SkyMall Monday: Portable Neck Traction

Neck and back pain are topics that we have covered quite a bit in this SkyMall Monday space. Whether you have a kink in your neck from a long flight, stiffness from sleeping awkwardly or just tweaked some muscles attempting to carry your rolling luggage on your back, neck pain can derail your day faster than a train getting derailed. Seeing a chiropractor is unreliable and expensive. Besides, if they were real doctors they’d have degrees from real medical schools. Who has the time and libido for regular massages? SkyMall offers massage options, but they are simply temporary solutions. To treat chronic neck problems, you need to truly attack the problem. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But, Mike, can’t we just use the NECKpro Traction Device that you covered over two years ago?” Sure, but that device requires you to sit in the doorway. That’s fine if your neck hurts in the middle of an earthquake, but what if you’re traveling or at the office? Traction shouldn’t require you to put a jock strap around your neck while you block the door. That’s why we’re thrilled to see that you can now treat your pain with Portable Neck Traction.Just like monkeys became humans (deal with it, Kansas), neck traction, too, has evolved. What was once a static exercise is now mobile. You can treat your neck with the sweet relief of traction at home, in the car, on carnival rides, on a camel, under the sea, on top of a mountain and on the toilet. No matter where you are, traction is perfectly acceptable. No longer will you risk sexual harassment claims at the office by asking your colleagues for massages. Now you can sit alone at your cube with your neck in an an inflatable collar.

Think that chronic neck pain should be treated by a medical doctor? Believe that extreme remedies such as traction should be overseen by an expert? Well, while you navigate the world of health care, we’ll be reading the product description:

Simply place it around your neck and pump the inflation bulb until you feel a comfortable stretch.

I’ve always wondered what it would be like if a balloon animal choked me to death. It’s about time my inflatable asphyxiation fantasies became a reality.

Pain medication and body rubs can only do so much to alleviate chroinic pain. Eventually, you need to take the issue seriously and inflate a device that will tighten around your neck whether you’re home alone or locked in an airplane bathroom. It’s just the next logical step.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.