The TSA wants to remind you that pies are OK, cranberry sauce is not

by Scott Carmichael on

Despite all the mocking of the TSA, I do need to compliment them on how they try and educate the traveling public on how to deal with their (often silly) rules.

As we approach the busiest travel season of the year, the TSA has taken the time to once again remind people what you need to know about traveling with food or gifts.

The basic rules still apply – liquids are not allowed through the checkpoint unless they are in a “one quart baggie” and under 3 ounces each. Exceptions are made for medication, baby formula and breast milk.

These rules obviously mean that gravy, maple syrup, wine and anything else not on their exceptions list must be placed in a checked bag, or sent ahead in the mail.

The good news is that anything solid is permitted – this includes pies, cakes and that leftover turkey. I’m not entirely sure why jellies and jams are not allowed, but pies are. Bottom line; if you want to carry jam or jelly, put it in a pie.

A special reminder for snow globes – nobody wants to pack those in checked luggage, but the checkpoint will not allow them to pass, so either leave them at home, or send them with FedEx.

As a final reminder, always keep Christmas gifts unwrapped until you arrive at your destination. It sucks to have a TSA agent unwrap all your gifts just to be sure that Zhu Zhu pet isn’t actually a bomb. Once again – shipping gifts is best done by mail, UPS or FedEx. If you ship ahead of time, you’ll be able to send a large box from coast to coast for about $20, which is well worth it, considering how much hassle you’ll prevent.

Why the TSA insists on screening wheelchairs

by Scott Carmichael on

Screening airline passengers in a wheelchair has often been a bit of a hot topic. For some reason, people get wound up when they see the TSA searching every corner of a wheelchair, as if disabled people should automatically be trusted and allowed to pass through without a search of their chair.

The TSA understood this criticism, and decided to do a little research. As it turns out, people in a wheelchair are just as much of a threat as the rest of us, and screeners regularly find items hidden in a wheelchair.

Earlier this year, a passenger in wheelchair was arrested when agents found packages of cocaine. And just a month ago, agents found not one, but two loaded guns under the cushion of a wheelchair in Milwaukee. In this case, the gentleman had simply “forgotten” he still had them there, but this does show how easy it is to hide items like guns in a wheelchair.

So, next time you see the TSA give a disabled passenger in a wheelchair an enhanced search, just remember that anyone can attempt to bring unwelcome items on a plane, disabled or not.

Want to ignore airport security rules? Become a celebrity!

by Scott Carmichael on

Airport security took a bit of blow this week when Britney Spears passed through LAX security carrying… a Big Gulp! I’m not a big fan of paparazzi (or Britney Spears for that matter), but the underlying story is interesting enough to deserve a closer look.

When Britney passed through the checkpoint, she was carrying her Big Gulp, something you and I would be told to throw away. Apparently being a famous singer gets you a special waiver, because none of the TSA staff told her to dump it.

Initially, there was some outrage from TSA opponents, as a drink like that is not permitted. TSA blogger “Bob” was quick to defend the TSA agents by pointing out that there were only ice chips in the cup, and that as long as the cup is put through the x-ray, ice chips are permitted.

As far as the TSA was concerned, that was end of the story. This is where the paparazzi come in handy, because they filmed Britney clearly carrying the cup through the checkpoint, without it ever passing through the x-ray equipment.

So, next time you don’t want to spend $6 on an airport drink, just put on a Britney Spears mask or find yourself a career in entertainment, it’ll make your trips to the airport so much easier.

Five ways to beat the competition to the overhead bin

by Tom Johansmeyer on

There’s nothing so gauche as to stick your carry-on into an overhead bin far ahead of your seat, grab a book or magazine from it and walk 17 rows back to your seat. Because, whether you know it (or give a damn), one of the passengers sitting under your bag may not have a place to put his. Then, when the plane settles in at the gate, he’ll try to shove his way to the back of the plane (where he was forced to stow his stuff) while everyone else is moving the other way. It’s a recipe for disaster.

And, it’s getting worse.

Airlines have had to cope with shrinking budgets, thanks to a dismal travel market, and that means making cuts. So, when there isn’t another pill water, peanut or blanket to chop, the airlines have to take away the planes themselves. Airline capacity is falling almost across the board this year, making planes more crowded. That translates to fuller overhead bins. The other airline money-making scheme – charging fees for extra baggage – has also cramped the cabin. Passengers are hoping to dodge the extra cost, even though it is modest.

When there’s an airline problem, of course, Congress rushes to devise some sort of solution – an obvious move given the track record legislators have had “fixing” the industry. The latest move appears to be an effort to limit and standardize carry-on sizes across airlines, with the TSA enforcing the rule at checkpoints. What will this accomplish? Well, your security wait just got longer. Not only will they have more work to do, but you’ll have the joy of waiting behind 27 people who all need to argue with the TSA employee about how the new rule is bullshit.

Until Congress comes in and accomplishes nothing, what matters most are strategies for making sure you can get as much of your stuff as possible into the overhead bins, especially if you want to keep some foot space under the seat in front of you. Here are five ways to make the whole process easier.

1. Board early
Chance favors the prepared. Get onto the plane as soon as you can. If you have elite status, use it. Linger by the gate to wait for your zone to be called. Then, strike when the announcement is made.

2. Be honest
You could become a scumbag and toss your carry-ons into the first overhead bins you see … or you could play it straight and put your bags in the appropriate bin. Become a part of the solution, not the problem.

3. Consolidate
Don’t carry too many carry-ons, and if you do max out the gear you can tow, bite the bullet and stick some of it under the seat in front of you.

4. Gate-check
You’ll have to wait a little longer for your bags, but it isn’t nearly as bad as having to linger by the carousel. This is as close to a win-win as you’ll find in the hell we call air travel.

5. Deal with checked luggage
Sometimes, you’re going to have to suck it up and check your damned bags. Don’t try to fight with the flight attendant or gate agent over size or amount. You’ll only delay the process … especially if the flight attendant has to announce that some of the bags in overhead bins will need to be checked. Don’t push the envelope, and learn to live with the rules.

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