Tender American buttocks cause more environmental damage than Hummers

Squat toilets: love them. Toilet paper: love it, too. My ideal bathroom experience nixes both the Western sit-down toilet and the non-Western, left-hand, bucket-of-water wiping method, so that I combine what I consider the best parts of both bathroom experiences.

It might be time for me to adopt the bucket-of-water method, however.

That extra-soft, two-ply toilet paper I buy by the 50-pack at Costco is made of virgin forest. Though I realize I should have known better, I was shocked and dismayed at an article by The Guardian that reports that more than 98% of toilet paper sold in America comes from virgin wood: “The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public’s insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.”

The article points out even more American excess: three-ply and lotion-infused tissue. You read it right: lotion-infused toilet paper.

While I’ll certainly be switching to recycled TP, I just might dip into the bucket-of-water method. Tips on how to use this technique are appreciated.