British theme park bans Speedos – to protect the children

British theme park Alton Towers has decided that guests wearing Speedos are no longer welcome in their park.

The iconic “show your bulge” swimming trunks are deemed unfriendly to families, and possibly scary to kids.

Of course, the whole argument is based upon standards gone crazy, because 20 years ago, beaches were full of men wearing their Speedos, and as far as I know, there have been no mass outbreaks of adults requiring mental care to suppress flashbacks of their childhood trips to the beach.

The park is so hell-bent on protecting the children, that they are even considering offering complimentary male waxing services, you know, so the poor kids don’t see little hairs coming out the side of daddy’s trunks.

I’ve got a much more “European” opinion of the Speedo – if you can pull it off, do it. My biggest concern is people who can not pull it off, yet do it anyway.