SkyMall Monday: SkyMall Kitties

by Mike Barish on


We’ve covered a lot of SkyMall contraptions here at Gadling. And, while many of those products have improved the lives of our furry friends, we’ve never been able to truly capture the essence of SkyMall’s relationship with animals. Now, however, the video above does that for us. SkyMall Kitties, created by Nina Katchadourian, is the best use of the internet ever.

It’s rare that we encounter someone who loves SkyMall as much as we do. But this week, SkyMall Monday is honored, excited and a wee bit giddy to profile not a product, but a person whose singular passion has enriched our lives. Nina, an artist based in Brooklyn, NY, produced the song and video that pay tribute to the cats of SkyMall. Needless to say, she has a place at the SkyMall Monday table anytime she chooses to join us.

And join us she did, for an exclusive interview. You’ve seen the video on other sites, but only Gadling spoke with Nina about SkyMall Kitties, her favorite SkyMall products and the unheard voices of SkyMall Puppies.How does one become inspired to write a song about the kittens of SkyMall?
First, you develop a compulsive travel habit, almost superstitious in character, which dictates that you have to flip through every single page of the SkyMall catalog each time you get on a plane. Second, you have to wind up on a lot of planes as part of your profession, which I do-I’m a visual artist, and I travel quite a bit for exhibitions and lectures.

Have you always been a fan of the catalog?
“Fan” might not be quite the right word. “Stalker” might be more accurate. I’ve been taking issues from the seat pocket in front of me for nearly a decade.

You’re amongst friends now. We share your compulsion. But, what do you actually do for a living?
I lead a few different lives. First and foremost, I’m a visual artist working in a lot of different media, including photography, sculpture, sound and video. I also lead a sort of sub-life playing music and play in a band called The Wingdale Community Singers based in Brooklyn. I also work part-time running a program for emerging artists called The Viewing Program at a great museum called The Drawing Center in New York.

The video is obviously very pro-cat. Do you own any felines?
Three of them, in fact: Sardine, Stickies, and Minimus, who appear in that order in the “Mount Rushmore” sequence of “Sky Mall Kitties.” The fourth cat on Mount Rushmore is Ellington, who belongs to a friend.

You’re shameless with your cat plugs. More importantly, do you own any SkyMall products?
Can’t say I do, although for a long time I’ve coveted that wedge thing that lets you lie down without having to smush your face into the floor when someone gives you a back rub. [Author’s Note: Nina is referring to the SkyRest Travel Pillow, which SkyMall Monday has covered in the past and I continue to test regularly.]

So is that your favorite SkyMall product?
I can’t really pick one product, but my favorite product image is probably the one of the guy slumped onto the inflatable pillow on his tray table [Author’s Note: She’s referring to the SkyRest Travel Pillow again and that’s pretty awesome.]. It looks so ridiculous, yet every time I’m on a long flight I secretly wish I had one, no matter how dumb it looks. I am also in mourning over a picture that doesn’t appear the same way it used to. It advertises a product that allows you to connect two beds in order to make one big bed. [Author’s Note: She’s now referring to the very awesome Create-a-King Bed Doubler.] They still have the picture, but they changed the caption. The caption used to read, “Together forever…or only for one night.” It was so romantic.

Let’s go back to the song and video. Do you feel bad for saying that one of the dogs looks like a seal?
Absolutely not. That is a factual statement, so I am cold-blooded about it: that dog DOES look like a seal. Nothing wrong with seals. Nothing wrong with dogs, either, I should say; the condescending anti-dog viewpoint of SkyMall Kitties reflects the views of the SkyMall Kitties themselves, not those of the maker of the song or video.

Speaking of dogs, will there be a SkyMall Puppies response?
I am crossing my fingers someone takes that up.

If people take away one important lesson from SkyMall Kitties, what would you most like them to learn?
I’d like people to realize that even when you are incredibly bored on an airplane, you can put that time into making something that can make a lot of people happy for just a few moments. Lots of “wasted time” can be an opportunity to pull from the mundane world around you and extract something of interest or value.

At the end of the day, do you believe that the SkyMall Kitties are happy?
We raise our voices and celebrate them in joyful song, but the SkyMall Kitties are actually a bit bored, disgruntled, and disdainful of those around them, like someone who has been on a long flight and is ready to land.

Very special thanks to Nina Katchadourian for producing SkyMall Kitties and for taking the time to talk to Gadling. Nina has made the song available for download here (for a $1 fee – totally worth it). You can learn more about Nina on her website. Thanks, as well, to Matt Gross, The New York Times’ Frugal Traveler, who alerted us to SkyMall Kitties via Twitter. If you’re a Twitter user, you can and should follow @frugaltraveler. Hat tip to The Awl, who appear to have posted the video before anyone else.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Sling Couture Arm Sling

by Mike Barish on

Remember when you were young and broke your arm and everyone signed your cast? It almost made falling off that jungle gym worth it to have everyone you knew come over to autograph that itchy plaster on your arm. Sure, you ended up with a pale, shriveled limb and a pretty boring summer, but that cast made you popular. Well, adulthood is less conducive to enjoying a cast. As an adult, you have meetings, social obligations and dress codes. It’s hard to attend black tie functions with a bright white cast. And everyone will want to know how you injured yourself. Referencing that jungle gym probably won’t be very plausible. Instead, people will be questioning your decision to make a go at being a professional arm wrestler. But what if you could conceal your busted wing and look fabulous doing it? This week, SkyMall Monday features an accessory that no klutz or failed armed wrestler should be without. SkyMall knows that just because your health is bad doesn’t mean that you can’t look good. And that’s why everyone with a broken arm and an elitist social calendar needs the Sling Couture Arm Sling.Sure, you could wear a plain black sling, but it would lack panache. It would be devoid of flair. It would be bereft of style. And you’re better than that. You need a sling that’s covered in sequins. You know the saying “if you look good, you’ll feel good?” Well, let that good feeling help your arm heal. Sure, the pins and screws and immobilization will go along way towards fusing those bones back together, but narcissism is the best medicine. Rather than asking you about your injury or last place finished in the Tri-County Arm Wrestling Pro-Am, your friends will be wondering how they can break their arms and look as good as you.

Think that bedazzling your ulna isn’t that humorous? Then you don’t get good skeleton jokes. But, make no bones about it, this product is a must for anyone with a broken arm. Just take a look at the product description:

Heal properly in greater comfort, and look good while doing it…When you look better, you will feel better!

Didn’t I just say that? Now you’ve read that theory twice…on the internet…so it’s doubly true!

So, whether you fell off of a jungle gym, sucked at arm wrestling or were thrown down a flight of stairs by Ray Pruit, heal in style with the Sling Couture Arm Sling. Your arm may be broken, but your dignity (and fashion sense) will still be intact. And that’s really all that matters.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Cat Toilet Training System

by Mike Barish on

For some reason, despite the fact that I don’t like cats, feline products get a lot of attention from SkyMall Monday. We’ve featured a litter box and a talking food bowl. But this week, we’re tackling a problem that has long flummoxed cat owners. You see, cats already act like they own their homes. They’re aloof, ambivalent and seem to genuinely enjoy watching humans scoop up their feces. It’s that last issue that sticks out the most. How can they truly be the heads of their households when they can’t even clean up after themselves? In order for cats to completely evolve into our furry overlords, they’ll need to stop pooping in litter boxes and start using toilets. While it may seem terrifying strange for cats to use toilets, it’s the logical progression towards them dominating and overthrowing their owners. However, cats can’t teach themselves to use the facilities. They’ll need their current “masters’ to assist them. And knowing how insane cat owners really are, I’m certain that they will have no problem being party to their own eventual enslavement. And that’s why they will all be thrilled to discover that SkyMall is ready to help them take the first step towards building making their cats independent. Because SkyMall now offers the Cat Toilet Training System.Cats may lack opposable thumbs and the ability to wipe their own butts, but they have the desire to humiliate their owners and an affinity for licking themselves. And that’s why they’ll take to toilet training like a squirrel takes to underpants. Sure, they’ll need you to open the bathroom door. And to flush the toilet. And to update the issues of Cat Fancy that you keep in the bathroom. But it will all be worth it when you’re twenty minutes late for work because your cat has explosive diarrhea and you couldn’t get into the bathroom to take a shower.

Think that toilets are only for people and thirsty dogs? I bet you don’t even believe that monkeys should be on ice skates. Well, the animal experts over at SkyMall beg to differ.

The best way to deal with the unpleasant task of cleaning out the litter box is to do away with it for good. With the Litter Kwitter 3-Step Cat Toilet Training System, you can teach your cat to use any human toilet in eight weeks or less. The age or weight of your cat doesn’t matter and it works in multiple cat households too.

I suppose that toilet training your cat is a better solution to the litter box issue than hot gluing its anus shut. Though I do fear that young, tiny kittens will fall into the toilet where they will fall prey to abandoned alligators that live in the sewers.

So, in eight weeks, you can finally make yourself completely subservient to your cat. Once he can use the toilet, there will be no stopping him from finding a job of his own, supporting himself and kicking you out of the house. And while being homeless may be tough, at least then you can start pooping wherever you want. Surely some cat will come along and scoop it up.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.


SkyMall Monday: Wrist Cell Phone Carrier

by Mike Barish on

The older we get, the more forgetful we become. How many times have you misplaced your car keys? How often do you walk into a room and have no idea why you did so? If you had a nickle for every time you put your infant daughter on the roof of your car while you unlocked the door and then drove away with her still stashed up there, how rich would you be?

We all forget things from time to time. Whether it’s which pills to take, your own name or your alibi, it’s always embarrassing when your memory fails you. There is perhaps nothing more frustrating than losing your cellphone. You could try calling it but it’s often your only phone. You can have a friend call it, but you won’t hear it because you probably also forgot your hearing aid. Eventually, you just have to curl up in a ball and wait for the cold hand of death to reach you.

Well, not anymore! Now, SkyMall has decided that lost cellphones are a problem that can no longer be tolerated. This scourge must be thwarted. Rather than rummaging through your purse, checking your couch cushions and using a jeweler’s eye to inspect your dog’s anal cavity, you’ll always know exactly where your cellphone is. It’s strapped to your wrist in the Wrist Cell Phone Carrier.Who knew that your wrist could prove so useful? Sure, you could place your cellphone in your pocket, purse or, if you’re a middle-aged white man, on your belt, but that would only be moderately convenient. You’re a person on the go and need your phone constantly at the ready. Pockets are linty. Purses are filled with tampons and crumpled up tissues that look used but that your mother insists are clean. And those holsters just make you look like a douchebag. Clearly, the wrist is the only place to store your cellphone safely and with class.

Think that wrists are only for watches and masturbating? Well, does SkyMall have news for you. Take a look at the product description:

This innovative accessory uses sturdy Velcro to insure the safety of your phone and has been extensively tested by active joggers, cyclists, skate boarders, fishermen, hunters and business people.

Is there anything more innovative than Velcro? Plus, apparently it provides insurance, which is something that even the President and Congress are having difficulty doing. I only wish we knew how race walkers felt about it.

What a relief that we’ll never have to worry about losing our cellphones again. Now we can focus all our energy on remembering, um, to, er, what was I going to say? Shoot. Cellphones…memory…then I wanted to tell you to…uh…pick up milk…take the blue pill…dang it. Whatever. Just get the Wrist Cell Phone Carrier and you can call your spouse. Lord knows that they’ll remind you of everything you forgot.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.


SkyMall Monday: Urine Gone

by Mike Barish on

You might not think that writing about SkyMall is very extreme. But I’m constantly dodging marshmallows, defending my lawn ornaments and hiding from biker gangs. The adrenaline rushes are frequent and intense. And while my SkyMall gadgets make my life comfortable and easy, they’ve also made me a bit of a wuss. Thanks to SkyMall, I’m too relaxed. I’m scared of my own shadow. And that means that every sound startles me. Every challenge seems daunting. And every person appears threatening. When your life is cushy and easy, everything new or different becomes extreme. And extreme becomes frightening. And frightening becomes terrifying. Sadly, I don’t handle fear very well. As such, I pee my pants…a lot. With every bump in the night, I get another puddle on my rug. And trust me, when it rains it pours. Since I can’t expect the rest of the world to calm down and take it easy on me, I have learned to adapt to how extreme everything out there is. That’s why I treat the symptom and not the disease (well, that and therapy is really expensive). Now, when things get intense and I get damp, I simply whip out my Urine Gone.Urine Gone is the answer to my prayers. Now, I can wet my pants, my rugs and my friends without consequence. I simply pee wherever my rapidly beating heart desires and then Urine Gone it away once I’ve stopped crying and come out from under the bed (Author’s note: under the bed is a super hiding spot). I simply locate the pee with the included blacklight (yes, you read that correctly) and the Urine Gone treats the stain and the asparagus smell (just because I pee my pants a lot doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop eating healthy).

Think that wearing a diaper would be a more effective solution? I think I’d look pretty stupid wearing a diaper. Besides, a diaper can’t handle the vast amount of urine that escapes my body when I’m scared. And Urine Gone is way more fun than wearing a diaper. Just take a look at the product description:

A UV black light detects the source – the cleaner removes stains and odors! Just darken the room–the black light makes stains glow.

Who doesn’t want to see their pee glow? Finding the glowing urine becomes a game that’s fun for the entire family!

So, the next time that life gets too extreme for you and you find yourself soaked in your own filth, don’t fret. Because urine comes and urine goes, but hiding under your bed is fun forever.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.