Enter Madrid’s red light district

Just north of Gran Via, you’ll find all the leather, sex toys adult novelty items, prostitutes and hook-up bars you’ll need – whether you’re in Madrid for a few hours or several months. For wholesome distraction, however, look elsewhere. The narrow streets and tight alleys can frustrate navigation and make a sketchy space feel even more confined. A mere two blocks from my hotel, I found an “erotic boutique,” “Bears Bar” (which is not a celebration of Yogi or Winnie) and several posters advertising all manner of gratification.

So, why would you hit this neighborhood?

Aside from the obvious anonymous lust-fueled jaunts into a neighborhood designed to satisfy with minimal effort, the bars may be worth the trip. There is an evident party scene in this corner of Madrid, and it’s not limited to the Bears’ niche. After 9 PM, the restaurants and bars along Calle des Infantes [verify street name], especially, attract a young, energetic crowd. Stop by El Tigre for tapas (and be prepared to eat standing), and then crawl from one dive bar to the next … there are plenty to occupy your evening. Finally, in a drunken stupor (or, “stooper,” as a commenter on one of my previous stories put it), decide whether to hunt or pay for an evening’s companionship.

A word of caution: I’ve read that this part of town can be dangerous for accompanies women after dark. While I’ve made light of some of the risks in this neighborhood, please be smart. Both prostitution and drugs, I understand, are common just north of Gran Via. There is a cool bar scene up there, but you probably don’t want to check it out alone.

Sex Toys and Sausages: A Bad Smuggling Combination

Butchers in Mannheim, Germany alerted police on Wednesday when a customer speaking broken English asked the shop keepers to hold on to two “Schwartenmagen” sausages he had purchased from them earlier in the day. He told the butchers he was flying to Dubai the following day and asked if they could store his Schwartenmagen in their refrigerator for the night.

The butchers became suspicious, however, when they noticed that the Schwartenmagen were much heavier than they should be. Concerned that the 50-year old man on his way to the Middle East might be using the sausage to smuggle something dangerous on to the plane, they immediately called the police.

A crack squad of Germany’s finest arrived on the scene where they quickly wrestled the sausages to the ground and discovered a rather large sex toy embedded in each of Schwartenmagen. I’ll let you guess what type of sex toy might fit within a hollowed out sausage.

Hey, isn’t there a better way to smuggle those things? It sort of makes you wonder why the old prison method wasn’t used instead. Ugh!