Ten dumb things you’re likely to do if you drink and travel

by Annie Scott on


We’ve all heard it a million times: don’t drink too much when you’re traveling. It’s dangerous. However, that “danger” is so amorphous and non-specific, it’s hard to determine what the warnings really mean. Here are ten dumb things you’re likely to do if you drink and travel. You can take this as a warning, or, if you happen to be drunk and traveling right now … as a checklist.

Don’t ask me how I know these things.

1. Not remember anything.

Whoops. Isn’t the whole point of traveling to experience things and make memories? If you had an amazing travel experience but you were so drunk you can’t remember it very well, it practically didn’t happen. When someone asks if you had a good time on your trip to Cabo and you say “I think so …” … you have failed.

2. Drunk dial or text — for quite a hefty roaming price.

Telephone calls can be a dollar, two dollars or more per minute from foreign locations. Text messages: also spendy. Drunk dialing is all fun and games when it’s included in your plan, but that twenty minute message you leave before falling asleep on the phone while traveling in Bora Bora can cost darn near as much as your flight. Be careful.3. Get on the wrong train/boat/bus.

I get on the wrong train sober all the time. Transportation stations are confusing! There are often signs for several destinations on the same platform, and when you’re out of your element, you don’t necessarily know where to look for information or which train is the right one. When you’re drunk, you’re also more likely to just “take an educated guess,” which can take you ten or more miles in the wrong direction. If you’re trying to get to the airport, this mistake could make you …

4. Miss your flight.

Not only do the flight attendants not have to let you board if you’re under the influence, but there are a hundred things that could go wrong between the bar and the airport that would result in you missing your flight. Even drinking heavily at the airport is dangerous to your itinerary. Airports can be very complex buildings with poor signage. Don’t let rebooking fees happen to you.

5. Lose your wallet and/or passport.

Whether it’s because you got sloppy and let yourself get robbed (those robbers are looking for drunk tourists, you know) or you simply left your purse/wallet on the back of a toilet; losing your money and/or documents in a foreign country — or even in some dive bar in Austin — totally sucks. You almost never hear stories of “I lost my wallet in London” without alcohol being involved. There’s a reason for this. There’s also the danger of deciding to put your passport in a “really safe hiding place” late at night and then never finding it again. It’s a problem.

6. Send overly-emotional emails.

Travel can bring up a lot of big feelings about yourself or the people in your life. Drinking and emailing, as well as drinking and blogging, are hilarious discouraged.

7. Pay too much.

It can happen even in your own town. You open up your wallet after a night out and — oh hey! — where did all your money go? This can be even more likely to happen in a foreign country for a number of reasons. The currency can be confusing or just plain not feel like real money to you, encouraging you to spend willy-nilly. Also, the thrill of being somewhere new can tempt you to buy drinks for entire groups of people you won’t ever see again (which is fine if you can afford it and not fine if you can’t) or do something ridiculous like get a tattoo in the middle of the night — and pay a lot of money for it.

8. Get a tattoo or other permanent bodily adornment.

There is nothing quite like having no idea why you have a an ugly unicorn with the name “Sean” under it tattooed on your right hip.

9. Get lost.

Getting lost is a natural part of travel, but if you’ve been drinking, it can be especially dangerous. Chances are, if you don’t know where you are, no one else does either, which means if you go missing, you’re more likely to never be found again. You can also walk into a rough part of town without realizing it — the impaired judgment won’t help you in any way. You might just be interested in the things you’re looking at and not even realize you’ve gotten yourself totally lost and that the only way home, if you can find one, is a pricey taxi. Try to stick to places you’ve already been sober.

10. Fall asleep somewhere inappropriate (above).

Jet lag + alcohol = sleep. It’s science.

[Photo by crossfirecw via Flickr.]

Top 10 Maui beaches

by Jason Heflin on

The Hawaiian islands are known far and wide for the quality of their beaches. From narrow strips of volcanic black sand with dramatic jungle backdrops, to crowded beaches full of the who’s who of the world, Hawaii has a beach for everyone. Maui has just as much diversity as the entire island chain with over 30 miles of beaches. The most easily accessible beaches are located on the west and south or leeward sides of the island. Conversely, the north sees quite a bit of wind and waves while the eastern or windward side harbors more remote beaches in the inlets and bays.

With so many options of beaches to choose it’s hard to pick just ten, but we’ll pick our …

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Ten things to do when it rains on your vacation

by Annie Scott on

Barbra Streisand gets it. Rain is the enemy.

I mean, yes, rain is important to our environment and makes all the beautiful things you see on a vacation possible, but when you only have a few days in paradise, rain can really spoil things. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where your dream day of biking or skydiving is canceled due to a torrential downpour, you get it. If you’ve ever come back from a week on an island without a tan … it’s just so sad, isn’t it?

Hurricane season in the Caribbean is upon us (June to November), and while that’s not likely to mean actual hurricanes, it does usually mean you’ll get some rain on your budget tropical excursions. Here are ten ideas to make your rained-in vacation days a little less disappointing. The important thing is to have fun and enjoy yourself anyway.

Ten things to do when it rains on your vacation:

1. Write postcards.

This is an excellent activity for the type-A among us. Writing postcards is potentially something you were going to do anyway, so doing it while it’s raining is actually a very clever use of time. Just try not to be too sad when you look at the front of the postcard and see that sun shining like a jerk.

2. Museums.

So, maybe you weren’t really planning to go a museum, but rain is a good excuse to go get yourself cultured up. If you were planning to visit a museum, this should be a no-brainer. Rain means “do your indoor activities today.” It’s like a message from the universe. A soggy, awful message, but a message nonetheless.

3. Library or lobby bar.

Many hotels and resorts have a library or lobby bar where guests instinctually gather when it rains. Strike up a conversation, make some new friends, have a margarita at 10 AM. Why not? It’s raining. All bets are off.

4. Sleep.

10 AM margaritas frequently lead to naps, and that’s okay. In fact, if you open your eyes in the morning and see rain from your hotel bed, why not sleep an extra hour or so — maybe it will be over when you get up. After all, vacation is about relaxing and rejuvenating, and catching up on all that sleep you missed this year is imperative. Imperative!

5. Games.

On a rainy day, get down to the gift shop early before they run out of decks of cards. Your hotel’s front desk may also have board games you can borrow, and if your hotel has a casino, there are a bunch of games to play there, too (albeit expensive ones). Don’t even try the game room; it will be overrun. Make up your own goofy games if you’re feeling especially restless. Sad photo ops in the rain can be a hilarious pastime.

6. Eat.

Rainy days are a perfect opportunity to dig into the local cuisine. Head into town in a rental car and try out some authentic eating establishments and grocery stores. You may be surprised at the strange food you find — and you might make one of your most lasting memories of the whole trip.

7. In-room movies.

If you’re someone who likes to get things done, why not knock a few titles off your Netflix list by curling up with the in-room movie selections? Rain can be a good excuse to watch movies you’d be embarrassed to go to or have in your home.

8. Theater.

Live theater? Quoi? Yes. Ask your hotel if there is any live theater in the vicinity and go check out a play, a concert or whatever’s playing. This can be an unexpected blessing; you may see an unforgettable performance or learn more about the local culture than you would have otherwise.

9. Spa.

See if any appointments are available at the spa. If there isn’t a spa on the property, the hotel can probably recommend a good one nearby. This may be the only option more relaxing and restorative than sleep.

10. Go out and enjoy the rain.

Can’t stay inside anymore? Then bundle yourself up (if it’s chilly) or put on your swimming suit (if it’s hot) and go play in the rain like a kid. Splash in the puddles, get messy and have fun. Don’t get in the pool if there’s lightning, and certainly don’t go out if the conditions are dangerous (like if there’s an actual hurricane going on), but playing in the rain can relieve the very angst the badly-timed stormy weather gives you.

SkyMall Monday: Top 10 pieces of spy gear

by Mike Barish on

The world is a scary place. Heck, even the Cold War is heating up (er, cooling off?) again with Russian spies being kicked out of the US. It’s becoming harder and harder to trust anyone, even your family. Here in the SkyMall Monday headquarters, I trust Calvin the Garden Yeti and no one else. In these crazy times, it’s best to find out all the information you can on those around you, lest they try to steal your possessions, kidnap your children or take over your life like that crazy lady from Single White Female. Covert ops are not just for TV and the movies. You need to take matters into your own hands and do constant reconnaissance to be sure that you stay one step ahead of your wife, boyfriend, babysitter, coworker or daughter. Thankfully, SkyMall knows that your paranoia is justified and that a tinfoil hat is not enough to keep you safe from the people who want to steal your thoughts. They have 89(!!!) different items listed in their “Under Cover” spy and surveillance section. If that doesn’t validate your decision to spy on your loved ones, then just do it because it’s fun! This week, we take a look at the top 10 pieces of spy gear in SkyMall.Teddy Bear Hidden Camera – Pictured above, this innocent looking teddy bear houses a heat activated camera which will record your baby’s entire sweaty nap thanks to that handsome and thick wool cap. It also works on grown women who creepily dress like little girls.

Tie Spy Camera – What better way to spy on your coworkers than by placing a camera discreetly in your office attire? Of course, if you work as a lifeguard, you’ll want to make sure that the tie matches your swimsuit.

Cell Phone Spy Text Reader – This device lets you read deleted text messages and review deleted numbers from any cell phone that uses a SIM card. There’s no way your girlfriend can hide her affair – or her obsession with the Justin Bieber fan line – now.

ID Card Hidden Camera – Almost every office requires employees to keep an ID badge with them at all times. So what better way to hide your spy camera then behind that unflattering photo of that kind of makes you look like a pedophile? And, since everyone from your office park eats at the same Applebee’s, you can also use it to see who’s been spitting in your Wonton Tacos.

Tissue Box Internet Camera – The camera in this tissue box streams video directly to the web for you to watch in real time. If you see someone bring a bottle of moisturizer over to the tissues, it may be time to navigate to another website.

Panning Faux Security Camera – You’re not the only person who’s paranoid. Play on your friends’ fears by just making them think that they’re being watched. Now maybe they’ll stop leaving those bags of poop on your front porch.

Electric Outlet Hidden Camera – Since it’s motion-activated, you’ll get great footage of your unattended toddler approaching the outlet immediately before sticking a fork in it.

Wireless Color Mirror Camera – As the product description so poetically puts is, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, catch that burglar once and for all.” Assuming, of course, that the burglar stops in the bathroom to put on some of your makeup. Speaking of which, you look like a clown whore when you wear all that blush.

Cell Phone Voice Changer – I’ll defer to the product description on this one: “No one will recognize your voice with The Cell Phone Voice Changer. Easily change your voice from man to woman, woman to man, a child’s voice, or even a robot–and it will sound completely real and natural.” Now you can call your ex and use that completely real and natural robot voice. She’ll be none the wiser.

Ultra Spy Hearing Ear Muffs – Hear every conversation going on around you while blending into the environment with your massive headphones with two microphones prominently attached to each ear.

Of course, what you do with this equipment is your business. Gadling in no way, shape or form condones you violating any privacy laws or statutes when spying on people. I assume you’ll be using these tools for educational purposes. Though, if I see you in the gym locker room in nothing but a tie, I’m going to punch you in the throat.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Ten things you should NEVER do on a layover

by Annie Scott on


Until you can afford that private jet you’ve had your eye on, layovers are a necessary evil. Everyone copes in different ways with the prison-like feel of the airport between flights, and some people get creative about how to pass the time. Letter writing is good, working is good (sometimes, see #9) and of course, shopping is the closest to normal life layovers can get. Beware your own mind, though; your state of incarceration can lead you astray and make you forget the basics of not leaving your luggage unattended or any of the ten no-nos below.

Ten things you should NEVER do on a layover:

1. Drugs.

So you’ve got a few hours in Amsterdam. You can’t buy drugs and then get on the plane with them, so if you want to partake in the freedoms of the city, you’ll have to just go out, buy whatever you can, take it, and go back to the airport. This is about as good an idea as beating your face with a hammer on your 15 minute break during the SATs. Not only do airlines not have to board you if you are under the influence, but drugs are dangerous — even if you think you know what you’re doing, you might not know what you’re doing in Amsterdam, and you could have all kinds of bad reactions, including confusion — which would pretty much ensure you’d miss your connection.

2. Have a drink too many.

Like I said, they don’t have to board you if you’re under the influence. But furthermore, excessive drinking can lead to the dangerous world of cracking the kind of jokes that get you in trouble with TSA (“It’s not like I have a bomb in there.”), being an obnoxious person to sit next to and naps. Naps are bad.3. Nap.

Whether it’s alcohol, all the Xanax you took, the Ambien someone told you was a good idea or the fact that you’re just plain tired, going to sleep on a layover is a bad, bad idea. Bad! Think of sleep like fire and don’t play with it. There’s a one in three chance that you’ll sleep through an important announcement and/or the boarding of your flight (I just made that up).

4. Eat something you’ll regret.

Do you love ice cream, but know that it makes your insides explode? Don’t eat it. There’s nothing like boarding that next flight and having a gastric emergency during takeoff or meal service. Your seat partner will know you’re the one who stinks, even though it’s loud.

5. Not go to the gate if the flight’s delayed.

Even if your flight is delayed, make a stop at the gate. I once didn’t leave the Delta Sky Club because my computer kept telling me my flight was delayed. Then, suddenly, the online status was updated to “Pulled away from the gate.” I rushed down to the gate in a panic, only to discover that despite its delayed status, my flight boarded on time and was sitting on the tarmac — and no, there was no way I could get on it now. Other people I know have had this happen to them on multiple airlines. Check at the gate.

6. Get currency for the layover.

If you’re going to be in one foreign country for a few hours and then fly to another, don’t get currency. You’ll end up paying that conversion fee twice when you get that money changed for your destination’s currency. What do you really need cash for at the airport? Use a credit card with a low/no foreign transaction fee.

7. Go too crazy at the Duty Free store.

The Duty Free store can be a tempting beast, but be careful. You don’t want to have to lug a bunch of stuff around on your trip, and any liquids you don’t consume will have to be checked on the way back. If shopping on your way to somewhere else, you can have Duty Free hold the items for you to pick up upon your return. Just don’t forget! Furthermore, don’t go too crazy at the Duty Free shop; having over $5,000 in purchases can look sketchy to the customs officials.

8. Buy something that won’t fit in the overhead bin.

Even if that computer or hand-carved statue is available at a great price, you’re going to be sorry when the box doesn’t fit in the overhead bin and they ask you to check it. Get your larger purchases shipped.

9. Take an organized tour.

It’s great to go visit a city on a long layover, but the last thing you want to do is give up control over your time and location. What could go wrong with an hour long tour on a four hour layover? A lot. Go look around on your own, but if you take an organized tour, you’ll be in agony every time one of your co-tourists wants to stop and look in a gift shop or stand in line for a restroom.

10. Conduct business over an unofficial wifi connection or on a public computer.

Technology has created so many ways for us all to get ripped off. People can create an nefarious wifi network for you to use or put a keystroke logger on a public computer to steal every single letter you type — that means passwords, bank numbers and the rest of it. Pay for your wifi connection through a major company if you’re not getting a free one in a lounge or restaurant. If you’re suspicious that your wifi connection isn’t safe, stick to surfing and clicking and stay away from your bank accounts and logging into say, your stock portfolio or your company’s payroll system.