SkyMall Monday: InstaCloth & the horrible videos it inspires

I’ve written about hundreds of SkyMall products and probably looked at thousands over the years. Lately, however, I’ve also been scouring YouTube for videos of the products. You see, I find video demonstrations of SkyMall products to be mesmerizingly awful. Never, though, have I been so enraptured by the videos for one product as I was this week while researching my next SkyMall Monday review. While I was unable to find any official video produced by either the manufacturer or the good people at SkyMall, I was very pleased to discover three unofficial videos that serve to educate, entertain and perplex viewers. So, this week, rather than enduring my ramblings about a SkyMall gadget, I encourage you to sit back, relax and allow those who are more intimately familiar with the product show you how to use InstaCloth.OK, first some necessary background courtesy of the product description:

No washcloth in your hotel room? No problem. Just splash a little water on these 1″ diameter tablets and they unfold into full-sized disposable white wash cloths.

If there’s no washcloth in your hotel room, I question whether you might have tried a little too hard to save money on your accommodations. And frankly, when I add water to something, I want it to become a dinosaur.

But, I digress. This post is about the videos. To start things off, let’s see a demo of InstaCloth hosted by a monotone gentleman who has no idea how to emote when something is “amazing.”

Well, that was informative but entirely too well lit. What if some presumably high teenagers demonstrated the product in a basement during a blackout?

That towel will come in handy when the flashlight dies, that kid trips over his bong and needs a sling for his broken arm.

Lastly, all SkyMall products need to be tasted to be believed. Surely that’s why this girl popped an InstaCloth into her mouth like it was a Mento.

I think it’s best if we just pretend as if that video never happened…and that InstaCloth doesn’t exist.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

35 Best U.S. beaches for Summer

Coast Guard Beach, Massachusetts.

Coast Guard Beach, Massachusetts.

Summer is fast approaching. Where are you going to spend your vacation? How about visiting one of our country’s many fantastic beach locations? Bring your lover or family, a bathing suit, sun lotion, a blanket and a picnic basket, and you are all set for a romantic get-away or a relaxing family get-together on one of these magnificent sandy stretches.

Delray Beach, Florida

Delray boasts a great family-friendly stretch of sand, with youngsters playing Frisbee games and teens surfing the waves. Enjoy the well-preserved dunes and the warm, snow-white sand and comforting turquoise water. After a day on the beach, take a stroll in the European-style town and dine at the sidewalk bistros.

Mexico Beach, Florida

Mexico Beach is located on Florida’s panhandle …

United to receive heavy fine for towel stuffed in engine

US Airways and United Airlines both stand to receive multi-million dollar fines from the FAA for maintenance violations.

US Airways’ violations include failing to inspect cargo doors and landing gear on a few plans and for failing to perform routine checks on dozen of others. US Airways responded quickly to the news, saying that the violations stem from the integration of their maintenance systems back from October 2008 to January of 2009, and that they are working on addressing the issues. The airline could be fined up to $5.4 million. This is the isn’t the first time US Airways has been fined this year either. In January, they were fined for violating rules involving oversold flights.

United’s violation is perhaps more troubling. The airline faces a $3.8 million fine for a single incident. In April 2008, a Boeing 737 returned to Denver after its engine shut down with low oil pressure. When the engine was inspected, two shop towels were inside. The towels “had been used to cover openings in the oil sump area” instead of the regulation caps. The towels were believed to have been there since December 2007, when maintenance was performed on the engine. This sounds terrifying, but according to the Cranky Flier website, it isn’t quite as scary as it sounds. The caps are only used during maintenance and then removed.

But still, the FAA is taking the incident seriously. “As a result of United’s failure to follow its maintenance procedures. . .it flew the aircraft on more than 200 revenue flights when it was not in an airworthy condition,” the FAA said in a statement.

[via ABC News Denver]

SkyMall Monday: Genuine Turkish Wrap

I love the beach (yes, I do leave the SkyMall Monday headquarters from time to time). When I’m not admiring my Alien Gnome Bandits or towing my nieces in a shoe-shaped raft, you can find me relaxing on the beach with a good book, some sweet tunes and the tiniest bathing suit I can find [Note: I have photos of me in said bathing suit, but Gadling’s editors threatened me with great bodily harm if I included them in this post]. The problem with my tiny bathing suit, though, is that it has no pockets. Sure, I could wear my denim cutoffs, but denim just doesn’t breath. So, what is a man in a tiny bathing suit supposed to do with his Chapstick, sunscreen, keys, iPhone, water, magazine, book and other accessories. Use a backpack, you say? And get tan lines from the straps? Would I be wearing a banana hammock if I didn’t care about tan lines? Geez! No, I need something that is comfortable, is made for the beach and will keep my valuables snug (just like my mankini does). Only one thing could solve a problem of such epic magnitude: SkyMall. And wouldn’t you know it, our favorite catalog has just the product for this conundrum. Everybody, I’d like you to meet the Genuine Turkish Wrap.

Finally, someone has made a towel with pockets. And it has snaps to keep it secure so that I only show off my budgie smugglers when I’m ready for the sun. It’s like a towel and a skirt had a baby and that baby was a boy! Think my analogy is weak? Well, Ivan Drago thought America was weak and how’d that turn out? But don’t take a jingoistic film sequel’s word for it. Check out the product description:

While most towels come loose easily and must be constantly re-tied around the body, these wraps fasten in place and are fitted with pouch pockets…into which lip balm, jewelry, sunglasses, suntan lotion, or shampoos can be placed

It fits multiple shampoos! Plural! Beat that with your regular beach towel that holds no shampoos. And the really good news? The product description goes on to say that “one size fits most.” That’s potentially great for you…maybe…it depends…but probably…fingers crossed.

So, rub some zinc on your nose, pour yourself into your tiniest swimsuit and invite the sexiest girl you know (because there is also a Genuine Turkish Wrap for the ladies). We’re going to the beach!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts