SkyMall Monday: Top ten things to stuff in the Turkey Cake Pan

by Mike Barish on

It’s Thanksgiving time once again in the good ol’ US of A. That wonderful time of year when we slow down, take a break and acknowledge the people and things for which we are most thankful. Most people focus on the thanks. I like to focus on the ful(l). Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we love to stuff our faces on Thanksgiving. From stuffing to green bean casserole to, of course, turkey, Thanksgiving is a gut-bustingly wonderful holiday. Inspired by the impending feast, I searched for “turkey” on the SkyMall website. After wading through the various Turkish wraps, I found the delightful Turkey Cake Pan that you see demonstrated on the right. It’s breathtaking. It allows you to bake turkey-shaped cakes. But why stop there? What else could you stuff into that Turkey Cake Pan? Imagine molding your favorite foods to look like wild game. Are you imagining it? Well, let me help you. This week, we’re listing the top ten things to stuff in the Turkey Cake Pan.

10. Clay

Kids get bored at family get-togethers. The meals last too long, the strange relatives make bad jokes and all of their good toys are left at home. This year, let your kids paint a decorative clay turkey. Pop the mold into the oven on the self-cleaning cycle (it gets up to 900˚ in there) and the clay should set. Let the kids paint their turkeys and use them as centerpieces. What could go wrong?

9. Jell-O

Why have cranberry sauce when your side dish could be jiggling? Bonus points if you have giblet-shaped fruit floating inside the mold.

8. Stuffing

Let’s get one thing straight: Stuffing is far and away the best part of the Thanksgiving meal. It’s a scene-stealing side dish. Turkey gets all the attention though. Give stuffing the starring role it deserves by making it look like the headliner.

7. Ice cream

I mean, it’s ice cream. Do I really need to make the case for ice cream?

6. Butter

People are going to want butter for their mashed potatoes. People are going to want butter for their dinner rolls. People are going to want a giant butter turkey.

5. Fudge

Really pack it in.

4. Ice

Why should fancy gala events be the only places you see ice sculptures? Blow your guests’ minds with a turkey-shaped block of frozen holiday cheer on each and every table.

3. Chicken & Duck Cake Pans

Have you ever had turducken? Well, it’s amazing. Now imagine turkey-shaped cake stuffed with duck-shaped cake stuffed with chicken-shaped cake. Don’t forget to have mutliple flavors of icing in between each layer.

2. Whiskey

Ladle out some heaping servings of SkyMall Monday’s favorite medicine. It will make your family seem a whole lot more tolerable during those extended dinners.

1. Turkey

Let’s get meta. Stuff some ground turkey in there and make a turkey-shaped meatloaf. Throw some turkey meat in a blender and liquify it. Pour that protein shake in the Turkey Cake Pan and bake it until it reconstitutes into solid turkey. Even that sounds better than Tofurkey.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving. Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we’re thankful for all of you great readers with a sense of humor, our fantastic colleagues and editors at Gadling and, of course, SkyMall.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Jumpin Jammerz ACTUAL REVIEW

by Mike Barish on


Last week, SkyMall Monday focused its keen eye on Jumpin Jammerz. As promised, this week we’re bringing you our actual hands-on review of the footed pajamas. We put Jumpin Jammerz through their paces to see if they deserve their place in the SkyMall catalog. Are they as fun as their marketing videos make them out to be? The short answer: No. Are they comfortable? Not unless you enjoy stewing in your own juices. Do they live up to their claim of being the “do anything, wear anywhere” footed pajamas? Why not just watch this video edition of SkyMall Monday to find out.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Jumpin Jammerz

by Mike Barish on

With cold weather rapidly heading our way, it’s time to start thinking about our winter wardrobes again. Down jackets, knit caps and wool socks do the job when we’re outdoors. Sweaters keep us warm at the office (including the SkyMall Monday headquarters). However, when it comes time to sleep, we’re left to burrow into our blankets to stay warm. Why aren’t we wearing pajamas? As children, we wore pajamas to bed and it made sense. They were warm, comfortable and absorbed the various liquids that the human body leaks while at rest. Sadly, as adults, we typically eschew proper pajamas for old t-shirts, sweatpants or, for the whores, nudity [Author’s note: This is what we in the industry call “a joke.” I, too, sleep in the nude and am not a whore. A sense of humor goes a long way towards enjoying this column, folks]. That leads to cold nights and damp sheets. It seems to me that our departure from pajamas is some kind of evolutionary mistake. Our ancestors wore animal skins for warmth. They also had there own luxuriously thick body hair to retain heat. Now, we shave and wax off our hair and use our best animal skins for luxury car seats. Our priorities are all out of whack and we’re going to freeze to death in our sleep because of our vanity. I say it’s high time we returned to our pajama roots. Thankfully, SkyMall knows and understands our needs. That’s why they sell Jumpin Jammerz fleece footed pajamas for adults.Even people who do wear pajamas typically wear some plaid pants and, at best, a t-shirt. That leaves their feet grossly uncovered. What’s that you say? Socks keep your feet warm at night? First of all, people who sleep in socks are most likely serial killers or freaks. That’s a fact. Look it up. Second of all, socks can slide off at night, exposing your feet to winter chills that can become pneumonia and kill you. It happens. Look that up too. Footed pajamas keep your feet warm and keep your body heat circulating throughout your pajamas like a rotisserie oven.

Think that blankets can keep you warm at night? Believe that adults look ridiculous in footed pajamas? Well, you pay your heating bills while the rest of us read the product description:

Undeniably cute and yet boasts a playful pajama attitude that can suit everyone. The do anything, wear anywhere — Footed Pajamas.

While I know that you are undeniably cute (all of my readers are), I’ve always felt that you’ve lacked that playful pajama attitude required to earn that promotion/find a mate/survive a nuclear holocaust. Also, lest you think that Jumpin Jammerz fleece footed pajamas were solely for the home, rest assured that these can be worn “anywhere.” Finally, a pajama fit for the office, dinner party or funeral.

Rather than curl up and die with the rest of the freezing pajama-less masses, fleece up in some Jumpin Jammerz so that you can live to share the oral history of your people for generations to come.

And yes, I recall that I might have mocked Jumpin Jammerz in 2008’s SkyMall Monday Holiday Gift Guide. After writing this week’s SkyMall Monday, re-reading my gift guide review and remembering that even the CEO of SkyMall has purchased herself a pair, I felt as though I owed it to Mr. and Mrs. Jammerz to try out their product. So, next week’s SkyMall Monday will be an actual review of Jumpin Jammerz. Things are going to get sweaty.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Lasagna Pan Battle

by Mike Barish on
Cold weather has begun to hit the East Coast, where SkyMall Monday is headquartered. While walking the dogs this morning, I actually donned a knit cap and cursed the decision to leave my gloves at home. This can mean only one thing: It’s comfort food season. With Thanksgiving just around the corner (or still visible in the rear view mirror for our Canadian friends), we’re gearing up for that magical time of year when carbs are king and starch is the star. Cold weather requires adding some meat to your bones (yes, vegetarians, you’re made of meat – deal with it) and there may be no better food for that than lasagna. The combination of noodles, sauce, cheese, more cheese, some cheese and meat (or vegetables – geez) fills you up and helps you hibernate through those frosty nights. Thankfully, SkyMall knows that making lasagna can be a chore. They want to make carbo loading easy and fun. But, how do you choose which SkyMall lasagna pan to buy. Well, you turn to SkyMall Monday’s Lasagna Pan Battle. It’s the Edge Simple Lasagna Pan versus the Lasagna Trio Pan. Two pans enter. One pan wins.

This isn’t our first SkyMall Battle rodeo. Previously, we saw the Edge Brownie Pan (the Edge Simple Lasagna Pan’s sister) best the Giant Cupcake Pan in a dessert battle. This time, however, we’re getting savory. Which lasagna pan will earn the SkyMall Monday endorsement? Grab some noodles and fill the bathtub with ricotta. It’s go time.

Practicality

The Edge Simple Lasagna Pan operates on the principle that no one likes mushy heaps of messy lasagna. The Lasagna Trio Pan is a people pleaser that allows everyone to be satisfied by a lasagna of their choosing. While it’s nice to have pretty rectangles of lasagna, it’s best to keep all your guests happy by making a variety of lasagna options.

Advantage: Lasagna Trio Pan

Ease of Use

The Edge Simple Lasagna Pan has easy to grip handles. The Lasagna Trio Pan has a wide lip to grab. So, you won’t be dropping either of these pans when they are hot. However, you may run into problems when figuring out how long to keep the Lasagna Trio Pan in the oven. With different ingredients in each trough, cook times may vary (especially if you have meat in one and vegetables in another). The Edge Simple Lasagna Pan cooks evenly throughout since the ingredients are uniform.

Advantage: Edge Simple Lasagna Pan

Related Products

We’re well-versed in the Edge Simple Lasagna Pan’s sweet sibling, the Edge Brownie Pan. It’s fantastic. Well, SkyMall does sell the Lasagna Trio Pan’s brother from the same mother parent company, the Meatball Baker. I love meatballs. However, meatballs can be made in a pan. Or baked. Or started in a pan and finished in the oven. Who needs a Meatball Baker (and don’t argue that no one needs a lasagna pan – that’s nonsense)? The Edge Brownie Pan defeats all.

Advantage: Edge Simple Lasagna Pan

Price

I’ll be brutally honest here: Both of these lasagna pans are expensive pieces of kitchen equipment. People have been tightening their belts lately (and then loosening them after dinner for comfort), so price has to be a key factor. The Edge Simple Baking Pan normally retails for $49.99 but is currently on sale for only $39.99 on SkyMall. The Lasagna Trio Pan is $79.95 (though it is way cheaper on Amazon).

Advantage: Push – This is a SkyMall column, so the Trio’s SkyMall price has to be considered but it’s nice to see it cheap elsewhere.

Lids

Neither one of these pans includes a lid. WTF?! No one finishes an entire batch of lasagna in one sitting and foil can only do so much. Who do you have to massage to get a lid around here?

Advantage: Failure Push

Well, after battling it out, the Edge Simple Lasagna Pan just barely squeaks out a 2-1 win (with two pushes). Not a resounding victory by any means. What does it win? Well, just like I did with the Edge Brownie Pan, I will now do an actual hands-on review of the Edge Simple Lasagna Pan. What will become of the Lasagna Trio Pan? Should the Edge Simple Lasagna Pan prove unable to fulfill its duties, the Lasagna Trio Pan will be called upon to step in.

Of course, we’d love to know your thoughts on this pressing SkyMall matter. What say you?

%Poll-55099%

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Cosmetic Teeth

by Mike Barish on

People have long hated going to the dentist. It’s no fun being chastised for your poor flossing habits, having your teeth drilled and drooling on yourself the rest of the day while the Novocaine wears off. That’s why people so often put off trips to the dentist. Add in people losing their health benefits because of the recession and proper oral care has fallen by the wayside. These poor habits are not without consequences. Gums recede. Your breath smells like the monkey house at the zoo. Finally, your teeth begin to fall out. Even more frightening than the dentist is the oral surgeon. Dental restoration is a long and painful process. The alternative, however, is wedging candy corn into your mouth and telling people that you got a deal on some gold teeth. Well, now there’s an affordable and trustworthy solution for those of you who have neglected your mouths. SkyMall, the people who brought us such useful health care products as the NECKpro Traction Device, Noseaid and the Night Sweat Alarm, comes the next big thing in the growing field of home dentistry. SkyMall Monday is excited to share SkyMall’s latest offering: Cosmetic Teeth.We’d all love the opportunity to have a movie star smile. However, cosmetic surgery is out of reach for most of us working stiffs. Thankfully, this DIY solution is perfect for people who love to do things with their own two hands. A great smile breeds confidence and can lead to job offers, requests for dates and the ability to chew solid foods. All the more reason to roll up your sleeves and shove your hands in your mouth for a little self improvement.

Think that dental procedures are best left to licensed professionals? Believe that you deserve more nitrous oxide? Well, while you tgo to your fancy shmancy dentist, everybody else will read the product description:

Stop worrying about what people will think of your teeth. Smile at pretty girls again…Once fitted (which can be done, by yourself, at home) they snap onto your upper teeth for a secure fit, yet remove easily at your discretion. Slip them on for job interviews, pictures, or whenever you need a boost of confidence. No adhesives are used, just your own natural bite.

No more wasting your time smiling at just the ugly girls! Rather than leaving your new teeth in your mouth all the time and running the risk of getting bored with them, you can slip them on only when you need that confidence boost while eating corn on the cob. And since your natural bite holds them in place, you’ll appear stoic and mysterious when you keep your mouth closed during conversations.

Shockingly, SkyMall does not permit returns if you are dissatisfied with this product, so make sure you really want these $40 fake teeth before ordering them from an in-flight catalog. Though I highly doubt that you’ll regret this purchase.

Take a bite out of your low self-esteem with these Cosmetic Teeth!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.