Ten products to avoid when passing through airport security

by Scott Carmichael on

The Transportation Security Administration spends millions of Dollars each year trying to inform airline passengers what to leave at home, and how to safely pack things.

We should all know by now that liquids come with restrictions, and that swords and other dangerous items will be taken away from you.

Now, these guidelines can be a little vague, so we have compiled ten products that will probably get you in trouble at the airport. Remember, this isn’t an open invitation to taunt the TSA!


The TSA absolutely loves offensive T-Shirts. And by “loves”, I mean hates.

Nothing is more entertaining at the airport checkpoint than a really insulting t-shirt. In fact, they love them so much, that they may have airport cops arrest you, and force you to wear a different shirt.

Yes – the T-Shirt picture above is real, and there is indeed a real site where you can order it. It’s just one of many really offensive shirts being sold at tshirthell.com. $19 will get you your very own very offensive shirt, and a chance at being Tasered at the airport.

Pick the blue wire

Harmless alarm clock, or surefire way to get pushed up against a wall with your legs spread. You feeling lucky enough to try and find out? (On sale at Amazon.co.jp for just under 3000 Yen).

This is actually an alarm clock that requires you to disarm it by plugging the wires in using a sequence shown by lights. It is made for people who have a bit of a hard time waking up in the morning.



Make your own bomb guides

Here is one that doesn’t cost anything more than a couple of pages of printouts.

If your bag is being searched, and the agent comes across a stack of “make your own bomb” guides, do you think you will a) make your flight or b) not make your flight. (Hint, pick B).

Dirty bomb emergency kit

I’m sure you could come up with 20 different reasons why you are carrying a dirty bomb nuclear decontamination kit in your luggage.

Sadly, none of those reasons will help get you back to the US mainland, and it is a really long swim from Gitmo. (Image from Nukepills.com, where this handy kit sells for $249.99).


Personal doomsday detonator

To you, this is just a 4 port USB Hub, to Mr. Officer, this is a bomb detonator.

If they find this, don’t make any sudden moves, and whatever you do, don’t flip the cover open to press the detonator button. (On sale at Thinkgeek.com for $39.99)


Designed for a really explosive wakeup call

I’m not an X-Ray specialist, so I have no idea how this will show up on the TSA screens. But somehow, I don’t think they’ll find it as funny as we do.

This is obviously a gag gift, so if you want to really piss someone off, gift wrap it, and tell them to open it once they reach their destination.

Yes sir – I’m just naturally curious about radiation and dirty bombs

Unless you have a student ID showing your related studies or an employee badge for a national lab, you’d better have a great story for the screener that finds these books.

They may look like harmless reading material to you and I (and they are), but $10 says any number of these titles will get you pulled aside for some extra special screening.

The fake grenade USB memory drive

These USB hand grenades probably won’t look too authentic on the X-Ray machine, but they’ll sure make for a funny gag when your bag is being searched.

And by funny gag, I mean pain in the ass. Security personnel don’t take too kindly to fake grenades, and if you catch them on a bad day, you may end up being involved in a terminal scrub. Other things to avoid are grenade replicas or disarmed grenades.


Nothing says “strip search” faster than rubbing bomb making products on your belongings

Ever had your belongings “swabbed”? The security agent will rub your laptop or other item with a swab, then stick it in an expensive machine that says “ping”.

At least, in most cases it should say ping, because when that red light starts flashing, it’s telling them you have bomb residue on the item. Know someone with a heart condition? Don’t borrow one of their patches to rub it all over your laptop. It’ll end badly for everyone involved.

Jacket + wires = fighter jet escort

It was back in 2004, back when everyone was a little more security aware than they are today. A Saudi woman was on board Delta Airlines flight 43, on its way to the US when it got flanked by fighter jets, diverted and forced to land. All because of a jacket with a couple of wires.

To the untrained eye, it looked like a suicide bomb jacket, to everyone else, it was just a winter coat with internal warming pads. Or how about airline passenger/tech student Star Simpson back in 2007 – her art project/fashion statement also combined wires, lights and batteries, and it nearly got her shot at Boston Logan airport. Of course, this idiot was also holding a piece of Playdough, so the combination really could have been a problem.


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Newest bogus airport threat – suspicious powders

by Scott Carmichael on

By now most people passing through the airport are aware of the dangers of liquids. I’m sure you know to carry your tiny bottles in a TSA specified plastic baggie. So, now that threat has been neutralized, it is time to move on to the next one – powders.

Because the TSA discovered that certain kinds of powder can be used in the creation of improvised explosive devices, they are going to start screening for suspicious containers of powder.

Airports have been outfitted with new equipment for testing powered substances, and the TSA wants you to know that a small percentage of these products will be selected for additional screening. If they detect anything explosive, it won’t be allowed past security.

The official TSA blog is quick to admit that they don’t have any specific threats that triggered the new measures, but felt the need to introduce these new measures anyway. Their logic is that they want to stay ahead of any emerging threats. To me, it all sounds a lot like someone got bored, and wanted to come up with a new way to remind us that the world is still a dangerous place.

So, let it be a warning – leave your explosive baby powder at home, and be prepared for more reasons for airport security to pull you aside for a secondary screening.

Check out these other stories from the airport checkpoint!

Tips on taking young children through the security checkpoint

by Scott Carmichael on

If you plan to fly with a young child this Summer, you may want to watch the video embedded above. It shows the ordeal of a three year old child who was selected for a secondary screening. As is often the case, the TSA shows how not to deal with a child who is obviously scared of what is being done to her.
The video mentions a couple of things you can do to make the experience more relaxing for them. Some of the things I would add are:

  • Be sure to empty their pockets – little kids often add coins and other metal objects to their pockets, so just like you go through your own pockets, do the same for your kid(s).
  • Tell your child that they’ll need to put their teddy, dolly or other comfort item in their bag, taking items like that through the checkpoint will only delay things. Be creative, and tell your child that their teddy needs a checkup. I suggest putting their item in your luggage well before you reach the checkpoint, that way they’ll have a couple of minutes to get used to the idea. Let them know that they can get it back as soon as you reach the other end of the checkpoint.
  • If you do run into a TSA agent that demands to subject your child to a secondary screening, try and make sure you explain to your child what the (bad) man or women is going to do, and if possible, turn it into a fun game.
  • If the TSA agent is clearly being too rough with your child, make some noise, demand a private screening and request a supervisor. Do not accept anyone at the checkpoint that is rough or rude to your child.
  • I would not recommend recording the screening with your mobile phone (like done in the video above) as it may only make matters worse. If something really bad is happening, the TSA supervisor will be able to review their own video material.

Daily gear deal – Swiss Clipper airport friendly multitool for $23

by Scott Carmichael on

Today’s gear deal is for the new Wenger Swiss Clipper AT multi tool.

This airport friendly tool complies with all TSA regulations, and in the special “AT” version, the knife has been removed, and replaced with a mini screwdriver. You also get a pair of scissors, a nail file and (for the first time on any Swiss knife), a nail clipper.

Of course, you also get the signature toothpick and tweezers hidden away in the handles.

The Swiss Clipper AT normally retails for about $30, but is available from Buy.com for just $22.99 (plus $7 shipping). Clip this thing onto your key chain, and you’ll always have 7 handy tools with you.

That said – I do recommend carrying a copy of the TSA regulations with you, as the agency has a nasty habit of making up rules at the checkpoint, and you are bound to eventually run into a checkpoint worker who will tell you to surrender your dangerous weapon.

TSA agent caught running a drug business on the side

by Scott Carmichael on

Look, we all know the economy is a little sour at the moment, so what do creative people do? They try and make a little extra cash on the side!

That is what entrepreneur Timothy Monroe did when his job as a TSA checkpoint agent didn’t pay enough.

So, Mr. Monroe picked a second job in a pretty stable kind of market – selling drugs.

During the daytime, Mr. Monroe protected our airports from deadly water bottles and nail clippers, and at night, he sold cocaine and marijuana to his customers.

Apparently this is against the law, because officers obtained a high-risk search warrant and raided his house.

In it, they found all the tools of his trade – guns, ammo, cash, cocaine and marijuana. A TSA spokesperson said they were “aware” of the allegations, and will take appropriate action.