SkyMall Monday: Springflex UB

by Mike Barish on

No doubt, many of you check in on SkyMall Monday while you are at the office. You’re taking a break from your hectic workday to learn about the latest innovations coming from our favorite catalog. But consider how much time you’re spending at your desk. You’re tucked into your cubicle and immobile all day. Your spare tire is growing. Your saddlebags are sagging. You’re slowing dying. And if you die, who’s going to read SkyMall Monday? Stop being so selfish! Stop being so lazy! Get healthy with the Springflex UB!

Look, I know how busy you are. You work all day, take care of your family, and at night you chat online with that handsome stranger who lives two states away and promises to leave his wife for you. There’s just no time for exercise. But now you can maximize your time at the office by getting fit right at your desk.

First, go to your office and have a seat. Now, take off your shirt.* Next, remove your pants [note: be sure to wear your bicycle shorts underneath your khakis]. Go ahead and replace your dress shoes with sneakers. Finally, attach your Springflex UB to your desk and feel the burn. See, you’re exercising and working! Assuming, of course, that your job doesn’t involve you having to type at all. Or use your hands in any way, shape or form.

Perplexed? I can’t imagine why. But I’m certain that the product description will clear things up:

Numerous repetitive stress injuries have been linked to sitting in front of a desk all day. Lower metabolism and increased weight gain have also been linked to a sedentary work day. But what if you could get a workout when you are just sitting at your desk?

Isn’t that what I just said?! Focus people. It’s not that hard. Just strip down to your drawers right there at your desk and start flailing your arms around with the Springflex UB or your boss will fire you for having flabby pecs. In this economy, can you afford to have man-boobs?

* Being topless may or may not be considered “business casual.” Consult with your Human Resources department for more details. They may have a pamphlet.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

More baggage scale woes. Can luggage suffer from water weight gain?

by Jamie Rhein on

On my last airplane trip, my daughter and I took only carry-ons so baggage scales were a minor thought. Not long ago I wrote a post on the problems with scale calibration at American Airlines check-in counters.

Jeffrey chased that post with another scale problem missive. This time the scale culprit was discovered at the Tuscon International Airport. After reading this Jaunted post about what one honeymooning couple discovered in the Caribbean, it does appear one might be a bit suspicious if your baggage has had a weight gain.

Although people may retain water on different days–or at different hours of the day, which might explain weight fluctuation, I’m not sure that luggage does. Or does it?

As this Jaunted story goes, upon arriving at the St. Lucia Hewanorra International Airport to hoist their luggage on the scale as one of the steps to departing from a honeymoon in paradise (I hope it was paradise), the couple discovered their bag must have been eating while they weren’t looking. How else can you explain 15 pounds? Even water weight gain doesn’t fluctuate like that.