Business traveler pays attention to safety instructions; crew panics

The air marshals were called in to subdue a 45-year old business traveler, who was caught paying attention to the safety instructions during the 6:30am flight from New York to Los Angeles.

“Anyone who pays attention to the safety demonstration at 6:30am is clearly delusional,” said Lakeisha, Continental Airlines’ flight attendant. “Instead of nonchalantly reading The Wall Street Journal and pulling the typical I-have-heard-this-crap-so-many-times-I-don’t-have-to-pay-attention routine, this passenger was watching me the entire time, as I demonstrated how to put on the oxygen mask in an emergency. It’s OK, I have guys staring to my boobs all the time. What really made me worried was that he even turned around to locate the emergency exits. Who does that?”

She panicked and quietly notified the on-board air marshal, who then proceeded to pepper-spray and handcuff the weirdo. The plane was grounded at JFK airport for several hours after the incident.

The passenger was identified as Jim Dorky of Brooklyn, NY. He is currently held in custody at JFK with the guy who returned a the wallet he found (with $10,000 in cash) to “lost & found” last year.