Ten cruise comments you would rather not hear, ever

by Chris Owen on

Cruise ship operations often get a lot of criticism for having too many announcements over the ship’s loudspeaker system. Some are essential for safety and just general organization of the many passengers on board. Others are not so essential and often aimed at just selling something. Some lines have more than others, some leave phone messages, others attempt to make announcements in crowded deck areas which are hard to hear.

It’s all part of the experience but some comments you would just rather not hear at all. Here are ten of them:

  1. “Hello, this is ship security. I have your son here and…” No matter what comes next, it can’t be good.
  2. “If your luggage has not yet been delivered to your stateroom, please report to…” (They found your smuggled booze)
  3. “HANG ON!” You are on Brilliance of the Seas and another “unexpected storm” will be encountered shortly.
  4. “Fire!” This means you will be having Spam for the next few days, delivered by aircraft carrier.
  5. “Is that your luggage floating in the ocean?” You should have tipped the porters.
  6. “Motion discomfort bags have been places about the ship for your convenience” (rough seas ahead. Get ready to say hello to that lobster you had for dinner again)
  7. “Oh look honey! There is a big sale at in the ship’s jewelry store! Let’s Go! Your husband won way more money in the casino than he said he did.
  8. “Oh look honey, the Golf Pro is giving lessons today!” She’s trying to get rid of you.
  9. “This is not a drill” Unless you are in a dentist chair and your dentist is Homer Simpson, you’re probably going for a swim. In the ocean. Without Rose or the diamond.
  10. “Customs is on board!” Actually this is one that strikes terror into the hearts of Royal Caribbean crew members/drug dealers. You may be short a waiter at dinner tonight.

Flickr photo by RAYANDBEE



Breaking: Cruise line crew members busted yet again

by Chris Owen on

In December it was Royal Caribbean in the news when crew members got caught smuggling drugs in Baltimore. In January, US Customs and Border patrol went back and found more. Earlier this month, a drug dealer was busted on shiny new Allure of the Seas dealing to the World’s Largest Gay Cruise. It seems Royal Caribbean is the cruise line of choice for drug dealers in spite of the line’s “zero tolerance” for drugs on board.

Now we have yet another incident with the Associated Press reporting two crew members busted in Jamaica with nearly 75 pounds of cocaine.

“On February 23, Jamaican authorities detained a crew member and found that he was in possession of 18 kilos of cocaine. Authorities then boarded [Grandeur of the Seas] and found an additional 15 kilos in the cabin of a different crew member.” Royal Caribbean said in a statement to CruiseCritic.com.

But yet John Doe and his lovely wife Sally get the bottle of champagne they wanted to bring on board to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary confiscated upon embarkation. That, the cruise line has under control.

Royal Caribbean spokeswoman Cynthia Martinz also told Cruise Critic in January that drug busts onboard ships are very rare and have occurred “only a handful of times.”

Well, we count four since December. How many is a handful?

Maybe Royal Caribbean should approach drug smuggling by its own crew with the same intensity they do bringing liquids on board by passengers, going so far as to say on their website:

“Please Note: All guests must comply with TSA guidelines for transporting liquids.”

Really? Forget the Tequilla. Mom can’t bring a full bottle of Clairol Herbal Essence shampoo but somehow your crew members bring enough party drugs on board to to fire Manhattan?

Something is not quite right here. No mon, something very bad dis place.

New Jamaica cruise port gets their act together

by Chris Owen on

Long-delayed new cruise port Falmouth, Jamaica welcomed it’s first Royal Caribbean ship this week as Voyager of the Seas became the first ship to visit. It’s a custom-built port designed to handle mega-ships Oasis and Allure of the Seas. Both have been patiently waiting for months as construction has been dragging on. Early reports from the nearly-complete port indicate full speed ahead on construction and a positive, welcoming mood.

“Today was truly priceless! The people of Jamaica made today an experience I’ll never forget. Their early morning anticipation of the ships arrival was quite impressive. Buildings, rooftops, streets and any open spaces were filled with people awaiting Voyager’s arrival. The first passengers to disembark were well organized for tours and met by various performers. They created nice distractions to avoid noticing the construction around them. The ship did a superb job ensuring expectations by passengers were set at a proper level” said cruise expert Stewart Chiron CEO CruiseGuy.com, one of the first visitors to the nearly-complete port.

In full operation were a variety of new shore excursions as well as variations on some Jamaica favorites.

“I went out to Good Hope Estate and watched the tours happen. What a difference since I was last here in September. Passengers thoroughly enjoyed their various experiences. This was evidenced when we returned as Voyager was departing. The crowds of Jamaicans never dissipated and were cheering Voyager’s departure. What was truly emotional for many, was every open space on every deck of Voyager was lined with passengers and crew cheering and thanking the people of Falmouth for a most memorable day. I would think the comment cards from today will be extraordinarily high! This is a port experience unlike any other” added Chiron

Cruise passengers arriving into Falmouth will be able to choose between the shore excursion options in both Ocho Rios and Montego Bay since the new port is equidistant from both of these Jamaican towns. Additionally there will be an array of options for both tour and non tour guests at Falmouth. Royal Caribbean hopes that passengers arriving at Falmouth will feel like they are in the old world of the Caribbean with numerous shopping and authentic dining opportunities right at the port.

“I look forward to returning for Oasis’ arrival. What a spectacle that will be considering what occurred today. The Royal Caribbean staff that worked so hard on the pier were magnificent. What a team to make this dream come true” Chiron concluded.


Cruise line shopping experience to feature more, better information

by Chris Owen on

On any given cruise line, onboard programming includes a variety of activities, dining, shopping and entertainment options. While at sea, that programming is often themed to a particular port of call that will be coming up soon, providing information on the port, shore excursions and shopping options. Now, in a way similar to how they are handling onboard entertainment and dining options, Royal Caribbean International is taking on shopping.

Starting in October, Royal Caribbean will be working with a new partner to handle their port shopping program. Royal Media Group will greatly expand what the line is currently doing, adding to the standard shopping talks and fliers left in guests staterooms.

“We are very excited to once again be working with the team at Royal Caribbean International and to not only increase revenue for the port shopping program, but to be a partner in driving all onboard revenue,” said Philip Levine, president and CEO of Royal Media Partners.The plan is to embed the shopping program much deeper into the cruise experience.

Before the cruise, web and smart phone-based port shopping and concierge information will be available. Much like pre-reserving shore excursion, dining, beverage packages, Bon Voyage gifts and entertainment options is possible right now, guests will have much broader access to port and shopping information.

Television options on board will feature new destination programming in addition to port talks which have traditionally been thinly veiled sales pitches on many cruise lines.

The big question is

“Will this be more annoying shopping information or will it add value to our port experience with more in-depth information on ports of call?”


More, better information that will enable passengers to have a more meaningful experience ashore would surely be welcomed. Yet another way to advertise shopping options? Not so much.

The new program will be on Royal Caribbean ships sailing the Caribbean, Bahamas, Bermuda, New England, Mexico and Alaska starting in October. Oh, catering to the American market just as the holiday shopping season begins.

Score so far on this particular topic: Sell us more stuff 1, Enrich experience 0.

It should be fun to watch how it all plays out.

Flickr photo by waldsee2008 who captioned “this lady talked about shopping in Mexico, but she spend 75% of the time talking about a good price for Diamonds…. like I wanted to buy them.?


Troubled Falmouth, Jamaica cruise port finally welcomes first cruise guests

by Chris Owen on

Royal Caribbean’s Voyager of the Seas became the first cruise ship to visit the new port of Falmouth, Jamaica which unofficially opened today, months behind schedule.

“We are delighted to see Voyager of the Seas make the first-ever ship call at Historic Falmouth,” said Craig Milan, senior vice president of Land Operations, Royal Caribbean Cruises Ltd. “By partnering with the Port Authority of Jamaica, we are working to deliver our shared vision of Falmouth’s rebirth. Together, we are bringing the town’s historic sites to life and integrating the culture and authenticity of this destination into a superior guest experience.”

The port construction is a joint effort between between mega-ship maker Royal Caribbean International and the government of Jamaica. Originally scheduled to open last May, ongoing construction delays pushed opening the troubled port back, rerouting giant sisters Oasis and Allure of the Seas to Costa Maya, Mexico instead. It looks like the port is on track for an official grand opening in March though when Oasis of the Seas will make her first stop at the new facility.

On the ground today in Jamaica, cruise expert Stewart Chiron CEO, CruiseGuy.com tweeted “Crowds massing on rooftops, churches, roadways as town about to enter new Millennium. Feels like Christopher Columbus’ arrival.”Indeed, the historic area of Falmouth, Jamaica dates back to 1790 at a time when Jamaica was the world’s largest sugar producer. One of the major obstacles in the construction of the new port has been building up an infrastructure that dates back to the late 18Th and early 19Th century when it was a central hub of the slave trade.

That was then, this is now.

“Marching band welcoming @RoyalCaribbean #cruise passengers as 1st to visit historic port of Falmouth” chimed Chiron.

Today, guests from Royal Caribbean’s Voyager of the Seas are experiencing a new and diverse variety of shore excursions while at Historic Falmouth, including:

  • Good Hope Great House:located fifteen minutes from Falmouth, guests can choose from the new horse & carriage ride, river-tubing, ATV exploring, among others, on this former 18th century Jamaican plantation
  • Dolphin Cove & Dunn’s River Falls:adventure seekers can climb Dunn’s River Falls; zip-line through the lush rainforest canopy or wind down the mountainside on a Jamaican bobsled at Mystic Mountain; or swim with the dolphins at Dolphin Cove.
  • Appleton Estate: after a scenic drive through the Cockpit Country and Bamboo Avenue, guests can indulge in one of Falmouth’s old-world delicacies by learning to make rum and sampling different aged rums.
  • Rafting on Martha Brae: located five minutes from Falmouth, guests can enjoy a tranquil ride on a 30-foot bamboo raft.

Once complete, the port’s master plan calls for 120,000 square feet of retail shopping and two berths capable of servicing the line’s Oasis-class ships. Located on the islands North side between Montego Bay and Ocho Rios, most tours and excursions currently offered at either port will be available from Falmouth.

Some ships previously scheduled to call at Falmough had been redirected to Ocho Rios or Montego Bay where guests aboard Royal Caribbean ships got a discount on the very popular “JamaicaForADay” packages that sounded like just what they need and maybe what super-slow Falmouth construction workers shouldn’t have had.

The all-you-can-drink, all-you-can-eat, all-you-can-play excursion at Sunset Beach Resort pretty much washed away any post-ship diversion blues and brought on the trademark Jamaican party time with no problem mon.

Photos and video @CruiseGuy