biz someone over which to hold a sense of superiority. Of course, the porn folks could learn a lesson in tolerance from Ryanair, which doesn’t care about Edita’s side job as “Edite Bente.”

If you’re surprised to see the porn industry claim any sort of moral high ground, don’t be. Anyone who has spent a bit of time in this business has had to listen to more than a few hours of First Amendment tirades, claims of wanting to be left alone and so on and so on and so on. Yes, it can get tedious, even though some of it is warranted. Either way, it’s pretty crazy to see the porn industry piss all over the airline business. What happened to “live and let live”?Ryanair flight attendant Schindlerova was recently outed as a part-time porn star by London tabloid The Sun. Her employer doesn’t care, and she hasn’t denied the allegations. She was also featured in the airline’s 2009 calendar, a collection of the sexiest employees that the low-cost carrier has to offer.

Her cover was blown by a pilot who somehow stumbled upon her work. Either this was an incredible coincidence, or this guy, who has not had to see his name in the press, spends a hell of a lot of time cruising the web for porn.

Julia Molony, who covered this story for The Independent, suggests, “Watch out fro the free-orgasm-with-every-flight offer on a billboard near you.” Such naïveté … does she really believe that Ryanair would give “free” anything?

Okay, through some investigative journalism on my part, I’ve been able to find some of her night job work. This is absolutely not safe for work or around children.This is not an adult website, rather it is a Czech tabloid, but do understand that they are able to push the envelope a lot farther than we can in the United States.

See our first story on Schindlerova’s erotic escapades.

Having Best Job in World Risks Best Job in World Contest

by Tom Johansmeyer on

We all know about “the best job in the world” contest. Well, it seems as though one entry could be, um, tainted. Tourism Queensland is digging into claims by London newspaper The Sun that one candidate for the Hamilton Island gig spread her legs for an illegal Russian porn studio.

All we know so far is that someone will get screwed.

Julia Yalovitsyna, one of the top 50 in the contest worked as both a model and a “coach” for other performers, according to reports from The Sun. She plied her trade in her hometown of Petrazavodsk. Allegedly, of course. Yalovitsyna is being prepared as a witness against her husband, Alexei, who is being prosecuted. Yet, she denies this, too, saying she is “shocked” by the news.

Clearly, she’s done something that resonates with fans, as her entry has garnered 42,319 votes – putting her in second place behind a Taiwanese woman named Clare (who, at least so far, does not have any clear connections to the porn business).

Thankfully, a spokeswoman from Tourism Queenland has said that Yalovitsyna will be permitted to continue in the contest. Thankfully? If work in porn (SFW) were a disqualifier, Gadling would have me out on the street.

Catch her entry video after the jump! Sorry, it’s got none of her previous “work” in it. Hell, vote for her anyway.

[Via Sydney Morning Herald]

More sexy women from the travel world


Tips for Adult Expo: Take a shower

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Every year, there is a quiet war waged at Adult Entertainment Expo (safe for work, just links to a previous article). On the one side are the throngs that come from across the country, eager to have that one-time meeting with Ava Rose or desperate to inhale Vivian West’s cigarette smoke. Opposing are the insiders, the people who work in the porn business. They use the convention as a way to reconnect with suppliers and clients … and to strike the deals that will feed them for the rest of the year. The insiders know that you will be there, and they know that you’ll be in the way. They’ve learned to live with this fact. I’ve been told, though, that they would like to pass along one request this year: take a shower.

I know how it is. You hit Las Vegas, and the excitement takes hold. You don’t need to eat or sleep. The booze and casinos are enough of a stimulant. Add a bit of porn, and the adrenaline spikes. You have no choice but to move nonstop. When I’ve covered Adult Entertainment Expo in the past, sleep was optional (usually about three hours a night), and I was lucky to eat once a day. I subsisted on caffeine and nicotine, and I loved it. But, I took a shower every day. At least one.

Want to know why? Given Gadling’s editorial policies, I have to hide the answer behind the jump …

A friend of mine, who is a fixture in the skin biz, asked that I share her advice plea with you:

You forgot to mention the #1 complaint about the fan boys at AEE [Adult Entertainment Expo] though… Please take a fucking shower at least twice during the four days you are at AEE! Seriously – that is the number one complaint from everyone working the convention, from porn chicks all the way through to the security.

Okay, there it is. If you think you have a shot with any of the young ladies whose work you have enjoyed in the past, you at least need to be clean. So, do us all a favor and use the plumbing in your hotel room. They don’t charge extra for it, and you’ll probably wind up having a better time. Assault a starlet’s nasal passages with your stench, and she’ll rush you out of her presence. If you don’t smell offensive, you may actually get a smile.