Bolshoi in Russia: Lenin, Stalin and other marketing icons still alive and kicking

I have always wanted to see Russia. Growing up in a satellite communist country, with the Soviet Union–the occupying force–pitched as the Evil of all Evils, it took me a while before I thought I could honestly visit the country with an open mind. Nineteen years after the end of communism in Central Europe, to be exact.

Needless to say, I grew up imprinted with a lot of stereotypes about Russia and Russians: They are expanding. Unemotional. They are alcoholics. Xenophobes. And especially: the world would have been better off if Lenin was never born and the Tsar kept ruling Russia.

It’s scary how deeply those stereotypes get rooted when you are bombarded with them from early childhood. I am not saying that some sterotypes aren’t true about Russia today, but they are not exactly helpful when you want to have an open mind about a place. Of course, I really didn’t want to go to Russia just to confirm the stereotypes. I felt like Russia was the missing piece to my view of the world–primarily the political world–and understanding it would greatly help.

With that said, I do think that Russia would have been much better off had the Tsar stayed in power and the Communists never took over.

Soviet memorials


That’s why I was surprised to find so many Soviet plaques, statues and memorials throughout Moscow. Under communism, the Soviet Union was one of the major players in the world; one pole of the bipolar world we all grew up in; well, the older ones of us at least. Even after the Soviet Union split up, Muscovites didn’t feel the need to take down all the signs, the statues and memorials. That is very different behavior from the Czechs, for example. Czechs took all those things down so fast, you wouldn’t believe it. Too fast, some claimed (including Western tourists who expected it of us). After all, it is, and always will be, an important part of our history.

In Russia, Soviet memorials now coexist peacefully with the Tsar memorabilia. Proud displays of the times when Russia was a primary player in world affairs. The times it clearly misses.

Marx’s statue still dominates the square by Teatralnaya metro station. It says: “Workers of the world, unite.” Plaque’s commemorating Lenin are displayed on buildings everywhere. They get as ridiculous as stating that “Here in this building, V.I. Lenin had a speech at a conference in 1917.” Of course, there is the Lenin mausoleum and, next to it, a cemetery of most Russian leaders, including Stalin.

Russians have a conflicted opinion about Stalin. A friend mentioned that they still do not view him primarily as a mass murderer, like the rest of the world does. They view him as a hero, who won a major war for them: the Patriotic War, as they call World War II here.

The Sculpture Park, a lovely little park right next to the World’s ugliest statue I wrote about earlier, has an interesting collection of Soviet statues that were, perhaps, too ridiculous to keep in the streets. Behind a dominant statue of Stalin is a striking memorial to his victims and political prisoners (see photo).

Romanticizing the communist past


Soviet memorabilia is still a great business here. Stands selling anything from Russian fur hats to propaganda posters are still as popular as ever. Old Arbat, what used to be the heart of Moscow’s art community, is–sadly– filled with such stands. They provide an ironic backdrop to Starbucks, McDonald’s and other symbols of capitalism that now dominate the strip.

All of those souvenirs are, of course, not authentic, although they are certainly supposed to appear that way. They are mass-produced, probably somewhere in China, and sold to Western tourists wanting to appear retro chic. It honestly cracks me up to see all these 18-year old kids–kids, who never lived through the Cold War and to whom communism is merely a chapter in their history book–wearing Lenin T-shirts or at least a Che Guevara hat.

If there was such a thing as a “poser university”, wearing communism-romanticizing gear would have to be its graduation gown.

Bolshoi in Russia: The thing about hotels…

Greetings from St. Petersburg! Bolshoi in Russia is my variation on Big in Japan. (Bolshoi means “Big” in Russian. Get it?) Stay tuned for my live dispatches from Russia this week.

Did I mention how expensive Russia is? Oh yeah, I pretty much mention it in every blog, don’t I. It really is quite shocking how little you get for your money here. It’s one thing to travel around Southeast Asia and stay in crappy hotels for $20/night. You get what you pay for. Russia is different. That same crappy hotel will cost you more like $200 in Moscow and St. Petersburg. It often seems that Russia has all the disadvantages of a third world country (dirt, smog, poor services, etc) and none of its benefits (not cheap).

We stayed in one such crappy little hotel right on 44 Nevsky Blvd (the main drag in St. Petersburg). The hotel entrance is pictured here. The outside is really not the problem, although its classic communist realism look is not exactly the picture of hospitality. It’s the inside. It’s the smell.

One thing you’ll notice about a lot of Russian bathrooms is that they tend to smell bad. The reason? Poor plumbing. It was explained to me that they don’t use a “trap” in the shower. Hence, most bathrooms smell of raw sewage, worse than the New York subway on a hot summer day. All that for only $180/night.

They do give you breakfast with it, though. I even documented it for you: a piece of stale toast, piece of nondescript cheese, some tea and a yoghurt. What they don’t give you, however, is a place where you could eat that breakfast. So, you have to take it back to your room and enjoy it while sniffing the aroma coming out from the bathroom.

It was not nearly the worst hotel I have ever stayed at. It must be up there in terms of value for your money, however. The best thing to remember about Russia before going is that you will spend a lot of money and get very little in return. At the end of thee day, it’s all about expectations.

From Russia, with love.

Bolshoi in Russia: How to turn Prague into Moscow in 7 easy steps

Greetings from Moscow! Bolshoi in Russia is my variation on Big in Japan. (Bolshoi means “Big” in Russian. Get it?) Stay tuned for my live dispatches from Russia this week.

Needless to say, the similarities between Prague and Moscow have been on my mind lately. With a group of friends, this is the summary we came up with over a few drinks.

How to turn Prague into Moscow:

1) Turn back time at least 10, preferably 15 years.
2) Tear down 95.3% of the old buildings and replace with communist
realism buildings.
3) Reduce number of pretty women by 20%, primarily through the use
of bad make-up, bad hair dye, bad clothing, and gold teeth.
4) Increase the population by ten-fold.
5) Increase prices to New York City standard.
6) Replace every third car with a Mercedes and one of the two
remaining with a BMW, give everyone two, and park them all on the
sidewalks.
7) Widen every other street and turn it into a likeness of the
Magistrala, then remove all speed limits.

I know, I know. Probably not the most insightful thing you ever read in your life. Isn’t it strange how things always sound better over drinks?

From Russia, with love.

Bolshoi in Russia: Train to St. Petersburg and other excuses for obscene vodka-drinking

Greetings from Moscow! Bolshoi in Russia is my variation on Big in Japan. (Bolshoi means “Big” in Russian. Get it?) Stay tuned for my live dispatches from Russia.

There are two ways to travel between Moscow and St. Petersburg and they cost about the same. Either you fly–and you have to be prepared to fly Aeroflot or worse–or you take the train. They cost is about the same: $100 one-way. It was a no-brainer for me. I boarded the fast train to St. Petersburg this weekend hoping to catch a glimpse of rural Russia along the way. I don’t think we quite pulled out of the Leningradskaya train station when the first vodka came out.

Train experience

I had no complaints about this train. It is a pleasant, 5-and-a-half-hour ride through flat, yet picturesque countryside. You can still see signs from the communist times on abandoned buildings by the train station: “Power to the workers” and stuff like that. The farther away from Moscow you get, the nicer the landscape is. We were thankful we took the fast train. There is also a slower, overnight train, that takes about 8 hours, but I honestly can’t imagine doing vodka shots one minute longer than we did. The overnight train costs the same as the fast one. The advantage, I guess, is that it save you one night’s hotel. (Big savings in this expensive piece of the planet). There is also the new super-fast train that makes the trip in some 4 hours, but it’s still very new…hence totally overpriced.

The neither-super-fast-nor-totally-slow train we chose was new and comfortable. They even had waiters on the train and should you wish to order vodka right as you leave the station, you made do so. It costs about $30 for about 8 ounces of it (which is about 5 times as much as you would pay for it if you bought it in the store before boarding), but they do bring it to you in a flask, with crystal shot glasses. When was the last time New Jersey Transit did that for you, ah?

You get assigned seats and maybe you-like us-will be fortunate enough to sit next to a couple of drunk newlyweds. I am told this is not how the “typical” train ride from Moscow to St. Pete’s goes. Usually, this train ride is really sophisticated, packed with business commuters from the two cities. The three of us were lucky (or extremely unlucky, depending on your point of view) to get seated next to the newlyweds, who brought lots of homemade food and wine on board with them. Frankly, we were all about joining their wedding party. I even got to sing a Russian war song I first learned at school at the age of eight. I was proud I still knew the lyrics.

Train wedding and other excuses for daytime drinking

I have seen a lot of odd wedding parties in my life (including one in which the couple chose Kanye Wests’s “Gold Digger” as their wedding song). However, I can’t say that I had ever experienced a wedding celebration on a commuter train before. The newlyweds were a couple of kids-20, maybe 25 years old artistic types (see picture). They even brought their book of published poems, and played music they’d recorded. They were still in their wedding outfits because they literally just got married in Moscow and were traveling to spend their honeymoon in St. Petersburg.

Here is the thing about traveling in Russia. It is pretty hard to meet locals, unless you are willing to drink with them. Drinking is bonding. I mean, really, can you refuse to drink vodka (and eat sandwiches filled with God-knows-what) with newlyweds sitting next to you on a train of all places? You can’t. That’s exactly my point. It is virtually not possible to avoid drinking alcohol in Russia, even in the oddest circumstances, such as being on a commuter train from Moscow to St. Petersburg.

The excuses to drink any time of day in Moscow are endless. I could see that developing an alcohol problem would be really easy here. As I overheard yesterday: people drink vodka because “it makes life go by faster.” Often, that could be a good thing here: spend a cold, rainy day or two in Moscow, trust me. There is nothing enticing about it. Vodka: you can always count on it.

Finally, St. Petersburg!

We pulled into the Moskovskaya train station in St. Petersburg around 10 pm. Russian train stations are always named after the destination they service. The train station from which you go to Moscow is called Moskovskaya, the train station from which trains go to Kiev is Kievskaya, etc. Needless to say, there are a lot of little train stations everywhere and they all service only that one general route.

Here is the thing that was strange. It was 10 pm and we were a little tipsy. That’s not the strange part. The weird thing was that it was broad daylight outside. I forgot how far north St. Petersburg was. They actually get white nights here in June. Even at the end of May, it was getting dark between 11pm and midnight and it was daylight again at 4am. I noticed the extra hours of daylight gave me extra energy. You need all the extra energy you can get in St. Petersburg. You want to see as much of it as possible. It is a stunning city! More on that later.

From Russia, with love.

Bolshoi in Russia: How to get women to drink more vodka

Greetings from Moscow! Bolshoi in Russia is my variation on Big in Japan. (Bolshoi means “Big” in Russian. Get it?) Stay tuned for my live dispatches from Russia this week.

I have never seen a bigger vodka selection than a vodka isle in any supermarket in Russia. There must, literally, be hundreds of vodkas to choose from. The selection ranges from bottles with generic titles, costing as little as $2, to fancy labels that will set you back hundreds. I personally, liked Russian Standard, which is really tasty when served frozen (keep the bottle in the freezer as they do here). It doesn’t give you a hangover as far as I could tell. Don’t try to prove me wrong, please.

Vodka, however, is a man’s drink in Russia. Local demographic stats suggest that: an average Russian man has a life expectancy of only 59 years. Thanks to excessive vodka drinking, of course! Women can expect to live a full 14 years longer.

That might be a thing of the past, however. Vodka-marketers have discovered that in order to increase their sales, they must start marketing to women. That is the short story of Damskaya vodka, literally “ladies’ vodka”, a feminine take on the lethal clear liquor favored primarily by men. “Between us girls,” is the catchphrase for this vodka, IHT reports. Needless to say, doctors are not happy about where this campaign could lead…

From Russia, with love.