Israel, Mecca … no difference to British BMI

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Passengers headed to Israel on a British BMI flight were alarmed to find their destination was Mecca, according to the in-flight map. The airline, it seems, isn’t terribly aware that the Middle East is know for a tiny amount of tension that’s lasted for decades (the most recent iteration, at least).

Pick your joke about “wiping Israel off the map” – the Sydney Morning Herald did.

BMI, of course, denies an anti-Israel bias and cites a technical screw-up. The carrier, which has operated low-cost flights to Israel for more than a year, says it bought two plans from a bankrupt charter company that focused on Muslim destinations. The in-filght systems were programmed to highlight Islamic holy places.

It’s not discrimination. Instead, it’s a careful blend, of laziness, stupidity and poor planning – all of which are excusable in the airline industry, right?

Porn industry disgusted by flight attendant side job

by Tom Johansmeyer on

“Look, we all have standards,” an adult entertainer familiar with the full- and part-time work of Ryanair flight attendant Edita Schindlerova told The Independent. “I think it’s disgusting that she works for Ryanair. All of us here at Biggus Dickus Productions feel really let down by her. If only she had told us she worked for them, maybe we could have done something to help her. Now, she has lost all our trust. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m off to do a three way.”

If you’ve seen Monty Python’s The Life of Brian, you know not to treat “Biggus Dickus” as a joke name.

While many look down their noses at the porn business, it looks like the airlines are able to give even those in the skin biz someone over which to hold a sense of superiority. Of course, the porn folks could learn a lesson in tolerance from Ryanair, which doesn’t care about Edita’s side job as “Edite Bente.”

If you’re surprised to see the porn industry claim any sort of moral high ground, don’t be. Anyone who has spent a bit of time in this business has had to listen to more than a few hours of First Amendment tirades, claims of wanting to be left alone and so on and so on and so on. Yes, it can get tedious, even though some of it is warranted. Either way, it’s pretty crazy to see the porn industry piss all over the airline business. What happened to “live and let live”?Ryanair flight attendant Schindlerova was recently outed as a part-time porn star by London tabloid The Sun. Her employer doesn’t care, and she hasn’t denied the allegations. She was also featured in the airline’s 2009 calendar, a collection of the sexiest employees that the low-cost carrier has to offer.

Her cover was blown by a pilot who somehow stumbled upon her work. Either this was an incredible coincidence, or this guy, who has not had to see his name in the press, spends a hell of a lot of time cruising the web for porn.

Julia Molony, who covered this story for The Independent, suggests, “Watch out fro the free-orgasm-with-every-flight offer on a billboard near you.” Such naïveté … does she really believe that Ryanair would give “free” anything?

Okay, through some investigative journalism on my part, I’ve been able to find some of her night job work. This is absolutely not safe for work or around children.This is not an adult website, rather it is a Czech tabloid, but do understand that they are able to push the envelope a lot farther than we can in the United States.

See our first story on Schindlerova’s erotic escapades.

Good news! Ryanair will NOT make you use coins to enter their bathrooms

by Scott Carmichael on

We’d forgive you if you accused us of being pro/anti Ryanair (depending on what you read).

In the past week we broke the news that the Ryanair CEO was considering introducing coin operated bathrooms on his flights.

Then we reported on remarks of a Ryanair spokesperson who claimed the esteemed Ryanair CEO was just screwing with us. Thankfully the official reply is out – Ryanair will NOT be introducing coin operated bathrooms on their flights.

They will be credit card operated.

That’s right, According to Ryanair, they have actually asked Boeing engineers to design a credit card operated lock that can be installed on the bathroom doors. That pretty much removes all concerns about not having enough change, or any worries about currency issues.

According to Ryanair, if 20% of their passengers use the bathroom on each flight, and they all pay 1 Pound for the right to pee or poo, they’ll earn an additional 15 Million Pounds a year (21 Million Dollars).

As usual, there is something smelly about this plan – the extra income does not take into account the cost of installing the actual credit card operated doors, or the extra manpower required to transfer all these transactions to some kind of computer at the end of the day.

Nor do they seem to worry about the possibility that the equipment will break down, and sooner or later someone will break it when they can’t get the damn thing to accept their hotel loyalty card as a valid method of payment.

We are already on our third installment of this silly idea, but I can’t help feel we are being involved in a funny hoax by the airline. Either way, Mr O’Leary and his airline are clearly masterminds at creating free PR – almost getting themselves on the same level as that other brilliant airline PR guy, Richard Branson.

I just hope Ryanair understands what they are getting themselves in to – many of our commenters already said they’d rather take a dump in the vomit bag than pay the airline.

Update: O’Leary has finally admitted that the whole thing was indeed a cheap PR stunt.

Ryanair removes the airport check-in desk

by Scott Carmichael on

By now I’m sure everyone has heard of Ryanair, the cheeky European low cost carrier. Their insanely low fares have turned them into the third largest airline in Europe.

Of course, in order to offer low fares, you need to cut a few corners. You won’t find any free pretzels on Ryanair. In fact, pretty much anything service related is either non existent, or requires an additional fee.

Their latest cost saving measure is to completely remove all airport check-in desks. That’s right – the familiar desk at the airport where a smiling airline employee would get you checked in and on your way to the gate is being replaced by the Internet.

Ryanair now expects all their passengers to check-in using the web. Of course, this would not be a huge issue if anyone could use the service, but non-EU passengers on Ryanair are unable to do a web checkin. This means that anyone without a European passport will be forced to use (and pay for) the single baggage drop desk at each Ryanair location.

We’ve finally reached a point where a super cheap ticket starts to look less and less interesting. What good is a $20 ticket when the cost of checking in at the airport and taking 2 bags with you can add an extra $80? I’ve long joked that we’ll eventually see an airline charge for using the bathroom, but now I’m convinced that we’ll actually see that happen some time this year.

(Via: The Telegraph)

Budget Travel – The Low Cost Carrier

by Scott Carmichael on

Summary: The low cost carrier (LCC) may seem like a new development in the aviation world, but the concept is anything but new. The first real low cost “no frills” airline was Laker Airways, which took off back in 1966 from the UK, and shuttled passengers to destinations all around the world for as little as $50.

Laker Airways provided the inspiration for many of the current low cost carriers, and even major airlines like Virgin Atlantic took a close look at Sir Freddie Laker’s business model to learn from his experiences and mistakes.

A low cost carrier is exactly what the name implies – low cost. In order to offer these low prices, the airline naturally makes some cuts. You won’t find anything “free” on the majority of these carriers. Everything from drinks to checked luggage will add to the price of your ticket, but in return you are able to book an insanely cheap fare.

Finding a low cost carrier: Several days ago, Jeffrey wrote about some basic ways you can find a low cost carrier. This information is very important, because almost all low cost carriers handle their own bookings, and do not participate in sites like Expedia or Travelocity. There are 100’s of low cost airlines out there, so if you can’t find what you are looking for, try entering your destination into Google, and a airline or other resource is bound to pop up.


When not to use a low cost carrier: As you navigate the low cost airline websites, you may notice a trend – many of them do not use the airport you expect them to.

For example; Ryanair flies from London to Brussels. Their destination is not to the “normal” airport of Zaventem, but “Brussels South Airport” in Charleroi. Zaventem airport is just 10 miles from the Brussels city center, Brussels South airport is about 50 miles with no direct rail link.

You’ll need to take this into consideration when you book a ticket, as the trip from Charleroi to Brussels takes about an hour by bus and will add about $30 (round trip) to your ticket.

The same goes for many other airport destinations serviced by a low cost carrier. Before you hit “purchase now”, always pull the airport up on a map, and check out the airport site to determine just how much of a hassle it will be to get to your final destination. Saving $50 on a ticket is meaningless if you have to spend another $50 just to get to your hotel.

The low carrier will not always warn you about these remote destinations, so make sure you do your homework. One more thing to keep in mind is that many of these airports are low cost themselves, so do not expect too many facilities.



Too good to be true? When you research a low cost carrier, and compare their prices with a normal carrier, you’d be forgiven if you wondered whether the whole thing is too good to be true.

If you come across a $3 fare on Ryanair, don’t be too suspicious, these carriers sell millions of tickets, and many of them do indeed start that low. In fact, some of these airlines are amongst the largest in the world, all thanks to those cheap tickets.

Of course, you do need to keep in mind that even tickets on a low cost carrier are subject to taxes and other surcharges, so your $5 ticket could easily become $60.

Competition = good: Don’t always depend on the low cost carrier. On routes within Europe where competition is stiff, you’ll often be able to find similar rates on the legacy carriers. For example; easyJet charges about $42 for a one way ticket from London Luton to Amsterdam. But British Airways charges just $68 for a flight from the much nicer Heathrow airport to Amsterdam. If you are on a budget, but still have a little cash to spare, consider your comfort before committing to a low cost carrier.

Booking on a low cost carrier: As i mentioned earlier, don’t expect to use your favorite booking site to book a ticket on a low cost carrier. All these carriers handle their own bookings. This means you’ll have to select the cheapest airline yourself.

A great place to start is FlyLowCostAirlines.org, this site has most major low cost carriers in their database, and allows you to enter your destination to locate all the low cost carriers that operate on that route.

Low cost carriers are everywhere! When you think of low cost carriers, most people will think of the airlines they recognize – Spirit, JetBlue and Southwest are all very well known in the US.

There are however 100’s of other low cost carriers around the world. Heading to India? Check out GoAir. Going to China? Take a flight on Spring Airlines. A convenient list of all the low cost carriers in the world can be found at Wikipedia.

Get your expectations straight: There is no easy way to say this – low cost carriers are not a luxurious way to travel. If you are used to flying in the first or business class cabin, and having a flight attendant look after all your needs, then a low cost carrier is going to be mighty disappointing.

Book your ticket with the correct expectations, and your flight will be just fine. Remember, most of these flights are under 2 hours, and the money you saved will go towards a nice dinner at your destination. If you board the plane expecting full service, then you are going to be in for a nasty surprise.

What to be on the lookout for: Every low cost carrier will do what it can to “upsell”. During your booking process, you’ll be offered all kinds of additional services, for a fee.

Some of these services may be cheaper than buying them directly, but others may not be the best value out there. If you have money to spare, you may want to consider paying for “priority boarding”, which allows you to board in the first group, greatly increasing your chance of getting a decent seat. This is especially important if you are traveling in a group and do not want to be split up.

Remember, almost no low cost carriers do the seat assignment game, so as soon as the boarding doors open, you are on your own to snag the seat you want.

One other thing to keep in mind, is that not all airlines let you check in for free at the airport. Ryanair is a good example of an airline that charges for checking in at the airport, so don’t be surprised if your family is charged an additional fee, just because you were not able to do an online checkin.