SkyMall Monday: Travel Writer Favorites

by Mike Barish on

Gadling’s “SkyMall Monday” feature recently turned one year old. That means it’s finally eating solid foods, sporting a luxurious head of hair and wetting itself constantly. It’s been a heck of a year for SkyMall Monday, and I’ve met a lot of great people along the way (including one very special friend). Sharing my love of SkyMall with others and hearing about their experiences with every traveler’s guilty pleasure has kept me laughing during many long layovers.

In that spirit, to kick off Gadling’s month-long celebration of SkyMall Monday, I asked several travel writers to write about their favorite SkyMall products. The hard part wasn’t getting them to participate. No, it was getting them to select just one product about which to gush. Who knew people loved SkyMall so much? Well, you and I did. Duh! So, below you will find the SkyMall wish list of some of the best travel writers around. And in italics you will find my review of their selections. Hey, I still run this joint.
Robert Reid (Lonely Planet US Travel Editor & blogger) – I’m charmed by the King Tut Life-Sized Cabinet (pictured above) for a variety of reasons. One, knowledge comes from prying open the past, some say, and this case it’s literal. But also for its description, which begins, “Measuring taller than most men (6 1/4 feet).” This is wonderful — for its unusual use of fraction, but also because SkyMall simply understands that when I buy $850 furnishings I make my considerations solely in how they compare… with men. Robert also demands that he sit in that throne everywhere he travels.

David Farley (Author of An Irreverent Curiosity and freelancer) – I don’t have a truck–or even a car–to properly display the Truck Antlers, but if I ever do, I would totally buy these. I love the idea of turning my automobile into an antlered animal. I’d just make sure I don’t drive through states with loose gun laws or anywhere near Dick Cheney’s house. I’d don’t love the idea of being hunted by some gun-toting nut. Oddly, David’s failure to own a truck has not prevented him from owning multiple Animated Hitch Critters.

Jen Leo (Lead blogger for the Los Angeles Times Travel Blog) – The Noise Canceling Safety Earmuffs are my dream gift. Not to cancel out the noise from the screaming kid next to me on the plane-ahem, mine-but to shut out the flight attendant screaming “Please stay seated – the fasten seat belt light is on!” as I race past her to change the poopy diaper of my tot which is clearly causing more turbulence in our aisle than the pilot’s fine driving. How intense are your child’s bowel movements that your diaper situations require industrial-strength noise cancellation? Does Gerber make three-bean chili tacos now?


Spud Hilton (Travel Editor for the San Francisco Chronicle) – It was a tough choice, but I finally went with the Shirtpocket Underwater Camera. Not only does it have 4X zoom and 115 minutes of continuous operation, but my shirtpocket keeps going underwater and I never have a video camera to capture those precious moments. Two things worth noting: this thing takes voice memos and Spud’s second choice was the Underwater Cell Phone System. Conclusion: Spud Hilton is a merman.

Nicole Lerner, Alexi Ueltzen, Amy Widdowson & Victoria Gutierrez (Staff at NileGuide) – The ladies of NileGuide want a Custom Inflatable Costume. Why? Because no one dresses up to travel anymore. Who wouldn’t want to sport an outfit like this? 7.5′ tall, inflatable and it comes with a built-in backpack power pack. That $2k price tag is just pennies compared to the joy of “familiarizing the public” with Yoplait…or NileGuide. We’re sporting one of these for next year’s Bay to Breakers. Reminds me of when I was a kid and my imaginary best friend was an anthropomorphic container of cottage cheese. I miss Curdis ever so much.

Jim Benning (Co-founder and editor of World Hum) – My dream product is the SlumberSleeve. We’ve all used our arms as pillows at one time or another, but SkyMall knows we can do better! One of the user comments really sells me on it: “Although I tend to be fairly capable when it comes to assembly, I am still trying to figure out how to stretch the fabric “wristband” over the support piece.” I wrote about the SlumberSleeve in December 2008. I guess Jim and I could have a slumber (sleeve) party and wear our PJs.

George Hobica (Founder of Airfarewatchdog and Gadling contributor) – The Shure Se530 Luxury Earphones block out noisy fellow passengers and the sound quality is superb. And they’re lightweight and easy to pack. Leave it to the guy that finds us the best deals in travel to actually pick a sane, useful and high-quality product from the SkyMall catalog. But I’m sure he meant to recommend these much more logical Pillow Speakers.

Alexander Basek (Best deals reporter at Travel + Leisure and freelancer) – I pick the Wine and Liquor Accelerator. Traditionally, it is my understanding that once you open wine, “aging” it turns into vinegar. Still, I hope they keep this magic machine hush hush from the folks at Macallan. Alex likes his wine like I like my women: young and tart. Hey-o!

Andrew Evans (Writer for National Geographic Intelligent Travel) – My dream SkyMall product is the authentic Indiana Jones Leather Bullwhip. Currently, my persona as a travel writer suffers from not having such a whip as part of my ensemble. This special edition SkyMall “gift” would come in handy from Patagonia to Berlin and as an added bonus, I would gain the attention of bored TSA agents who would unsuccessfully attempt to confiscate my new fashion accessory. Truth be told, Andrew’s persona as a travel writer suffers less for his lack of a whip and more for his insistence on wearing this heating pad at all times.

Great selections by these seasoned travelers. Not as good as the ones I find every week, but you don’t become a highly respected, sought-after expert in all things SkyMall overnight. Which writer do you think picked the best product? What tops your SkyMall wish list? Let us know in the comments.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Travel Bidet

by Mike Barish on

Everyone experiences lulls at their job. Work is not always as rewarding as we want it to be. But, from time to time, something happens that reinvigorates us. Something that energizes and excites us about what we do for a living and makes us proud again. I’m experiencing such a resurgence this week. Why? Well, this week’s SkyMall Monday may be the most important ever. Because this week we’re featuring a product that every single person needs to own. A product that may very well solve all of our problems. A product that will cleanse us from the inside out. Yes, my friends, SkyMall once again will purify us and allow us to tackle any obstacle that life puts in our way. I love my job again, people, because I get to share this fantastic information with you. Information that will hit us with a blast of cool, refreshing and disinfecting energy. So, take a seat. Or, even better, squat. Because this week we’re taking a long hard look at the Sanicare Travel Bidet.
We all know how to wipe our own asses (at least I hope so because I shake a lot of hands everyday). But are we really getting clean? I mean, the French clean up using bidets and who are more well known for their hygiene than the French? But a large porcelain plumbing fixture is too cumbersome to take with you. So, how can you inject some water into your filthy backdoor when you’re out and about? Well, just take a look at that picture up there and I think you’ll realize that all of our problems have been solved.

Once again I will rely solely on the product description. The clever plays on words, quotation mark usage and wealth of information will surely convince you that you need this product:

Enjoy the confidence of the fresh and clean feeling of a cleansing bidet wherever you “go”.

See what they did there? Yeah, I’m talking about putting the period outside of the quotation marks. Idiots.

Your Travel Bidet is ready to go, just open the box and install the included AA battery, then when you are ready to use it… “just add water”.

Do I really add water or are the quotation marks insinuating some sort of innuendo?

Traveling means a lot of compromising and unexpected changes from our daily routine. Changes in eating habits, fluid intake, schedules and personal hygiene all affect our comfort level, which can affect our performance and self-confidence in important business and social functions.

And perhaps no change is more unexpected than your new habit of keeping a travel bidet in your briefcase.

Finally, we can all have damp asses and awkward conversations with airport security. It’s about time we as a people cleaned up our acts. And now we can with dignity and pride.

So, if you want to love your job as much as I love mine, start taking a travel bidet with you to work everyday. It may just be the second best injection of liquid into your person you experience all day.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Portable Microwave

by Mike Barish on

When I’m toiling away in the SkyMall Monday headquarters, I tend to cook a lot. From burritos to tacos to quesadillas, I enjoy preparing a wide array of ethnic foods. But when I travel, I often crave those tastes of home. Unfortunately, cooking on the road can pose a real challenge. At home I have all of my gadgets, like a freezer to hold my Hot Pockets and microwave to heat up said pockets to the appropriate hotness. Surely I cannot travel with a microwave. It’s not like I own a spaceship or K.I.T.T. The last thing I want to do when I travel is rely solely on roadside eateries, because, as you can tell from my cooking expertise, I treat my body like a temple. So, how can I whip up my favorite meals when I’m away from home? This sounds like a job for SkyMall! And, of course, our favorite catalog has the solution. My fellow connoisseurs of rapidly cooked cuisine, I present to you the Portable Microwave Oven!
Finally, I can enjoy chewy pizza, faux-buttered popcorn and off-colored vegetables in my boat, motel room, or even in my car! Now, normally I do my best to convince you how awesome these products are, but the Portable Microwave’s product description is so amazing, that I we’re going to get right to it.

Take it away, SkyMall:

The microwave plugs into a wall outlet, a car or boat’s DC outlet, or connects to a car battery (jumper cables provided), allowing you to make popcorn or reheat food at campsites, tailgate parties, or during boating excursions.

Jumper cables included? What could possibly go wrong by rigging a radiation device to jumper cables?

The 10″ wide by 7″ deep interior easily accommodates a salad plate or soup bowl, and the microwave has three preset buttons (pizza, coffee, and popcorn) or you can enter the cooking time in minutes and seconds.

Mmmm, microwaved coffee just like Juan Valdez used to make. And I am so thrilled that it accommodates salad bowls, as I love nothing more than some hot, wilted lettuce after a long day on the road. Hot salad is what got the first pioneers across the American West. Well, that and some cannibalism.

Campfires are for suckers and grills are so last century. I need my food now and I need it smoldering on the inside while cold on the outside.

So, if you like scalding your mouth (and nuking your testicles) while doing 75mph down Route 66, then stop using your hot pot in your El Camino and step up to the Portable Microwave Oven.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Powerlung

by Mike Barish on

I am not what many would call fit. Sure, I look thin enough. I go hiking and kayaking and, on occasion, I even drink juice. I do leave the SkyMall Monday headquarters from time to time to burn a calorie or two. But I also sweat when I get out of bed. I get winded taking the elevator. And I like my ham wrapped in bacon. In other words, I’m your typical American. So, I recently decided that I need to improve my health. But I also decided that I wanted to do so while in a seated position. And I want took as weird as possible. That is, after all, the American way. Rather than do crunches or push-ups or change my diet, I want to to just blow. Whoa, whoa whoa. Get your mind out of the gutter. There’s a way for me improve my health, stay seated and look like a complete jackass. Yes, SkyMall has given me the gift of Powerlung.

Finally, I can improve my cardiovascular health and my French kissing skills. My lung capacity will improve while I sit on my ass. What could be more amazingly American? Stationary exercise. It’s a beautiful thing.

Don’t believe that such a weirdly American contraption can improve your lungs and your life? Maybe you’re the one that blows. If you don’t want to suck, check out the product description:

What makes PowerLung different from the other products? The most important difference is PowerLung is the ONLY product available that will improve the muscles that support your lungs for both INHALING and EXHALING all in the same breath.

Inhaling and exhaling? That’s, like, all of the breathing! Now I can eat my pork, wear my stained sweatpants and be all the American that I can be. So, breathe easier, America. You, too, can be healthy and unhealthy simultaneously. And have your mouth taste like plastic.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Hidden Litter Box

by Mike Barish on

It’s confession time: I hate cats. Well, hate is a strong word. I just don’t understand cats. They seem completely ambivalent about my presence, selfish and they pee indoors. Dogs go outside like civilized animals. Cats defecate indoors in a box. That’s simply not natural. I can’t have the SkyMall Monday headquarters smelling like feline pee and poop. But, I understand that some people are lonely, have given up on the prospect of human relationships and have acquired any number of cats to keep them company on Saturday nights during Real Housewives of Atlanta marathons. And those people may want to hide the shame of having become someone who wears sweatpants in public, buys ice cream in bulk and gives her cats names like Sir Francis Snugglesworth and Purrack Obama.* Those people need to gussy up their homes and try to hide the fact that the inmates cats have taken over the asylum. And to those people, SkyMall says, “Yes we can…hide your cat poop.” This week, we take a closer look at the Hidden Litter Box.

For years, people have hidden their cats’ litter boxes in the bathroom, the kitchen or a spare bedroom. They’d provide their cats with privacy and keep the smell and the fecal matter in lesser-trafficked areas of their homes. And while these solutions may have kept the litter boxes out of sight, they lacked two things: the art of deception and a fake plant.

What fun is hiding your cat’s little box if you’re not doing it like some kind of super spy? The Hidden Litter Box is like James Bond’s litter box. In fact, I bet 007 has one for Octopussycat. And what home isn’t made less depressing by a fake plant that smells oddly like cat pee?

Think I’m meowing up the wrong tree? Well, take a gander at the product description:

With its Tuscany handfinish, our new litter box looks like a real clay pot, complete with an attractive, artificial decorator plant. Simply turn the entrance to the wall and no one will know (if your cat doesn’t tell)!

See, it even works with loose-lipped talking cats! Beat that with your “I keep my cat’s little box in the laundry room.”

So, tell Meowington von Catburt IV to keep his mouth shut and start peeing in the flower pot and then get back to eating Swiss Miss packets with a spoon, because the Hidden Flower pot is your new only friend.

* If your cat’s name is actually Purrack Obama, I’ll admit that you’re kind of awesome.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.