SkyMall Monday on the Urly Show

by Mike Barish on

If you enjoy reading SkyMall Monday every week, then do I have a treat for you! This week, you can lazily watch a video instead of reading! Put your work aside and check me out as a guest on the Urly Show. What’s the Urly Show? It’s the podcast of our dear friends over at Urlesque. We spent 36 glorious minutes talking about our favorite SkyMall products. I even brought in a few of my favorites to show off. Just click the image above to start the video!

Not ready to watch it now? Download the audio and video versions of the Urly Show talking SkyMall and enjoy it at your leisure! And if you get a kick out of internet memes, hysterical viral videos and cats, be sure to check out Urlesque tout de suit!

I do have to make one correction about something I said on the show. The Garden Yeti costs $98.95.

SkyMall Monday: Trekdesk Treadmill Desk

by Mike Barish on

Things can get pretty hectic at the SkyMall Monday headquarters. Between testing SkyMall products, planning trips and spying on people using a tissue box, we never really have time to take care of ourselves. With summer bikini season right around the corner, we know that we need to start shedding the pounds and getting into shape for the beach, pool and large puddles. Finding time to exercise is a challenge, however. Like most people, we’re busy, love junk food and hate sweating. But something has to give. Compromises must be made. Time needs to be used efficiently and comically to ensure that we make you laugh and also fit into our favorite banana hammocks. How do we balance our busy work days with our need for fitness? We multitask. SkyMall knows that anyone who is only doing one thing at a time is wasting that time. That’s why they’ve combined the fun of working with the joy of exercise. The Trekdesk Treadmill Desk is two great tastes that taste great together!Combining work and exercise is not a new concept for SkyMall. We’ve been topless at our desks rocking the Springflex UB for over a year now (and we’re ripped…but our TPS reports are sweaty). But it’s time to start thinking about cardio. In order to improve our stamina and make us 78% more winded while on conferences calls, we need to run while we crunch numbers. In business, it’s all about ABC: Always Be Cardiovascularlyworkingout.

Don’t believe that you can focus on your job while also sprinting on a treadmill? Well, while you stare at you Successories poster and wait to get laid off, we’ll be hitting our stride in more ways than one. Don’t take my word for it. Check out the product description while I catch my breath:

No time for exercise? Improve your health while walking and continue to make conference calls and update spreadsheets. Lose weight, reduce stress, strengthen back/leg muscles, stay healthy, alert and energized. Includes 4-level file/phone tray, manuscript stand and two cup/utility holders.

Are there possibly two better activities to pair together than walking and updating spreadsheets? They go together like peanut butter and thumbtacks! Plus, with two cup holders, you can stay hydrated with your favorite energy drink and off-brand bourbon.

Look, you can sit at your desk all day, balloon in weight and die faxing someone else’s expense report or you can get off your ass, break a sweat and fax that expense report at the same time. Sure, dialing may be difficult while you’re running and typing will be next to impossible. But you’ll look great when you have all that free time at the beach after you’ve been fired for getting a charley horse during the big merger presentation.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.


SkyMall Monday: Edge Baking Pan vs. Giant Cupcake Pan

by Mike Barish on

Here at SkyMall Monday, we love to eat. We’ll eat hot dogs, pizza or any other foods that SkyMall wants to shove down our gullets. But after those healthy meals, we like to indulge in the sweet stuff. From cakes to crepes, brownies to blondies and ice cream to crème caramel, we just want dessert. However, when it comes to SkyMall, two devices have long battled for sugary supremacy. Now, however, we will settle that dessert debate once and for all. This week, SkyMall Monday pits the Edge Baking Pan against the Giant Cupcake Pan. It’s the Battle of the Desserts and your votes in our poll will settle once and for all which device is SkyMall’s greatest contribution to the confectionery universe.Our first competitor weighs in at $39.95. The Edge Baking Pan is for the brownie lovers who enjoy the firm, crisp edges of a well-baked brownie. What you lose in gooey middles you gain in chewy, overcooked edges. Brownies not your thing? The product description shows you how versatile the Edge Baking Pan truly is:

You’ll also love the results with quick breads, cobblers and lasagna because they bake evenly, no burnt edges or gooey centers.

Zig-zagging lasagna that’s crispy and not gooey? Sign me up. I mean, who wants moist lasagna? Dried out pasta and burnt cheese are how they make it back in the old country. Or at least that’s what Sophia told me.

Or next competitor is looking lean and mean at $29.95. The Giant Cupcake Pan takes all the fun of a cupcake – the fact that it’s a small, personal cake that you enjoy by yourself – and blows it up to a big, communal cake that you share with others. It’s everything you want in a cupcake when you don’t want a cupcake but want a cake instead but also want a cupcake. Confused? Read the product description, moron:

This whimsical cake will be the hit of the party!

The USDA recommends that you get 300 grams of whimsy everyday. The Giant Cupcake Pan provides you with that recommended daily allowance. It may also make you diabetic.

So, what say you, lovers of SkyMall? Vote for your favorite SkyMall dessert device below. I may just have to test the winner to see if victory does, in fact, taste sweet.

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Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa

by Mike Barish on

One of the best aspects of travel is meeting new people. One of the best aspects of meeting knew people is putting your penis inside them. Yes, travel sex is one of the great pleasures of the road. But the art of seduction is not easily mastered and many people struggle with language barriers, culture clashes and hygiene differences. Thankfully, SkyMall knows that everyone could use a little help in the romance department. That’s why they’re always there with sultry apparel, sex toys and inflatables. If you’ve met someone while traveling, had a few drinks and need to seal the deal, you’re going to need to impress her in a way that no one else can. Simply being a visitor from another city, state or country is not enough. You’re not as mysterious and interesting as you think. Odds are you’re actually quite boring and filled with cliché anecdotes about full moon beach parties and frequent flier miles. That’s why you need the ultimate seduction tool. SkyMall Monday is very aroused excited about this week’s product. The next time you find yourself away from home and ready to get to home base, simply set up your Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa.Up until now, hot tubs have been inconveniently immobile. The static nature of these spas meant that you had to be suave enough to lure a woman to your home simply with your charm, wit and willingness to order her as many pomegranate mojito-tinis as possible before her homely gal pal dragged her away. That was expensive and dangerous (alcohol poisoning is no laughing matter unless it involves clowns). Now, you can simply set up your Spa-N-A-Box right there at the bar if need be. You’ll go from Spa-N-A-Box to Dick in a Box in no time.

Thinking that packing a spa will be expensive and burdensome? Don’t believe that you need a Jacuzzi to lure a young lady’s mouth towards your phallus? Virgins like you make me sad. Let’s check out the product description:

Buy Comfort Line Products’ Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa and you can enjoy having a totally portable spa that fits easily into those hard to get to locations – both indoors and out! Relax, now you can treat yourself to a soothing, hydro-therapeutic massage any time, anywhere…The barrier-free seating arrangement allows you freedom of movement.

It fits into hard to get locations…just like your penis! And that freedom of movement is going to come in handy when you also invite your new lady friend’s homely gal pal to join you for a soak. The more the merrier, right?

Don’t just take SkyMall’s word for it. For the first time ever, we’re also taking a look at the user reviews. Check out what this satisfied customer had to say:

“We live in a trailer, we have a cement slab… set the hot tub up …. completly and totally amazing!!! Wonderful!!!! It feels bigger than it is. We are VERY happy!!!“
Gender: Female
Age: 46-50

If that middle-aged lady is getting busy on a cement slab in a trailer park, imagine how easy it will be for you to get some action in a place where everyone has their teeth.

You can waste your time with conversation, personality and respect or you can cut to the chase and get wet. Choose the latter. Choose the Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa. Choose chlorine.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.


SkyMall Monday: Cane Sword

by Mike Barish on

The reason we love SkyMall as much as we do is because they keep it simple. Whether it’s the Garden Yeti, Cat Toilet Training System or Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder, the products sold in SkyMall never try to out-think anyone. They simply address problems that we never knew we had until SkyMall solved them. If there’s one thing I hate when it comes to gadgets, it’s when they are made complicated purely to show off bells and whistles. Who needs extraneous buttons, lights, levers, switches, wheels, cords and doodads? At the end of the day, I need a product to do what it is designed to do. So, when it comes to both supporting my body weight and defending myself against charlatans and men of ill-repute, I need a device that will do those two things and do them well. I can’t be burdened with two separate tools that will weigh me down, occupy both of my hands and slow my reaction times. That’s why I was thrilled to see that SkyMall was prepared for me to be limping and under attack. This week, SkyMall Monday wields an accessory that is functional, handsome and deadly. We’re brandishing the Cane Sword.What’s a Cane Sword? It’s a cane with a sword inside. Wasn’t that obvious? If it was a Sword Cane, it would be a sword with a cane inside. But what the hell purpose would that serve? SkyMall isn’t in the business of making baffling, useless products. That’s why the Sword Cane doesn’t exist. But Cane Sword? Yeah, that’s just the kind of logical, practical and soon-to-be ubiquitous product that every American with mobility issues and an arch-nemesis will soon own.

Think that canes should just be canes and that swords have no place in public? I bet you think that umbrellas don’t need flashlights and collar stays don’t need hidden messages. Are you carrying around a cane, sword, umbrella, flashlight, collar stays and a note pad everywhere you go? You must have a huge bag, an assistant or be Vishnu. Since you don’t believe in simplicity, let the official SkyMall product description break it down for you:

39 inches in length. Die cast handle. Stainless steel blade.

Need that broken down any further? It’s more than three-feet-long, has a solid handle and a blade that does the job when the shit hits the…well…blade. It doesn’t taken a rocket scientist to figure out what we’re talking about here. It’s a Cane Sword. And that’s what we want it to be.

Forget about wheelchairs with cannons and walkers with lasers. They’re impractical, expensive and fictional. The Cane Sword exists, does what it’s meant to do and does it well. It’s simple, really.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.