“Holiday weekend” and “traffic” go together like tequila shots and hangovers – if you’re enjoying the former, you’ll likely get of taste of the latter. While I can’t promise hangover-free margaritas, I can offer you a couple of ibuprofen for the next morning – and a few tips to save you a travel headache as well.
Traffic Jams:
When trying to avoid Labor Day traffic, a little planning can make a difference the size of the Pacific Ocean. Obviously the best plan is to leave as early as possible. (Wednesday would be ideal, but Thursday would work, too – why not turn that holiday weekend into a holiday week?) If you can’t leave in the middle of the week, see if you can put some extra hours in at the job later in the month and try to take a half-day on Friday. On Friday, every hour makes a difference. You might not be able to avoid traffic completely, but you could save some time.
A late start on Friday (and we’re talking no earlier than 9 p.m. here) is also a great tactic. You might arrive late, but you’ll avoid that agonizing idling in traffic – and by the time you get there, the party will be in full swing.
Just don’t start taking tequila shots as soon as you arrive in order to catch up with the rest of the group.
Speeding Tickets:
So you’ve found an alternate route, and you’re cruising along the back roads thinking about how soon you’re going to reach your destination. Then a police siren cuts through your revelry like a tequila migraine through your morning.
What do you do?
I did some research on how to get out of a speeding ticket. Most websites I checked out gave advice on what to do in court, rather than at the scene. But your goal should be to not get the ticket in the first place. Many people advised not admitting knowing you broke the law, because if you admit guilt you’ll never be able to fight the ticket in court.
But I disagree. Because here’s the thing: I’ve gotten out of a lot of tickets. And I mean a lot. I’ve gotten a few, too. But my ratio of police incidences to tickets is on my side. And it’s all because I learned early on that if you’re polite, respectful, and up front, cops tend to treat you the same way. If you get belligerent and try to deny that you were speeding, odds are the cop is going to write you that ticket and leave you to try to get it dropped in court.
So, if you’ve been going a bit over the limit and you get caught, don’t treat the cop like he’s an a**hole. Give the guy some respect, and maybe he’ll show you some as well.
Drunk Driving:
You don’t need me to tell you not to drink and drive. It’s wrong, and I don’t condone it. But, if you’ve had a couple drinks before you hit the road and find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, I offer the following advice (lifted from Cameron Tuttle’s The Bad Girl’s Guide to the Open Road):
Only try these if you are absolutely certain that your blood alcohol level will prove that you are drunk. Challenging a law enforcement officer is very serious business.
- Insist on taking a blood test instead of a Breathalyzer test. This will buy you time and may save you from a D.U.I. Some states, however, will automatically charge anyone who refuses a Breathalyzer test with drunk driving. So you had better know the law (and what state you’re in!) if you do this.
- If you’ve been drinking and have an open bottle liquor in the car, you’re already in deep sh**. So what do you really have to lose? Immediately get out of the car carrying the bottle of Jack Daniels or whatever. Keep both hands in the air so the cop can see that you don’t have a gun. Then, standing right in front of the patrol car in the headlights, begin to guzzle the contents of the bottle. Surprise is on your side, but you must act quickly for this to work. If the officer sees you getting drunk before his very eyes, it will be difficult if not impossible for him to prove that you were drunk while operating the car. This is a ballsy move, but it hinges on the law, not logic.
These methods are risky and not guaranteed to get you off, but they may help you avoid getting a D.U.I. Most likely, you’ll be arrested for a lesser offense. Understand that if you try either of these tactics, you are doing so at your own risk.
Drive safe!
