SkyMall Monday: Double Umbrella

It’s time once again for SkyMall Monday. What better way to get the week started than to take a look at another incredibly ingenious and useful product from our favorite high altitude catalog? This week it is my pleasure and privilege to introduce you to the Double Umbrella.

So often I am out on a date with one of my fancy model girlfriends and it will begin to rain. Imagine my embarrassment when I unfurl my umbrella and she sees that it is only built for one person. Sure, it opens to a 60″ canopy, but it’s just one dome. Time and time again I have been left alone holding my umbrella and shattered dreams because a girl has perceived me as selfish. I mean, if my umbrella is built for one, how can I ever be trusted to have a heart built for two?

Well, problem solved! The double umbrella has not one but two canopies! And for added intimacy, it has just one handle. I could clutch it along with my fancy model girlfriend and we’d be holding hands. And dry! Who doesn’t love dry hand holding?

As always, I look to the product description to feed my enthusiasm:

Closed, it looks like a typical umbrella, but opened you’ll find room for two underneath the extra-large double canopy. Any hotel doorman would be proud!

Finally, I’ll attain the approval of hotel doormen that I have been seeking my whole life. My therapist would call this a breakthrough.

I’ll even enjoy using this product alone. When people see me with it, they will know that I clearly have someone special in my life. Someone who loves me and hates water. Someone who is willing to walk confidently with me down the boulevard while we proclaim our love for each other through the only language that can properly convey our emotions: precipitation avoidance. And when I inevitably bump into one of my many acquaintances and they ask me with whom I share this tandem umbrella, I will confidently proclaim, “My fancy model girlfriend. She lives in Canada. You wouldn’t know her.”

Thanks again, SkyMall. You understand my needs better than anyone else. Even my fancy model girlfriend.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.