Bolshoi in Russia: Find me in da club (if I can get past the bouncers)

by Iva Skoch on

Greetings from Moscow! Bolshoi in Russia is my variation on Big in Japan. (Bolshoi means “Big” in Russian. Get it?) Stay tuned for my live dispatches from Russia this week.

I don’t think you can ever be ready for clubbing in Moscow. I certainly wasn’t. Granted, I am not really the clubbing type. I arrived in Russia last night and was told that we have VIP tickets to Opera, one of Moscow’s hottest clubs. What can you say to that? I overdosed on caffeine and I went. For research purposes only, of course.

Upon arrival, I have five immediate observations:

  • The DJ is great.
  • The women (especially the dancers) are hot beyond belief (and this is coming from a woman)
  • The guys are not hot (once again, this is coming from a woman but one not necessarily into the whole Armani Exchange and Diesel uniform look)
  • It is virtually impossible to tell “regular girls” apart from those with a pricetag on them
  • I don’t think there are any regular girls here

I realize I am completely improperly dressed because neither my cleavage nor my legs nor my belly is exposed. Then again, I am not here to find a husband like the majority of the local beauties. My friend is telling me that being a male expat in Moscow is great because Russian women are “all over you.” It is also bad because they are only all over you because you have money and a foreign passport, both of which they’d like to obtain.

He tells me this is how all club conversation between a Russian woman and a foreign man go:

  1. Where are you from? (Hopefully from anywhere in the West)
  2. What kind of job do you have? (Anything with the keywords: manager, president, etc. sounds good)
  3. Do you have a driver? (Anyone who is anyone in Moscow has a driver. If you don’t, you are out.)

If your answers are positive, congratulations! You might have a wife on your hands. A trophy wife, too! At that point, you can only hope that nobody else comes along who a) comes from a more desirable country, b) has a better job, c) has a better car (and a better driver). Relationships in modern Russia are Darwinism at its purist free-market form.

I have seen my share of meat markets in my lifetime, but none that take the trade to perfection quite like a Moscow club.

There is way too much visual stimulation in this club: several dancers, few of them practically nude, theatrical performances, disco balls, all that. I need a drink. $12 for a can of Red Bull plus $10 for a shot of vodka. Not a cheap way to get “into the right mood.” However, comparing to getting a table for the night–from anywhere between $2,000-$12,000, gulp–it seems like a bargain. The VIP tickets were great to get in here, but they don’t give you much more than that.

I shouldn’t complain. Getting into a Moscow club is not the easiest thing to do. There are lines of people dressed to the nines every night hoping to be admitted in. The bouncers are trained to perform “face control” (or feis kontrol as they say here) and examine your shoes, face and clothes to see if you are good enough to get in. Opera has a face control rating of 4 (out of 5), aka Tough. Wearing jeans and shoes costing less than $100 is not helping you here, so don’t even try it. Sneakers? Forget it. Unless, of course, you had a Bentley drive you to the club and you are willing to buy a table. That’s a different story.

You might also be saved if you simply speak English to the bouncers because they will assume you’ll be able to afford the drinks (and that you are not just one of “those people” who come here just to stare at the superhot dancers.) Let them assume away!

Off to Russia. Wish me luck

by Iva Skoch on

Tomorrow, I leave for Russia. I have never been before and I am psyched. However, I can’t believe I chose this particular week to visit Moscow and St. Petersburg.

Of course, I picked the dates before knowing that some 50,000 English fans are expected to descend on Moscow to watch the Champions League final between Manchester United and Chelsea on May 21. Why the match between two British teams is happening in Moscow, I frankly don’t get. I am sure they have a perfectly good reason for it. I know nothing about soccer and I wouldn’t mind keeping it that way.

Stay tuned for a dispatch or two from Russia.

Love from London: Tensions between Britons and Russians continue

by Iva Skoch on

Let’s face it. the relations between Britons and Russian have always been complicated to say the least. Olga Freer’s new book is apparently not helping.

Freer, the 23-year-old Russian author, who lives in London, has published a book called The UK for Beginners. Among other things, she describes Britons as a bunch of people who scratch their bottoms in public, don’t iron their clothes and are obsessed with television shows about buying and selling houses.

In an article entitled: From Russia with bile – you British are drunken oafs, the Sunday Times called the book the latest outbreak of Russian hostility. Freer apparently declares the Buckingham Palace “uninteresting”, British women fat yet confident enough to wear short skirts, and the conversations generally shallow. In Russia, even taxi drivers apparently talk about literature; in the UK here all people talk about is football.

It is the last point that particularly struck me. Isn’t it a little sad that all those educated (or at least well-read) people can hope to achieve in Russia is driving a cab?

Surprise! Medvedev wins the Russian presidency.

by Grant Martin on

Closing Russian polls this Sunday are indicating that Dmitry Medvedev, long preened to be the next Russian President has won in a landslide victory over the opposing candidates. Putin, in the meantime, is taking up the newly coined role of “Prime Minister”, which, shall we say, is Russian for “Medvedev is my bitch”.

Rather than give you the straight news that you can pick up on msnbc or Reuters, I’ve decided to sum up the election in a series of sarcastic statements. I’m from the Midwest — what can I say — it’s how we get through our cold winters.

  • See? Russia isn’t heavy handed
  • I’ll bet you that Medvedev’s Moscow is going to be a new, fresh leadership, corruption will plummet and Putin will wile his days away in a hunting cabin in the St. Petersburg countryside.
  • At least the KGB isn’t running the entire Russian government!
  • I’ll bet that the new cabinet and Kremlin officials won’t be identical to Putin’s outgoing staff.
  • Hey, as long as Russia’s economy is booming, who gives a rip about who’s in charge?
  • I mean, who isn’t nostalgic for another era of secret police and mass paranoia?

Wellll, crap. I suppose things could be worse. Although Putin’s administration seriously creeped me out more than a few times over the years, Medvedev seems like a pretty nice guy. They let Kosvo declare independence, right?

The real question is how much power Putin will retain in his Prime Minister position. If Medvedev actually steps in and begins to rule the country like a leader, things could be interesting. But if the Putin era continues, we’re probably in for the same old heavy handed Russia of yore.

Happy Birthday Aeroflot — Russian nostalgia revisited

by Grant Martin on

Aeroflot (SU) turns 85 this month and has come a long, long way. Not long ago, the thought of flying on Russia’s national carrier meant the fear of flying on ancient, broken down Tupolev aircraft, crummy inflight service and questionable schedules. Now, the airline is up in the ranks of any ol’ international carrier and with numerous flights departing from New York every day we don’t give a second thought to boarding an Aeroflot Jet. I’ve flown SU a few times over the past years and have to agree — they’re in decent shape.

As part of their celebration/advertising campaign for the event, Aeroflot has created a website highlighting some of their ads and images over the last century. While the site is in Russian, the scrolling bar at the bottom of the page links to some of the old images, many of which hearken back to the days of Communism. It’s really interesting to see how the advertising developed.

As a note to the domestic carriers, Aeroflot handed out frequent flyer miles like candy to their passengers as a birthday gift. Take a hint.