SkyMall Monday: Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa

One of the best aspects of travel is meeting new people. One of the best aspects of meeting knew people is putting your penis inside them. Yes, travel sex is one of the great pleasures of the road. But the art of seduction is not easily mastered and many people struggle with language barriers, culture clashes and hygiene differences. Thankfully, SkyMall knows that everyone could use a little help in the romance department. That’s why they’re always there with sultry apparel, sex toys and inflatables. If you’ve met someone while traveling, had a few drinks and need to seal the deal, you’re going to need to impress her in a way that no one else can. Simply being a visitor from another city, state or country is not enough. You’re not as mysterious and interesting as you think. Odds are you’re actually quite boring and filled with cliché anecdotes about full moon beach parties and frequent flier miles. That’s why you need the ultimate seduction tool. SkyMall Monday is very aroused excited about this week’s product. The next time you find yourself away from home and ready to get to home base, simply set up your Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa.Up until now, hot tubs have been inconveniently immobile. The static nature of these spas meant that you had to be suave enough to lure a woman to your home simply with your charm, wit and willingness to order her as many pomegranate mojito-tinis as possible before her homely gal pal dragged her away. That was expensive and dangerous (alcohol poisoning is no laughing matter unless it involves clowns). Now, you can simply set up your Spa-N-A-Box right there at the bar if need be. You’ll go from Spa-N-A-Box to Dick in a Box in no time.

Thinking that packing a spa will be expensive and burdensome? Don’t believe that you need a Jacuzzi to lure a young lady’s mouth towards your phallus? Virgins like you make me sad. Let’s check out the product description:

Buy Comfort Line Products’ Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa and you can enjoy having a totally portable spa that fits easily into those hard to get to locations – both indoors and out! Relax, now you can treat yourself to a soothing, hydro-therapeutic massage any time, anywhere…The barrier-free seating arrangement allows you freedom of movement.

It fits into hard to get locations…just like your penis! And that freedom of movement is going to come in handy when you also invite your new lady friend’s homely gal pal to join you for a soak. The more the merrier, right?

Don’t just take SkyMall’s word for it. For the first time ever, we’re also taking a look at the user reviews. Check out what this satisfied customer had to say:

We live in a trailer, we have a cement slab… set the hot tub up …. completly and totally amazing!!! Wonderful!!!! It feels bigger than it is. We are VERY happy!!!
Gender: Female
Age: 46-50

If that middle-aged lady is getting busy on a cement slab in a trailer park, imagine how easy it will be for you to get some action in a place where everyone has their teeth.

You can waste your time with conversation, personality and respect or you can cut to the chase and get wet. Choose the latter. Choose the Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa. Choose chlorine.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Top 5 hotels for having an affair

Looking for a place to take your mistress for the weekend? Trying to plan a secret rendezvous with your lover? If so, check out ABC News’ list of the top 5 hotels for having an affair.

The draw of these hotels, according to the article, is “thick walls, a discreet staff, a bit of romance”. Noel Biderman, the creator of a website that matches would-be cheaters with potential dates (The tag line is “Life is Short. Have an Affair”. Classy, huh?) says ideal hotels for trysts also allow guests to check in under a pseudonym and offer good room service.

Biderman recommends the Beverly Hills Peninsula Hotel, for its private residences outside of the hotel, and suggests looking for hotels that are new or off the beaten path. There is less chance you’ll run into someone you know at one of these places. Also recommended is the Amenjena Hotel in Marrakech. It comes at a price, but Biderman says an affair is the time to splurge (Why not, you may as well spend your money now so your spouse can’t take it all when he or she divorces you, right?).

Another high-style option is the Il Palazzetto Hotel in Rome. With it’s simple but luxurious decor, it gives guests the feeling of being in their own residence (Of course, because you want to think about your own marriage bed when committing adultery.) &Beyond Mnemba Island, a private island retreat near Zanzibar, makes the list, as does the 1870 Banana Courtyard in New Orleans. The hotel is in the fantastically romantic French Quarter, and its history as a bordello adds to its allure.

Of course, the article also wisely points out, you could just stay at any of these hotels with your significant other. The privacy and luxury they offer may make you feel like you are doing something naughty, spicing up your stay (and maybe your relationship) in a way that won’t land you in divorce court.