SkyMall Monday: You Go Girl!

Going to the bathroom on planes is never pleasant. In fact, doing your business anywhere in public can be nerve-wracking. Many public restrooms smell unpleasant and are filthy. Beyond that, there’s the embarrassment caused by the sounds emanating from our behinds and the ensuing odors created by the gastrointestinal festivities. There’s nothing more awkward than emerging from the stall after a particularly loud and aromatic session to find people at the sinks visibly traumatized by the experience. That’s why we only go number two at SkyMall Monday headquarters. We have a soundproof bathroom built two miles below ground inside a mountain. For those of you who didn’t have your facilities designed by a military contractor, SkyMall has just what you need to keep your bathroom business from becoming a public fiasco. The next time you have to use a public restroom to evacuate your bowels, be sure to bring along some You Go Girl!For those of you who think that women neither pass gas nor defecate, it’s time to grow up. All manner of things come out of women’s bodies and some of those events are more odoriferous than others. Unlike men, women do not celebrate the size, shape and pungency of their fecal trophies. In fact, women feel great shame when their number two is loud and noxious. That’s why they need a concealer.

Think that noises made by bodily functions are normal and healthy? Believe that we’re all mature enough to handle naturally occurring events without embarrassment? Well, while you suffocate in a port-o-potty, we’ll be reading the product description:

Reduce bathroom anxiety on airplanes, restaurants or at work with You Go Girl. Just pour a packet into the toilet before use to mask embarrassing odors, dampen sounds and eliminate splash. Biodegradable, phosphate-free formula is safe to flush, and each packet is small enough to carry discreetly in your purse, day bag or pocket, so you can feel confident taking care of business away from home.

Toilet splash is the 84th leading killer of women in public restrooms*. Eliminating this damp scourge is worth the $12.85 for a 10-pack.

Like you, I was baffled by how such a product could not only eliminate odor, but also dampen sounds and eliminate splash. Thankfully, the company has produced an informational video. Even more thankfully, that video utilizes computer animation. I trust that you will see the brilliance of You Go Girl! Of course, men do not need this product. Our farts sound like Lynyrd Skynyrd and smell like fresh baked apple pie.

* Maybe.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Looking for 2-Story Outhouses?

Here’s a roadside attraction that
could prove quite useful for you and your cohorts on long cross-country drives. I mean, I couldn’t really imagine
looking for a two-story crapper otherwise, but I suppose
outhouse hunting could make a pleasant day activity. Sure. Roadside America directs our attention to towns across the U.S.
duking it out for the World’s Only 2-Story Outhouse. Their insightful look at the various outhouses located in Dover,
Arkansas; Bell Plaine, Minnesota and Gays, Illinois (to name only a few) helps to narrow the claims down into smaller
categories of outhouse fame.

For instance Phelps, NY holds the title for America’s only 2-story brick
outhouse while a historic home in Minnesota has a skyway connecting the upstairs of the outhouse to the house proper,
making it home of the 2-story outhouse. You gotta admit a skyway sounds pretty swanky, eh? If you want to bypass all
the others and go straight for the one with the World’s title go to the Booger Hollow Trading Post in Arkansas, where
upper level seems to be closed off until they figure out plummin’.  Feel free to number one or two in the
"Maw" and "Paw" stations on the ground floor. They’re ah workin’ fine, I reckon.

vist these outhouse landmarks make sure and see Roadside
for directions.