The TSA wants to remind you that pies are OK, cranberry sauce is not

by Scott Carmichael on

Despite all the mocking of the TSA, I do need to compliment them on how they try and educate the traveling public on how to deal with their (often silly) rules.

As we approach the busiest travel season of the year, the TSA has taken the time to once again remind people what you need to know about traveling with food or gifts.

The basic rules still apply – liquids are not allowed through the checkpoint unless they are in a “one quart baggie” and under 3 ounces each. Exceptions are made for medication, baby formula and breast milk.

These rules obviously mean that gravy, maple syrup, wine and anything else not on their exceptions list must be placed in a checked bag, or sent ahead in the mail.

The good news is that anything solid is permitted – this includes pies, cakes and that leftover turkey. I’m not entirely sure why jellies and jams are not allowed, but pies are. Bottom line; if you want to carry jam or jelly, put it in a pie.

A special reminder for snow globes – nobody wants to pack those in checked luggage, but the checkpoint will not allow them to pass, so either leave them at home, or send them with FedEx.

As a final reminder, always keep Christmas gifts unwrapped until you arrive at your destination. It sucks to have a TSA agent unwrap all your gifts just to be sure that Zhu Zhu pet isn’t actually a bomb. Once again – shipping gifts is best done by mail, UPS or FedEx. If you ship ahead of time, you’ll be able to send a large box from coast to coast for about $20, which is well worth it, considering how much hassle you’ll prevent.

Why the TSA insists on screening wheelchairs

by Scott Carmichael on

Screening airline passengers in a wheelchair has often been a bit of a hot topic. For some reason, people get wound up when they see the TSA searching every corner of a wheelchair, as if disabled people should automatically be trusted and allowed to pass through without a search of their chair.

The TSA understood this criticism, and decided to do a little research. As it turns out, people in a wheelchair are just as much of a threat as the rest of us, and screeners regularly find items hidden in a wheelchair.

Earlier this year, a passenger in wheelchair was arrested when agents found packages of cocaine. And just a month ago, agents found not one, but two loaded guns under the cushion of a wheelchair in Milwaukee. In this case, the gentleman had simply “forgotten” he still had them there, but this does show how easy it is to hide items like guns in a wheelchair.

So, next time you see the TSA give a disabled passenger in a wheelchair an enhanced search, just remember that anyone can attempt to bring unwelcome items on a plane, disabled or not.

Want to ignore airport security rules? Become a celebrity!

by Scott Carmichael on

Airport security took a bit of blow this week when Britney Spears passed through LAX security carrying… a Big Gulp! I’m not a big fan of paparazzi (or Britney Spears for that matter), but the underlying story is interesting enough to deserve a closer look.

When Britney passed through the checkpoint, she was carrying her Big Gulp, something you and I would be told to throw away. Apparently being a famous singer gets you a special waiver, because none of the TSA staff told her to dump it.

Initially, there was some outrage from TSA opponents, as a drink like that is not permitted. TSA blogger “Bob” was quick to defend the TSA agents by pointing out that there were only ice chips in the cup, and that as long as the cup is put through the x-ray, ice chips are permitted.

As far as the TSA was concerned, that was end of the story. This is where the paparazzi come in handy, because they filmed Britney clearly carrying the cup through the checkpoint, without it ever passing through the x-ray equipment.

So, next time you don’t want to spend $6 on an airport drink, just put on a Britney Spears mask or find yourself a career in entertainment, it’ll make your trips to the airport so much easier.

Ten products to avoid when passing through airport security

by Scott Carmichael on

The Transportation Security Administration spends millions of Dollars each year trying to inform airline passengers what to leave at home, and how to safely pack things.

We should all know by now that liquids come with restrictions, and that swords and other dangerous items will be taken away from you.

Now, these guidelines can be a little vague, so we have compiled ten products that will probably get you in trouble at the airport. Remember, this isn’t an open invitation to taunt the TSA!


The TSA absolutely loves offensive T-Shirts. And by “loves”, I mean hates.

Nothing is more entertaining at the airport checkpoint than a really insulting t-shirt. In fact, they love them so much, that they may have airport cops arrest you, and force you to wear a different shirt.

Yes – the T-Shirt picture above is real, and there is indeed a real site where you can order it. It’s just one of many really offensive shirts being sold at tshirthell.com. $19 will get you your very own very offensive shirt, and a chance at being Tasered at the airport.

Pick the blue wire

Harmless alarm clock, or surefire way to get pushed up against a wall with your legs spread. You feeling lucky enough to try and find out? (On sale at Amazon.co.jp for just under 3000 Yen).

This is actually an alarm clock that requires you to disarm it by plugging the wires in using a sequence shown by lights. It is made for people who have a bit of a hard time waking up in the morning.



Make your own bomb guides

Here is one that doesn’t cost anything more than a couple of pages of printouts.

If your bag is being searched, and the agent comes across a stack of “make your own bomb” guides, do you think you will a) make your flight or b) not make your flight. (Hint, pick B).

Dirty bomb emergency kit

I’m sure you could come up with 20 different reasons why you are carrying a dirty bomb nuclear decontamination kit in your luggage.

Sadly, none of those reasons will help get you back to the US mainland, and it is a really long swim from Gitmo. (Image from Nukepills.com, where this handy kit sells for $249.99).


Personal doomsday detonator

To you, this is just a 4 port USB Hub, to Mr. Officer, this is a bomb detonator.

If they find this, don’t make any sudden moves, and whatever you do, don’t flip the cover open to press the detonator button. (On sale at Thinkgeek.com for $39.99)


Designed for a really explosive wakeup call

I’m not an X-Ray specialist, so I have no idea how this will show up on the TSA screens. But somehow, I don’t think they’ll find it as funny as we do.

This is obviously a gag gift, so if you want to really piss someone off, gift wrap it, and tell them to open it once they reach their destination.

Yes sir – I’m just naturally curious about radiation and dirty bombs

Unless you have a student ID showing your related studies or an employee badge for a national lab, you’d better have a great story for the screener that finds these books.

They may look like harmless reading material to you and I (and they are), but $10 says any number of these titles will get you pulled aside for some extra special screening.

The fake grenade USB memory drive

These USB hand grenades probably won’t look too authentic on the X-Ray machine, but they’ll sure make for a funny gag when your bag is being searched.

And by funny gag, I mean pain in the ass. Security personnel don’t take too kindly to fake grenades, and if you catch them on a bad day, you may end up being involved in a terminal scrub. Other things to avoid are grenade replicas or disarmed grenades.


Nothing says “strip search” faster than rubbing bomb making products on your belongings

Ever had your belongings “swabbed”? The security agent will rub your laptop or other item with a swab, then stick it in an expensive machine that says “ping”.

At least, in most cases it should say ping, because when that red light starts flashing, it’s telling them you have bomb residue on the item. Know someone with a heart condition? Don’t borrow one of their patches to rub it all over your laptop. It’ll end badly for everyone involved.

Jacket + wires = fighter jet escort

It was back in 2004, back when everyone was a little more security aware than they are today. A Saudi woman was on board Delta Airlines flight 43, on its way to the US when it got flanked by fighter jets, diverted and forced to land. All because of a jacket with a couple of wires.

To the untrained eye, it looked like a suicide bomb jacket, to everyone else, it was just a winter coat with internal warming pads. Or how about airline passenger/tech student Star Simpson back in 2007 – her art project/fashion statement also combined wires, lights and batteries, and it nearly got her shot at Boston Logan airport. Of course, this idiot was also holding a piece of Playdough, so the combination really could have been a problem.


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Newest bogus airport threat – suspicious powders

by Scott Carmichael on

By now most people passing through the airport are aware of the dangers of liquids. I’m sure you know to carry your tiny bottles in a TSA specified plastic baggie. So, now that threat has been neutralized, it is time to move on to the next one – powders.

Because the TSA discovered that certain kinds of powder can be used in the creation of improvised explosive devices, they are going to start screening for suspicious containers of powder.

Airports have been outfitted with new equipment for testing powered substances, and the TSA wants you to know that a small percentage of these products will be selected for additional screening. If they detect anything explosive, it won’t be allowed past security.

The official TSA blog is quick to admit that they don’t have any specific threats that triggered the new measures, but felt the need to introduce these new measures anyway. Their logic is that they want to stay ahead of any emerging threats. To me, it all sounds a lot like someone got bored, and wanted to come up with a new way to remind us that the world is still a dangerous place.

So, let it be a warning – leave your explosive baby powder at home, and be prepared for more reasons for airport security to pull you aside for a secondary screening.

Check out these other stories from the airport checkpoint!