Video of the Day: Don’t use baby leashes

Sigh, baby leashes. How demoralizing. We have strollers and Baby Björns and, hell, arms with which we can carry our children and children with their own healthy legs who can walk on their own while we, as responsible adults, observe them with our eyes and keep them close with verbal cues and instructions. Despite all of this, people continue to harness their children like some sort of pet capybara. We understand that you want to keep an eye on your kids – and we know that traveling with kids is far from easy – but isn’t there a better way?

Nannies are an expensive luxury and you’re certainly not always going to have a babysitter with you when you’re on a trip. But is it so hard to just monitor your own kids? Maybe hold their hands or something? Look, we can’t tell you how to raise your kids, so, if you’re going to use a baby leash, could you do us a solid and make sure that you’re not tugging the child backwards in an intersection? Thanks.

SkyMall Monday: Helpy Carry-on Harness

Airports are chaotic and tiring places. Between checking in, dealing with security, finding your gate, overpaying for bad food after waiting on long lines and then trying to board your flight before all of the overhead bins on the plane are taken, air travel is exhausting. Making things even more taxing is your luggage. Sure, rolling luggage releases you from the burden of carrying your belongings, but you still have to pull your bags. That means that at least one of your hands is occupied by something other than your smartphone, a cup of coffee or a cinnamon bun the size of Utah. It just seems to me that, if we have to deal with the horrors of the airport, we should at least be able to entertain ourselves with both of our hands. Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we have our dogs do all the heavy lifting. Since they can’t pass through airport security due of their knife collections, we’ve had to find other ways to free our hands for fun airport activities such as reading books, tweeting and pointing at which Sbarro meals we think are most likely to give us explosive diarrhea (Hint: All of them). Thankfully, SkyMall has managed to eliminate the need to use our hands to pull our luggage, thus freeing us to immerse ourselves in activities that help alleviate the stress of being at the airport. They’ve done it with the Helpy Carry-on Harness.Man has relied on everything from donkeys to horses to oxen to pull things, but if you want a job done right, you need to do it yourself. Now, thanks to the Helpy Carry-on Harness, you can simply tow your luggage around as if you were a truck pulling a trailer. You have to walk anyway (sadly, the entire airport isn’t made of people movers), so you might as well let your legs and torso pull your luggage. That leaves your hands free for everything from high fiving the ticket agent for upgrading you to helping up the poor person you clipped with your suitcase because you can’t see what the hell is happening behind you.

Think that the only safe and secure way to pull your rolling luggage is with your hands? Believe that wearing a harness will only lead to embarrassing back sweat? Well, while you deal with repetitive stress injuries in your fingers, why not have your home health aid read you the product description:

The Helpy is a comfortably fitting shoulder harness that allows you to conveniently pull your wheeled luggage behind you, leaving both your hands free to dial a number, check emails, hold your child’s hand, push a stroller and multitask on the go.

Finally, you can push your child’s stroller and check your email all while pulling your luggage and not paying attention to where you’re walking. Airports are fun again!

So, rather than pulling your luggage through the chaos of the airport, why not do a crossword puzzle and drink an extra large coffee while you walk to Gate 148Q with your bag strapped to your back? Take the bull by the horns and be your own pack mule.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Babykeeper Basic hangs your baby close while you pee

I thought writing product reviews couldn’t get any better than Skymall Monday. But then a product comes along that is so patently amazing that it takes my breath away. I stare at my computer screen, mouth agape, and wonder how I ever lived before experiencing such wonderment. I can only imagine that this is how one would feel upon encountering a unicorn in a meadow filled with daisies and trees that fruit lollipops. Ladies and gentleman, I am pleased to introduce you to The Babykeeper Basic.

Traveling with kids is hard. Or at least that’s what people tell me. I’m single and childless (as far as I know), so I just throw some underpants and toothpaste into a bag and off I go to my next exotic destination. But I imagine that when you travel with kids, you can get a tad flustered. You have your luggage, the kids’ luggage, diaper bags, purses, stuffed animals and other nonsense to carry. That’s a lot to handle. And, at some point, you’re going to have to use the bathroom.

Well, you can’t just ask some stranger, or worse, your spouse, to hold your child while you urinate (or defecate, your choice). That’s where The Babykeeper Basic comes in. Simply select the lavatory of your choosing, place the hooks over the stall divider and overcome the stage fright that you will inevitably encounter as your child stares at you judgmentally while you try to relax and let the river flow. Nope, nothing to see here. Just a baby hanging precariously from the wall of a bathroom stall while you empty your bladder and/or bowels.

Look, I’m not saying that you should just put your kid on the bathroom floor while you do your business. That’s foolish. Your child could then easily abscond with your luggage while your pants are at your ankles. What I am saying is that hanging your child from the bathroom stall in some medieval harness might not win you Parent of the Year at your church’s next family fun day.

For our readers in Japan, I have great news. You can save $25 and just use the amazing public restrooms in your forward-thinking country. They have the baby seat built right in.

[Via Buzzfeed]