SkyMall Monday: Full Color Photo Throw ACTUAL REVIEW

by Mike Barish on

Welcome to a very special edition of SkyMall Monday. For the first time in the illustrious history this series, I can provide you with a first-hand, hands-on, handy review of a SkyMall product. This may shock and/or amaze you, but I don’t actually test the products that I review in this space. I know, I know. It seems disingenuous. But you’d be surprised how well you can understand a product when its usefulness is just so plainly obvious. But, when the time came to purchase a going away gift for a friend, I knew that it needed to be the perfect balance of practicality and narcissism. And so, with great optimism, excitement and trepidation, my friends and I ordered the Full Color Photo Throw.

I’ve long been obsessed with the Full Color Photo Throw. I’d wanted to give a blanket with my face on it to someone…anyone…but couldn’t decide who was deserving of such woven perfection. But my friend Jenny solved that riddle when she had the idea to gift the blanket to Asami, our friend who has been in New York studying English for close to a year. What better way to let her know how much we enjoyed her friendship and how badly we’ll miss her than to send her back to Japan with a blanket sporting our charming smiles?

Photos were taken, the order was placed with SkyMall and, very shortly thereafter, we received the packet of instructions for submitting our chosen image. In just a few short weeks, our blanket arrived. To say that we were pleased with the service and quality is an understatement. I mean, it’s a blanket…with our faces on it…and we never had to leave the house. If that’s not that apex of what the internet has to offer, I don’t know what could possibly be coming in the future. I can only hope that it will be a Full Color Photo Throw that flies. And gets good gas mileage.

We presented Asami with the blanket this past weekend and, needless to say, she loved it. She’s eager to get back to Hokkaido and show everyone how amazing her American friends are. And we’ll be famous in Northern Japan for being the blanket people. It’s a win-win.

The Full Photo Throw is fantastic. I recommend it with great confidence and enthusiasm, as proven by the use of this exclamation point! But I would suggest that you include my likeness on any blanket that you order. That seems to be the factor that guarantees the blanket’s success.

So, SkyMall, kudos and huzzah to you. You sell at least one worthwhile product that forwards the human existence and raises the level of discourse in all blanket-related conversations. And you also enabled the creation of a blanket that includes not one, but two Gadling contributors (yep, that’s yours truly in the bottom row in the middle and Jeremy Kressmann in the lower right-hand corner).

I’ll wrap things up with my own “official” product description. SkyMall editors, feel free to use this. It’s my gift to you:

Do you love your friend? Do you love yourself? Do you want to combine that love in a way that won’t result in awkwardness? Then keep your pants on and purchase the Full Color Photo throw instead. You, your friend and your ego will be glad you did.

Photo by Matt Huang.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Full Color Photo Throw

by Mike Barish on

You love your family. You love to visit them, speak to them on the phone and keep photos of them around your home. That’s what you do when you love people and want to keep them close. But what if you really need to keep them close? What if you really need to express your love and devotion to them? You only have so many kidneys to give. Well, thankfully, SkyMall Monday is back to help you help yourselves. This week we learn what love is. This week, we discuss the Full Color Photo Throw.

Sure, you could display photos of your family in ornate frames or waste your hard-earned money on one of the asinine digital picture frames. But your love is better than that. Your love for your family cannot be contained within the confines of a 4×6, 5×7 or even 8×10 photo. No, you need something bigger. Something better. Something that also keeps you warm and makes your houseguests mildly to moderately uncomfortable. You need the Full Color Photo Throw.

It’s a blanket with a photo of your family (or friends, pets, sister-in-law, neighbor, yourself or some unsuspecting stranger) on it. Nothing will put your mind at ease more than laying down on the couch with some Irish coffee, your mortgage and credit card bills and a blanket with a larger-than-life photo of your loved ones on it. How relaxing!

Don’t believe me? You never do. It hurts my feelings. But, since you’re going to be that way, you might as well read the product description:

Turn your parent’s wedding photo into a cherished heirloom, honor a military hero, make a keepsake of the last family reunion photo or memorialize a beloved pet!

Who wouldn’t want to get busy with someone on the couch under a blanket festooned with a photo of their parents on it? And no one will be concerned about your emotional well-being when you take a nap under a blanket decorated with a picture of your dog who died 12 years ago. Nope, nothing to see here.

So, show everyone how much you love them in a totally healthy and well-adjusted way with the Full Color Photo Throw. It’s the natural way to love. Unlike the way your creepy uncle likes to love you.

SkyMall Monday: Electric Travel Blanket

by Mike Barish on

Here at SkyMall Monday, we realize that SkyMall’s popularity is based on our desire to let technology solve all of our problems. Hungry? Cook a hot dog. Hit your child? Stop the bleeding. But what about when you’re in the car with your spouse and the air conditioning has made you uncomfortably cold? Sure, you could politely ask him to adjust the settings to warm you up but that would require you to select the proper words and tone of voice to convey your feelings in a healthy and respectful way. Why not keep your mouth shut and solve the problem by yourself? Because doesn’t it make much more sense to use the Electric Travel Blanket?

Let’s be honest. Talking is overrated. Your spouse works hard all day. He pays the bills, buys you nice things and drives you places in his temperature controlled vehicle. The last thing he needs is you yapping in his ear about how cold it is in the car. Frankly, if he wants to turn the car into a portable meat locker, that’s his prerogative. Why would he want to adjust the air conditioning settings just to make you comfortable? Geez, you’re so selfish. So solve your own problems by plugging a blanket into the car’s cigarette lighter and warm yourself.

Think I’m being over-dramatic? The good folks who write the SkyMall product descriptions agree with me and they’re geniuses. I mean, they write for SkyMall! Take a look:

For as long as cars have been air-conditioned, drivers and passengers have bickered about the “right” temperature. With this super-soft electric car blanket, the “colder” person can be comfortable, even when the A/C is on full-blast.

Yes, it truly is a story as old as time. And by putting the word “colder” in quotation marks, we understand that what they really meant to say was “whiny.” So quit your bitching about the air conditioning because your man likes his cars cold, not his women. Just save your relationship with the Electric Travel Blanket.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Top 10 SkyMall Mondays of 2008

by Mike Barish on

2008 was a big year for SkyMall Monday in that, you know, I created SkyMall Monday in 2008. We laughed, we cried, we grew as people. But mostly we just laughed. With the new year just days away and with everyone and their mother posting year-end top 10 lists, this week seemed perfect for a look back at the Top 10 SkyMall Mondays of 2008. So, grab your credit card, throw logic out the window and come along on a magical ride through some highlights from our favorite mile-high catalog.

10. TimeMug – Certainly many of you have made a new year’s resolution to get yourselves organized. Well, what better way to get your life in order than to have a clock on your coffee mug? You may have left your watch at home and forgotten your phone in the car, but your latte will know exactly how late you are for your meeting.

9. Slumber Sleeve – Easily the second-best pillow of the two pillows SkyMall Monday reviewed this year! The Slumber Sleeve allows contortionists and husbands who have been forced to sleep on the couch to maintain bloodflow to their extremities. It’s a niche market, but the Slumber Sleeve really filled it up good and tight.
8. Flair Hair Visor – As a bald man, I’m typically offended by anything that makes us aerodynamic individuals feel as if we should hide our glorious domes. But when you come across a product that is so dignified and subtle, you can’t help but promote it. The Flair Hair Visor says, “I have such tremendous self-esteem that I am certain you must be pointing at me and laughing as a gesture of respect.” I accept your compliments.

7. Portable Desk – You’re a man (or woman) on the go and you just have to work, work, work! But there’s nowhere to sit as you wander around the coffee shop/airport/freeway. What do you do? Well, you strap it on. (Note: Thank you to my editor who looks the other way when I use that phrase).

6. Noseaid – When you care enough about your child to put a clothespin on his nose and then just walk away.

5. SkyRest Travel Pillow – Getting comfortable in a cramped airplane seat can be tough. Trying to sleep in that seat is even tougher. You could try a neck pillow, but they’re so small, convenient and easy to carry. What you need is something so obtrusive that everyone knows that you’ll be sleeping through the drink service. You need a giant wedge that will block your neighbors from going to the bathroom. You need the SkyRest Travel Pillow.

4. Double Umbrella – Keeping two people dry in the rain is the world’s oldest problem. Sure you could buy a golf umbrella, but then you’d be a giant douchebag. You could carry around multiple umbrellas, but then you’d have the hassle of keeping then both up in bad weather. Or, you could own the world’s first umbrella built for two people who like each other but not enough to stand close together under one umbrella.

3. NECKpro Traction Device – Tethering yourself to a door is never a bad idea. So what better way to alleviate neck and back pain than to strap yourself to a door and crank yourself away from stress? And what a handsome design! Frankly, I’ll find any excuse I can to run this photo repeatedly.

2. The Slanket – As I began compiling this list, I thought for sure that The Slanket would end up in the number one spot. How could it not? It’s the original blanket with sleeves! I even spent an hour completely entranced by the incredibly cheesie Slanket website. But at the end of the day, I’m just not a blanket guy. I prefer to put on a sweatshirt. Our flaunt my tremendous wealth by turning on the heat.

1. Cruzin Cooler – Many people have blamed the collapse of the Big Three U.S. automakers on their lack on innovation. Well, one amazing advancement in transportation has recently come from the great minds of America’s business leaders. I speak, of course, of the Cruzin Cooler. Part cooler. Part go-kart. All awesome. It holds 24 12-ounce cans and has a top speed of 13 miles per hour. But it’s not about the numbers. Facts and figures are so cold and emotionless. SkyMall Monday is about people. I believe in bringing you hope and joy and warmth. To that end, just look how pleased these Cruzin Cooler owners look.

Happy New Year, SkyMall Maniacs. See you in 2009 with a whole new batch of products designed to make our lives more magical.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: The Slanket

by Mike Barish on

If it’s Monday, it’s a SkyMall product review. Gadling blogger Jeffrey White shared his thoughts about SkyMall this past summer. I must respectfully disagree with his opinion that SkyMall products are either useless crap or overpriced junk. SkyMall products address the needs of the populace and, during these harsh economic times, isn’t that what we all need?

This week we’re talking about The Slanket. Don’t call it “A” Slanket. Or just Slanket. It’s The Slanket. And it’s a blanket…with sleeves! No longer will you be imprisoned underneath your blanket surrounded by snacks, beverages and gadgets that remain achingly outside your reach. Now you’ll be able to grab a fistful of pork rinds and your universal remote without exposing yourself to the perils of in-home frostbite.

So often I find myself sitting on my couch covered in a blanket and tzatziki sauce. Why? Because my attempts to eat my delicious gyro while engulfed in the fleecy warmth of my blanket resulted in embarrassing yogurt-sauce stains. Sure, I’d love to eat over a plate but then my arms would be outside the blanket and I could catch a chill. Should I wisely purchase The Slanket, I’d finally be able to use my arms efficiently and warmly. I mean, just take a look at the SkyMall product description:

Here’s the best blanket – hands down – for snuggling up with a book or laptop computer.

Who doesn’t love snuggling? And with The Slanket, you can quit that pesky habit of having to share your blanket with a loved one. Because The Slanket is just for you and your computer. And your beer. And your internet girlfriend.

The Slanket. Thank you, SkyMall. And thank you to the genius who shot the photos for The Slanket’s sadly hysterical website.

Well, what do you think of The Slanket? Share your thoughts in the comments.