SkyMall Monday Bonus: Is The Travel Slanket TSA Friendly?

by Mike Barish on

How fitting is it that today’s SkyMall Monday featured the Siamese Slanket while the whole travel world is talking about the new TSA regulations? It seems that the TSA wants to make sure that our luggage and devices are safely stowed for the final 60 minutes of the flight so that our hands are completely visible to the flight crew. Even blankets have been outlawed during approach so that no one can discreetly ignite a device or fingerblast his lady friend. But what about the people who are always cold on planes (Read: 90% of humanity)? How will they stay warm in those cold metal tubes as they descend? These are reasonable questions that deserve humorous valid answers.Thankfully, SkyMall Monday is on the case. I am hereby demanding that the TSA answer this vital question: Can we wear the Travel Slanket during landing?

Sure, blankets are no longer permitted during this time, but that’s because the TSA is spooked that you’ll be whittling something explosive out of the view of the flight attendants. But the Travel Slanket keeps your hands exposed. There are no secrets with a Travel Slanket wearer. He wears his heart – and his willingness to follow the rules – on his fleece sleeves.

So, TSA, stop being so ambiguous and aloof and tell us what we all want to know: Is the Travel Slanket the ultimate safety and security compromise? We want answers. We want the truth. We want to fall asleep on our homophobic seatmate.

TSA Security update: No inflight entertainment, books OK

by Grant Martin on

Security changes are coming fast and furious after Friday’s attempted terrorist attack on a Detroit-bound Delta flight. While the passengers and crew were able to successfully subdue the would-be troublemaker, the fact that someone was able to ignite such a device has caused a wealth of backlash — from security officials and passengers alike.

Immediate changes restricted passengers’ access to overhead bins and carry-on items during the last hour of inbound, international flight. No electronics or lap items were to be allowed, including reading material. As Twitter user @antderosa suggested, “New TSA regulation requires passengers must hold breath for the final hour of flight while humming ‘kumbaya'”

Our inside source in the industry now tells us that books and reading material may be allowed (with the exception of e-readers) but that inflight entertainment cannot be used. That’s the seatback and projected video that pumps out movies, games and most relevantly, the location of the aircraft. Apparently that location is what the TSA wants to protect.

With the most recent security update, passengers may furthermore not keep anything on their laps, including jackets — but it’s okay to wear them.

What these new initiatives prove is that we’re still in a fragile, fluid situation following Friday’s events. While many of these changes seem reactionary and perhaps absurd, there’s little that we can do about it right now. Just make sure to get to the airport early if you’re flying overseas in the near future.

TSA snags child’s Christmas present: Think like TSA when packing your carry on

by Jamie Rhein on

Think like TSA when you pack your Christmas presents for your flight home. If you don’t think like TSA, your child may end up losing a gift. It almost happened to us.

In the past, I have said goodbye to a full bottle of suntan lotion and a corkscrew with a knife attached. Those were not fun to lose, but these were items that ended up in our carry on bag as we hurried. I’ve known about snow globes for awhile so I never would forget about one of those.

Still, to not be like me, don’t pack in a hurry. Sift through that carry on bag one more time. Don’t think logically; think like TSA. Items that may seem harmless to you can cause TSA’s warning bells to ring. This summer, as Scott posted, one boy lost a Star Wars toy from Disneyland at a security checkpoint.

In general, when it comes to TSA’s warning bells, I’m not one to argue, but when it came to one of my son’s Christmas presents, I went head to head with Mr. TSA Man. I tried to stay polite even though I was mad enough I could have spit.

Here’s how it went down and who won. Will a certain present be under the tree this year?

As a last minute shopping trip the day we flew out of the airport in Albuquerque, New Mexico this summer, I headed to the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center and my favorite gift shop. There, among other things, I bought a hand-painted, flimsy bow and arrow set for my son for a Christmas present.

Because both could be easily snapped in two–the arrow was more of a stick really with merely a suggestion of a tip, I decided to keep the set in the shopping bag and use the bag as a carry on. I had “toy” on the brain. I did not have my TSA thinking cap turned on.

As soon as Mr. TSA saw the bow and arrow through the monitor of the X-ray machine, he saw weapon. Of course he would. He’s TSA Man.

TSA Man pulled the bow and arrow out of the bag.

“It’s a child’s toy.” I tried to be reasonable in my tone.

TSA Man said, “It’s a bow and arrow.”

By this time the bow and arrow was on the counter in plain sight. My son looked happy to see it. “Is that for me?” he said. There went a Christmas surprise.

“Could you remove the arrow so we could take the bow?” I asked TSA man, thinking this might be a solution to keep us both satisfied. I really liked the bow.

“No,” said TSA man.

“Why not?” By this time, TSA man was really getting on my nerves. I was trying to be helpful. He didn’t seem to care that he ruined a perfectly good Christmas present that I wouldn’t find anywhere else.

TSA Man: “Because it’s a bow and arrow.”

At this point, I may have said “That’s dumb.” I did say, “If you take off the arrow, wouldn’t it be just a bow?”

“No,” he said. “It’s still a bow and arrow.”

Recognizing the futility of the power of logic, I said, “Then I’ll check it.”

I had a carry on that the set would fit in and I’m stubborn.

I reached for the bow and arrow.

TSA Man: “You can’t touch it. I have to carry it.”

“Fine.”

I waltzed toward the terminal door that lead out of security with my carry on and with TSA Man following close behind. He handed me the child’s bow and arrow once I was on the main terminal side of the door.

Ever polite, I did say “Thanks,” although by this time I did not sound pleasant.

The bow and arrow set made it home safely. Checking it last minute cost $15 dollars–twice as much as I paid for it. Oh, but keeping that bow and arrow set was so worth it.

This is a lesson in having a carry-on you can check if need be and enough time before your flight to do a last minute check in.

By the way, there were three wooden tomahawk toys in the shopping bag as well. I guess tomahawks aren’t weapons.

The bow and arrow set is not going under the Christmas tree. My son already has it.

When you are packing, remember to think, what would TSA man think about this? If you’re not sure, check out this list of prohibited items from the TSA website. Also, here’s the information about traveling with food and gifts.

A TSA simulator courtesy of Playmobil

by Kent Wien on

I was so excited when I came across this Playmobil Security Check Point on Amazon. As an airline pilot, this is the perfect way to show my two girls, ages 8 and 4, where it is that I work.

My daughters have a ton of Playmobil people already, left over from the airplane and helicopter sets, as well as an airport terminal I’ve bought in an effort to show them that the only real career they’ll ever enjoy must revolve around aviation.

So what better way to indoctrinate my little girls than with this security check-point.

We set up each of the 74 Playmobil figures and their baggage, and then positioned the pilots to cut right up at the front of the line. The girls loved that. And then I explained that crew members get special privileges and don’t have to take their shoes off, which is fortunate, since the shoes on a Playmobil can’t be removed.

We even made this video with a message that just wouldn’t have been possible without the security check point. I think my girls finally get the idea. They’re now begging me for flying lessons, and I suspect these kind of special privileges are the reason.

Now you might balk at the $73.00 price of the set, but let me remind you, security doesn’t come cheap.

UPDATE: apparently the $73.00 collectors price wasn’t too high, since Amazon sold out of the now discontinued set.

According to the reviews, others on Amazon were not quite as excited as I was after purchasing the security checkpoint. Here are just a few examples:
Valuable life lessons packaged in bright plastics

I purchased this product (along with the Playmobil ambulance/mass casualty incident set and the Playmobil road construction set) for my five year old son. After a few hours my son asked me why our society was so keen on infringing on the civil liberties of its citizens in the name of safety and security. Like all the other five year olds whose parents purchased this product, he is precocious and wise beyond his years.

I answered that everyone still has the right to walk anywhere in this country, and that everything else is a privilege and not a right. People who voluntarily surrender their freedoms on the altar of personal convenience have no right to complain about it afterwards. My son is now well on his way to becoming an anarchist.

I wish this toy had been around when I was a child so that we might have learned important life lessons rather than the fluffy sugar-coated false utopia of Rainbow Bright and Friends.

A must-have addition

I hear Playmobil is coming out with a waterboarding torture set. I think I’ll wait for that and buy them together to save on shipping.

Serious Security Breach

My family was planning a vacation to Europe, so I purchased this item to teach my twins about what to expect at the airport and hopefully, alleviate some of their anxiety. We also downloaded the actual TSA security checklist from the American Airlines website and then proceeded with our demonstration. Well, first we had to round up a Barbie and a few Bratz dolls to play the other family members, so that cost us a few extra bucks at the Dollar General and it is aggravating that the manufacturer did not make this product “family-friendly.”

Of course, since the playmobil Dad could not remove his shoes or other clothing items, unlike the Barbie, the playmobil security agent became suspicious and after waving her wand wildly a few dozen times, called her supervisor to wisk the Dad into a special body-cavity search room, (which incidentally led to quite an embarrassing and interesting discussion with my twin daughters about personal hygiene and a slight adjustment to the rules we had them memorize about touching by strangers). But worst of all, since the suitcase did not actually open, the baggage inspector made a call to the FBI and ATF bomb squads which then segregated the family’s suitcase (which btw was the only suitcase they provided for our educational family experience) and according to the advanced TSA regulations, had to blow it up, (since they could not otherwise mutilate the luggage, break off the locks and put one of those nice little advisory stickers on it), which we had to simulate out in the backyard with a few M-80s and other fireworks.

The girls started crying. They became so hysterical by the whole experience that we could not even get them in the car when the time came to actually take our trip, and so we had to cancel the whole thing at the last minute, losing over $7,000 in airfare and hotel charges that we could not recoup do to the last minute cancellations. We’ve now spent an additional $3,000 to pay for the girls therapy and medication over the past year since this incident occurred, and the psychologists have told us that this will affect them for life, so much for their college fund and our retirement. Then, to top it all off, when we tried to use to playmobil phone to call the company to ask for reimbursement, as you might expect, of course the damn thing didn’t even work; neither did our efforts to e-mail them using the computer screen on the baggage checkpoint; and our real-life efforts to contact them to obtain reimbursement have also likewise been ignored.

Worse yet, we had the product tested and found out that it was positive for both lead paint and toxic chemicals, having been manufactured in China by workers holding formerly American jobs, so now we all have cancer and have been given only another year or so to live. My advice – educating your kids about airport security with this toy may actually be more harmful to them than just packing them in the damn luggage with some bottled water & hoping they survive.


So if you’re looking for something for your kids this Christmas, why not try to track down this sure to be collector’s item. It clearly kept me entertained!

Man demands half a million Dollars for airport checkpoint foot injury

by Scott Carmichael on

The shoe carnival that is the “airport checkpoint” has long been one of my biggest annoyances. Apparently I’m not alone, because a Cooper City, FL man is taking the TSA to court over a foot injury he suffered after stepping on a piece of glass at the checkpoint.

In his case, he blames the TSA for failing to make sure the floor at the checkpoint was sufficiently cleaned. Apparently the injury was severe enough to send the man to hospital, and miss out on an extended period of work.

His wife is also part of the lawsuit, claiming an additional $100,000 for the loss of “service, society, consortium and companionship of her spouse”. That is probably lawyer speak for “couldn’t have sex”.

It’ll be interesting to see how the lawsuit proceeds, or whether the TSA just avoids the embarrassment of having to tell a jury why they demand people remove their shoes, without making sure the floor has been kept clean.

Half a million is a lot for a foot injury, but publicity and costs like this are apparently what it takes to get the government to make sure the traveling public is kept safe.