Surviving Chicago’s Market Days festival

This Saturday and Sunday, Chicago welcomes the largest street festival in the Midwest, Northalsted Market Days. It’s a two-day free-for-all of over 400 vendors, 40 concerts and drag shows, street food, booze . . . and lots and lots of half-naked men.

You see, Market Days takes place in Boystown, a stretch of Halsted Street in the Lakeview neighborhood that is home to the majority of the city’s gay bars and adult shops (plus plenty of trendy restaurants and unique boutiques for any orientation) and many of its gay residents. While the festival isn’t adults-only, you’ll definitely see some things you might have a hard time explaining to your kids (“Mommy, what’s a speculum?”).

While Market Days is predominantly a party – you’ll see more champagne-slushy stands and margarita vendors than anything else – it’s also a chance to support the local community. The money raised from the voluntary $7 donation goes to support the Northalsted Merchants Association that represents the local business owners. They also profit greatly from the event in the form of extra business during Market Days, both at their restaurants and at booths they operate at the fest. Need a new “special toy”, some knock-off designer sunglasses, a hammock for your backyard, a set of “pitcher” and “catcher” t-shirts, or maybe just an arm full of used books? Market Days has you covered with it’s eclectic collection of vendors. You’ll also find giveaways and contests; last year a friend of mine won two sets of round-trip tickets from Travelocity’s “cash-grab” booth.

If you get tired of sipping frozen cocktails, sampling from food stalls, checking out the merchandise and just taking in some of the more outlandish outfits (or lack thereof) worn by the crowd, you can head over to the concert stage where performers like En Vogue and Jody Watley will entertain, along with some local Chicago bands. For that you’ll have to pony up a bit more though. Wristbands to see the stage run from $30-$50 each.

Given the huge crowds and sensory overload you’ll experience at Market Days, the first time can be a bit overwhelming. Here are a few tips for survival.

Bring cash. In addition to the $7 donation fee, you’ll need it for any purchase you make from a vendor. There are ATM machines located around the route, but they often run out of money over the weekend.

Bring toilet paper and hand sanitizer. A few hundred thousand drunk people can really take their toll on the porta-potties. Come prepared. Most establishments along the route will not let you use their facilities unless you buy something.

Bring snacks and water. You aren’t supposed to bring booze into the fest (though it’s easy enough to sneak in) but you can bring in some water to stay hydrated and some healthy snacks to keep your strength up.

Wear closed-toe shoes. Especially as the night wears on, your chances of getting stepped on (or worse, stepping in something unsavory) increase.

Bring your cell phone if you plan to meet up with friends and make a plan to meet just inside or outside one of the entrances. Make a plan for if you get separated too. It’s easy to get distracted and wander off from your group.

Bring a camera. You’ll want to document this. Trust me.

Dress to impress. If you’re looking for a hook up, bring your A-game. You’ll have lots of competition. From skinny young guys in nothing but a pair of speedos and some feathery angel wings to older “bears” in full-on leather, you’ll see it all and if you want to stand out, you’ll need to make an effort.

Take public transportation. If you plan on drinking, and even if you don’t, taking the El (Belmont Red Line) or bus is the way to go. Cops are out in full force looking for drunk drivers, and parking around the fest is nearly impossible anyways.

Come with an open mind. Market Days is a party for sure. But it’s also a celebration, of love and acceptance. Everyone is happy and friendly. Whether you are gay or straight, male or female, you’ll be approached or maybe even propositioned, but either way you’ll have a great time.

Watch a ship burn at Vivid Sydney

Vivid Sydney is the largest international music and light festival in the Southern Hemisphere (at least according to the press release they sent me). It starts May 26 and runs through June 14, so you still have time to book your tickets. If Jetstar fits into your travel plans, just make sure you fit into a Jetstar seat

“The inaugural year of Vivid Sydney is an exciting milestone in the establishment of Sydney as the cultural epicenter of the Asia-Pacific,” says Jodi McKay, New South Wales Minister for Tourism. “Our city possesses a wealth of creative talent across a variety of industries and this unique event illuminates the city’s most vibrant citizens.”

Vivid Sydney consists of four events, artistic villages and performances in and near the Sydney Opera House, The Rocks, Circular Quay and the City Center. Luminous, a music festival at the opera house, has Brian Eno at the helm. I’ve never heard of him, but apparently he’s worked with the likes of David Bowie, U2 and … you better believe it … the Talking Heads!

Smart Light Sydney, part of the Vivid Sydney experience, offers sculptures in light art and is the brainchild of Sydney born lighting designer and composer Mary-Anne Kyriakou.

Fire Water is a free event that blends “flame, food and spectacle.” A publicist said it, so it must be true. It will showcase an interpretation of the burning of convict ship Three bees, which sank in Sydney Cove in 1814. I have to admit, that actually does sound pretty amazing.

“We have some of the city’s best creative minds working on this festival, and we are confident that in time Vivid Sydney will attract the same level of international attention as the City’s New Year’s Eve celebrations on Sydney Harbour,” says Geoff Parmenter, Chief Executive Officer, Events New South Wales.

Lower Keys Underwater Music Festival, July 14

On Saturday, July 14, Big Pine Key — a quiet, easy-to-miss Key between Islamorada and Key West — will host one of the most unusual festivals in the US. The 23rd annual Underwater Music Festival will allow divers to explore Looe Key Reef — part of the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary — to the rhythms of the sea. Literally.

Staged by a local radio station, the event features the station’s music selections broadcast underwater via speakers suspended beneath boats moored on the reef. (The playlist typically includes ocean-themed tunes such as “Yellow Submarine” and “Fins.”)

Moreover, local divers will dress as Sonny and Cher, Elton John, David Crosby — and even a mermaid. An Elvis impersonator will rock the house that day, and divers can even check out some underwater art. For more details about this summer concert, contact the Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce at 1-800-872-3722.

I attended the event last year, and it was a lot of fun — though somewhat disorganized. TIP: If you’re interested in seeing Elvis or the other underwater “musicians,” be sure to ask early and often about their location. They only perform for a few minutes, and not all the dive boats know where they are. Despite the confusion, the day was still a lot of fun, and the diving was good.