SkyMall Monday: Genuine Turkish Wrap

I love the beach (yes, I do leave the SkyMall Monday headquarters from time to time). When I’m not admiring my Alien Gnome Bandits or towing my nieces in a shoe-shaped raft, you can find me relaxing on the beach with a good book, some sweet tunes and the tiniest bathing suit I can find [Note: I have photos of me in said bathing suit, but Gadling’s editors threatened me with great bodily harm if I included them in this post]. The problem with my tiny bathing suit, though, is that it has no pockets. Sure, I could wear my denim cutoffs, but denim just doesn’t breath. So, what is a man in a tiny bathing suit supposed to do with his Chapstick, sunscreen, keys, iPhone, water, magazine, book and other accessories. Use a backpack, you say? And get tan lines from the straps? Would I be wearing a banana hammock if I didn’t care about tan lines? Geez! No, I need something that is comfortable, is made for the beach and will keep my valuables snug (just like my mankini does). Only one thing could solve a problem of such epic magnitude: SkyMall. And wouldn’t you know it, our favorite catalog has just the product for this conundrum. Everybody, I’d like you to meet the Genuine Turkish Wrap.

Finally, someone has made a towel with pockets. And it has snaps to keep it secure so that I only show off my budgie smugglers when I’m ready for the sun. It’s like a towel and a skirt had a baby and that baby was a boy! Think my analogy is weak? Well, Ivan Drago thought America was weak and how’d that turn out? But don’t take a jingoistic film sequel’s word for it. Check out the product description:

While most towels come loose easily and must be constantly re-tied around the body, these wraps fasten in place and are fitted with pouch pockets…into which lip balm, jewelry, sunglasses, suntan lotion, or shampoos can be placed

It fits multiple shampoos! Plural! Beat that with your regular beach towel that holds no shampoos. And the really good news? The product description goes on to say that “one size fits most.” That’s potentially great for you…maybe…it depends…but probably…fingers crossed.

So, rub some zinc on your nose, pour yourself into your tiniest swimsuit and invite the sexiest girl you know (because there is also a Genuine Turkish Wrap for the ladies). We’re going to the beach!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts