SkyMall Monday: Underwater Pogo Stick

by Mike Barish on

Spring is in the air and thoughts of warm weather, outdoor activities and water sports (not that kind of water sports, sicko) are starting to dance through our heads here at SkyMall Monday headquarters. Nothing beats frolicking in the ocean, lounging in a jacuzzi or enjoying fun and games in a pool. I’ve always been a fan of playing volleyball, basketball and freeze tag in the pool. Taking games played outside of the pool and dipping them in the water just makes everything more fun (See Floating Blackjack). If I could, I’d play UNO, Twister and Spin the Bottle in the pool. But some games just weren’t made to be played underwater. Knowing the difference between dry games and moist games is the key to avoiding painful friction between you and your partner. Games involving bouncing and bumping require moisture. And that’s why one classic game is screaming for us to just add water. Leave it to SkyMall to know when the time is right to get wet and wild by giving us the Underwater Pogo Stick.The problem with pogo sticking has always been the potential castration fear of falling. I’m all for hipping and hopping, but I’m less thrilled by the prospect of tripping and flopping. By bringing the pogo stick into the pool, the threat of broken bones and concussions has been replaced by the chance of drowning. And drowning is a much cooler way to die. If you’re going to die on a pogo stick, you best do so in a way that gets you featured on the front page of the newspaper and not on page F26. No one cares about F26.

I know what you’re thinking. “But, Mike, a pogo stick in the pool? That’s preposterous! Why not a Pogo Ball or a Sit ‘n Spin?” Well, first of all, Pogo Balls are too small for our adult asses. I’m not sure if you’ve looked in the mirror lately, but you’re not a kid anymore. Second of all, Sit ‘n Spin has always been an inappropriate name for a toy. Why not just name it Flippin’ Ya Off? But, since you insist on having the idea of pogo sticking in the water explained, I’ll indulge you. Let’s read the product description together, shall we?

This is the only pogo stick designed for use in swimming pools that allows you to perform a variety of waterborne stunts as you bounce off walls or bottoms. A rigid ball filled with water fits into the non-slip footrest, providing responsive push-off when compressed against a pool’s floor with your body weight, and enables you to splash effortlessly in shallower water and bound powerfully through deeper water.

Before anything can get wet, you must always start with a rigid ball (or two). When things get deeper, you need to be able to bound powerfully.

Everything is better when it’s wetter, so it’s about time we started moistening up our lives. Get bouncing, get jumping and, most importantly, get lubricated. Get the Underwater Pogo Stick.


Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Garden Yeti ACTUAL REVIEW

by Mike Barish on

There are a few products that have become synonymous with the absurdity of the SkyMall catalog (not that I find any of it absurd – only naïve malcontents believe that). In that pantheon, you’ll find the SkyRest Travel Pillow, the Wine Glass Holder Necklace and the Garden Yeti, to name a few. Having reviewed the first two examples, I can say firsthand that these products deserve our respect and their inventors merit admiration. But, it always irked me that I had yet to review the Garden Yeti. As if it was a mythical figure, I had experienced Garden Yeti sightings when perusing the catalog, but never experienced seeing one in the wild (until, that is, one Slanket-fueled evening). Finally, however, I got my hands on a Garden Yeti of my own. I even shared the good news in a very special birth announcement and featured him in our SkyMall Monday review of the Sling Couture Arm Sling. Now, after having spent some time with the Garden Yeti, I’m prepared to deliver this official SkyMall Monday review. What’s it like introducing a Garden Yeti into your life? It’s way more fun than you might think.

%Gallery-90986%The Garden Yeti may be called a statue, but it’s more interactive than your run of the mill lawn ornament. While most Garden Yeti parents (you do not own a Garden Yeti – you raise it) simply leave their Garden Yeti in the, well, um, garden, that is not the proper way to care for these creatures. You see, the Garden Yeti sold in the SkyMall catalog is not, in fact, a miniature Garden Yeti. No, my friends, this two-and-a-half-feet tall gentle beast is actually an infant Garden Yeti. Having spent time with this missing link, I would venture to guess that he is no more than three-years-old.

Once I discovered that the Garden Yeti was just a child, I quickly learned how to connect with him. Now, we watch Yo Gabba Gabba!, eat lots of hot dogs and enjoy trips to the park. And, it was at the park that I was able to truly experience Garden Yeti parenthood it all its righteous splendor.

My Garden Yeti, Calvin, simply adores the park. He sits on the big boy swing and holds on tightly while I push him. “Higher, higher,” he yells. Well, that’s according to the young girl who watched us playing on the swings. Her friend insisted that wooden Garden Yetis can’t talk and that the first girl was simply “making that up.” It’s sad when you meet a three-year-old who’s dead inside. She made Calvin cry.

Garden Yetis love slides (exclusive Gadling fact). They also enjoy the fireman’s pole (though Calvin likes when I hold him so that he doesn’t fall). On the playground, Garden Yetis let loose, build self-confidence and make new friends.

Young Garden Yetis never get bored of playing catch. They almost always catch the ball perfectly in stride. They keep their eyes on the ball and never drop a pass. While my Garden Yeti is nearly 20 years away from pursuing a career in the NFL, I have already retained a team of attorneys to look into the league’s collective bargaining agreement to ensure that Garden Yetis are eligible to be drafted. While Garden Yetis are known for their big feet, it’s their soft hands that make them truly extraordinary.

Garden Yetis are also great with dogs. As the missing link, Garden Yetis are attuned to the feelings of both humans and animals. Calvin gets along swimmingly with my dog, Heath. They enjoy long walks together. And, as Calvin gets more mature, he has even begun to walk Heath on his own. Indeed, Garden Yetis are perfect additions to any family.

So, does the Garden Yeti deserve its place SkyMall lore? Without a doubt, yes. Garden Yetis make houses homes. They make families complete. And they make trips to the park the best memories of your life. Please, find it in your heart to adopt a garden Yeti. Twelve pounds of love are only a few clicks away.

Photos by Jordana Lapidus.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: SkyMall Mobile

by Mike Barish on

For years, we’ve all enjoyed flipping through the SkyMall catalog on domestic flights. If you’re like us, you’ve always been frustrated that you had to wait until you landed to order your products. Sure, you could call in your order using the in-flight phone, but those calls are expensive and using the seatback phone pretty much lets everyone on the plane know that you’re a USDA certified douchebag. Now, however, more and more flights are equipped with wireless internet access. And that means that you can chat online, check emails and, yes, make your SkyMall dreams come true at 35,000 feet. Always on the forefront of innovation, SkyMall has made things even easier by introducing mobile apps for smartphones. Whether you’re a mile high, walking down the street or fingering a perp down at the precinct, you can browse the catalog, select your dream product and place your order all from your mobile device. It’s as if the best part of flying has packed its bag and moved into your pocket (which would explain that giant bulge you’re walking around with, champ).

Here at SkyMall Monday Headquarters, we still believe that the SkyMall catalog is best enjoyed in paper form on an airplane. But absent that, we welcome all technological advances that make getting these life-changing products into our hands quicker and easier than before. Which is why, this week, we’re taking a break from reviewing products to, instead, review the new SkyMall iPhone application.First things first, the SkyMall iPhone app is free. That makes it a real bargain.

More importantly, the app puts the entire SkyMall catalog on your phone. It automatically updates so that you are always perusing the current array of SkyMall booty. You can browse by department, by gift suggestions (sorted by intended recipient and price tiers) or simply search for a product by name. Once you identify a product of interest, you can read the product description, add it to your cart or email it to a friend to get a second opinion. After that, you can purchase your product directly from within the app.

The app allows you to complete your order just as you would online. You can even store your shipping address and credit card information for easy ordering. Within seconds, you’ll have found and ordered the SkyMall product of your dreams.

But the SkyMall iPhone app is more than just a handheld catalog. The app gives you instant access to SkyMall contact information, SkyMall’s Twitter feed and even a game of Concentration featuring popular SkyMall products. Killing time on flights just got SkyMallier!

As lovers of the SkyMall catalog, we love anything that brings us closer to becoming one with the catalog. But even someone without our strong pro-SkyMall bias would have to agree that this app is actually one of the better uses of mobile technology to date. It gives you true, 100% access to the catalog, excellent search capabilities and an ease of use that may be unparalleled in the mobile commerce market. Plus, you can’t beat the price.

SkyMall’s mobile app is available for iPhone and Blackberry. For those of you without either of those phones, you can still order on the go by navigating to SkyMall’s mobile page or by taking advantage of their new text-to-order interface. You can find out more about SkyMall’s mobile options here.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: FaceTrainer

by Mike Barish on

Growing older means adjusting to change. Change in your interests, change in your appearance and change in your ability to digest dairy without eye-burning flatulence. While people may enjoy the first and torture their spouses with the third, it’s the second that causes people much consternation. People try to hide the affects of aging using everything from creams to salves to balms to ointments to lotions. But what everyone forgets is that only one thing can truly help you turn back the clock. No, I’m not talking about eating babies to absorb their youthful souls. That only helps with spider veins. In order to make your face look like it did when you were a teenager (minus the embarrassing acne and nose that was too big for your head), you need to turn to SkyMall. This week, SkyMall Monday is here to give us all that youthful appearance that we all long to recapture. Forget about all of those placenta treatments and bird poop facials. It’s time that you restored your face to its former glory by shoving it into the Face Trainer.FaceTrainer is made by the good people at no!no! Why would you name your company no!no!? Probably because you sell rape whistles. But no!no! sells skin care products. So, you know, we’re not going to focus on the name. We prefer to focus on results. And what’s better than facial muscle resistance training in an unobtrusive mask?

Would you rather grow old gracefully or pump your face full of botulism? You’re simply going to be a liver-spotted old hag with an inability to emote. But you don’t have to take my word for it. You never do so why start now? Take a look at the product description and your face will begin to tighten up immediately:

Get a natural looking lift and look years younger with FaceTrainer, the only fitness device that applies the proven principals of resistance training to facial muscles. With just 10 minutes a day in the privacy of your own home, you can tighten sagging skin and ease the signs of aging. Clear, easy to follow illustrated and video instructions take you step-by-step through the exercises for the ultimate workout.

By now, you’re surely itching to watch these aforementioned instructional videos. Well, I’m sure you have work to do right now, but if you really want to watch people do facial exercises while inside a bondage costume, then don’t let me stop you. Just click here and keep some tissues and lotion close by.

You can continue to trip over your jowls or you can strap on the FaceTrainer and experience a “71% reduction in sagging.” The remaining 29% of sagging will just allow you to keep food crumbs stashed in the folds of your skin for when you get hungry in the middle of a movie.

Don’t just sit around growing old and waiting to die. Run away from death’s cold, icy grip by continuing to look young and virile. Strap on the FaceTrainer and unleash your inner child.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Wine Glass Holder Necklace ACTUAL REVIEW

by Mike Barish on

When we last profiled the Wine Glass Holder Necklace, it was way back in May 25, 2009. Times were simpler then. Our movies were in 2D and Michael Jackson was alive but mostly ignored by people who would later profess to be obsessed with him. I miss those halcyon days of yore. That’s why I purchased the Wine Glass Holder Necklaces from SkyMall. Produced by the fine people at Wine Enthusiast, the Wine Glass Holder Necklace allow you to carry your glass of wine whilst eating, shaking hands and engaging in general party attendance. Just like in the old days. To put the lanyards to the test, I left the SkyMall Monday headquarters and brought them with me to my girlfriend’s cousin’s wedding in Boston. What did we learn? Plenty. Or nothing. It’s hard to say. We drank a lot of wine. Anyway, let’s take a closer look.

%Gallery-89118%I’m not much of a jewelry man. Gold chains and extraneous rings just make men look like gigolos or owners of laundromats. But the Wine Glass Holder Necklace is functional. My girlfriend, Jordana, sauntered around the party with her glass of white wine secured comfortably below her bosom. I shuffled around slightly less confidently with my glass of red wine nestle against my man chest.

Perhaps if I was a model with a perfectly straight gait, I would have been less neurotic about having such a stain-causing liquid so close to my tie. But I was never able to fully relax and just bust a move. As long as that red wine was hanging from my neck like Andy Rooney’s jowls, I was never able to drop it like it was anything more than tepid.

This paranoia led me to never fill my wine glass more than halfway. Which meant more trips to the bar. Which meant more judgmental looks from my girlfriend’s parents. However, both Jordana and I were able to stuff our faces at the buffet without fear of dropping our forks, brie or forkfuls of brie. In that respect, the Wine Glass Necklace served with honor. With our hands free, our mouths were full. We were able to shake hands with the wedding party while maintaining a death grip on our plates. And, perhaps most importantly, we could high five when the desserts were brought out.

Was it difficult to dance with wine glasses around our necks? Yes. Would I recommend the Wine Glass Holder Necklace for any event that features a limbo competition? Heck no. Can you remove red wine stains from silk? I sure hope so.

At the end of the day, it takes a lot of confidence to wear your wine glass around your neck. You have to trust that you won’t spill on yourself. You have to trust that strangers won’t think you’re insane. And you have to trust that your girlfriend’s parents respect you for reviewing SkyMall products. But if you have that trust, then you’ll have two free hands and a glass of wine. And that, my friends, used to mean something. Back in the good old days.

I give the Wine Glass Holder Necklace two thumbs up. Because I can. Because both of my hands are free. [Author’s note: I stole that line from my girlfriend but I gave her a Wine Glass Holder Necklace so I consider us even.]

Check out our gallery of Wine Glass Holder Necklace pictures above or by clicking here.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.