SkyMall Monday: Children’s Gym Equipment

With summer in full effect, everyone is hyper-sensitive about how they look. It’s been one of the hottest summers in decades, which means skimpier clothing and lots of time spent in bathing suits. And that means exposed skin and – sadly – exposed flaws. From beer bellies to muffin tops to hot dogs on the backs of people’s necks, fat rears its ugly head in numerous unflattering ways. I’m not talking about adults who have let themselves go. No, I’m talking about kids who have hit the Dunkaroos just a little too hard. Thankfully, we can start nipping those problems in the bud before they ever have a chance to weigh kids down (see what I did there?). Now there’s a way to keep children fit, ripped and juiced up so that they look their best when sliding down the Crocodile Mile. Who do we have to thank for getting our kids in shape? SkyMall, of course. Who else would realize that kids can’t stay healthy simply by playing freeze tag and Red Rover. They need an intense workout regimen that focuses on their glamor areas. You know, arms, abs and butt. The muscles that keep those girls coming back for more than just nap time. They need the Fun & Fitness children’s gym equipment.Everybody knows that kids who like to party are really into GTL. You know, Gymboree, Toilet Training, Lunchables. That’s what keeps them looking good and attracting the attention of all those hotties at the playground. If you’re gonna look like a gorilla juicehead in your Ed Hardy kids wear, you need to be huge. All the more reason to buy the entire Fun & Fitness line of children’s gym equipment.

Fun & Fitness Air Walker

Finally, a Gazelle for children so that Tony Little can yell at someone who also rocks an adorable blond ponytail. Your kid’s calves and butt will firm up in weeks, allowing them to look great in miniskirts and wedges when they hit the birthday party circuit.

Fun & Fitness Weight Bench

No one wants to be that wimpy kid who can’t even get his straw into a pouch of Capri Sun (Author’s Note: Yes, I know that those pouches were hard for everyone – WTF). Little girls like boys who are ripped. Big biceps mean big pushes on the swings.

Fun & Fitness Treadmill

Sure, your kids could simply do what all kids have done since the dawn of time: run around in circles until they are exhausted and dizzy. But where’s the discipline in that? Your children need to be able to monitor their speed, distance and – seriously – calories burned. If your little girl ate too many slices of pizza before bed after a night of partying with Pixy Stix, she has to sweat it all out the next morning before cruising the boardwalk.

Fun & Fitness Stationary Bike

Teaching your children to ride bikes is worthless. They’re just going to fall and cry and tear holes in their Jeans Diapers. Instead, let them track their distance and – again, seriously – calories burned while listening to the latest beats from Kidz Bop.

You could continue to let your kids play games, run around in the backyard and, you know, be children, but then you’d just be an irresponsible parent with well-adjusted offspring. If you want your kids to look good, be popular and get with all the hottest girls in playgroup, then you need to get them them toned and jacked. Juice box abs get the ladies.

So, rather than raising your kids to be losers focused on nonsense like Ring Around the Rosie and math, make sure that they are spending two hours a day pumping foam (you didn’t think the weights were metal, did you?) and running till they work off those Teddy Grahams. If they’re gonna fist pump like little champs, they’ll need to earn it.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Trekdesk Treadmill Desk

Things can get pretty hectic at the SkyMall Monday headquarters. Between testing SkyMall products, planning trips and spying on people using a tissue box, we never really have time to take care of ourselves. With summer bikini season right around the corner, we know that we need to start shedding the pounds and getting into shape for the beach, pool and large puddles. Finding time to exercise is a challenge, however. Like most people, we’re busy, love junk food and hate sweating. But something has to give. Compromises must be made. Time needs to be used efficiently and comically to ensure that we make you laugh and also fit into our favorite banana hammocks. How do we balance our busy work days with our need for fitness? We multitask. SkyMall knows that anyone who is only doing one thing at a time is wasting that time. That’s why they’ve combined the fun of working with the joy of exercise. The Trekdesk Treadmill Desk is two great tastes that taste great together!Combining work and exercise is not a new concept for SkyMall. We’ve been topless at our desks rocking the Springflex UB for over a year now (and we’re ripped…but our TPS reports are sweaty). But it’s time to start thinking about cardio. In order to improve our stamina and make us 78% more winded while on conferences calls, we need to run while we crunch numbers. In business, it’s all about ABC: Always Be Cardiovascularlyworkingout.

Don’t believe that you can focus on your job while also sprinting on a treadmill? Well, while you stare at you Successories poster and wait to get laid off, we’ll be hitting our stride in more ways than one. Don’t take my word for it. Check out the product description while I catch my breath:

No time for exercise? Improve your health while walking and continue to make conference calls and update spreadsheets. Lose weight, reduce stress, strengthen back/leg muscles, stay healthy, alert and energized. Includes 4-level file/phone tray, manuscript stand and two cup/utility holders.

Are there possibly two better activities to pair together than walking and updating spreadsheets? They go together like peanut butter and thumbtacks! Plus, with two cup holders, you can stay hydrated with your favorite energy drink and off-brand bourbon.

Look, you can sit at your desk all day, balloon in weight and die faxing someone else’s expense report or you can get off your ass, break a sweat and fax that expense report at the same time. Sure, dialing may be difficult while you’re running and typing will be next to impossible. But you’ll look great when you have all that free time at the beach after you’ve been fired for getting a charley horse during the big merger presentation.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.