Ever seen your co-worker wearing a purple suit? Or an electric pink skirt? For whatever reasons, bright colors are not part of the fashion vocabulary of most Westerners. We tend to prefer the safety of muted colors like black and grey. Not so in Bhutan. Flickr user andreakw caught this colorful line-up of women in Bhutan celebrating at a local festival. They’re decked out in their kiras, a special style of fabric wrap worn for holidays. Check out the intricate patterns, bright colors and geometric shapes of the cloth. Equally interesting is the solitary woman with the child who stares directly at the camera, drawing the viewer into the scene.
I’m not not usually a spa kind of girl. I like the occasional de-stressing massage, pore-clearing facial or special occasion mani-pedi, but mud baths, seaweed wraps, and caviar scrubs just aren’t for me. Neither are some of the bizarre and ridiculous spa treatments Forbes Traveler has rounded up from across the globe.
A few actually don’t sound that unusual. A wine and honey wrap is supposed to help you sweat out toxins, a goat yogurt facial will help clear your skin, and the cactus puree used in a massage will help reduce the appearance of cellulite. But a few others sound so off-the-wall you have to wonder who would be foolish enough to try them out.
A “cedar enzyme bath” may be a clever name, but really all you’re doing is sitting in a big tub full of sawdust. Why not save yourself a hundred bucks and head down to the gristmill? And, seriously – heated golf-ball massage? I highly doubt there are any magical healing properties contained in a set of microwaved balls.
Treatments involving animals seem equally wrong. I have a fish phobia so I wouldn’t climb into a pool and let hundreds of tiny fish nibble the dead skin off my toes. And can someone please explain to me exactly what the benefits of a “snake massage” are?
And then, for the most absurd of First World problems, there are holistic treatments. Feeling out of whack with the lunar cycle? Try a lunar treatment, which promises to help your body align with the moon. “Virtual dolphin therapy” is equally suspect. As clients watch images of dolphins on tv and listen to sonar sounds in their headphones, hey can hold a sound wave pillow for internal healing.
As the article points out “Now, though it’s considered a luxury in Japan, spreading dehydrated nightingale droppings on your cheeks doesn’t exactly scream ‘beneficial’, but geishas have been looking up at the skies for centuries, and spa owners have taken note.” Wait….so geishas have been looking up at the skies and …what…getting pooped on? No, I think I’ll skip that particular treatment, thank you very much.
I’ve no doubt that certain natural elements can help alleviate pain, relieve stress and improve skin, but that doesn’t mean that all such products should be incorporated into spa treatments. A little common sense should be used when drawing the line between beneficial and, well, birdshit.
I love the beach (yes, I do leave the SkyMall Monday headquarters from time to time). When I’m not admiring my Alien Gnome Bandits or towing my nieces in a shoe-shaped raft, you can find me relaxing on the beach with a good book, some sweet tunes and the tiniest bathing suit I can find [Note: I have photos of me in said bathing suit, but Gadling’s editors threatened me with great bodily harm if I included them in this post]. The problem with my tiny bathing suit, though, is that it has no pockets. Sure, I could wear my denim cutoffs, but denim just doesn’t breath. So, what is a man in a tiny bathing suit supposed to do with his Chapstick, sunscreen, keys, iPhone, water, magazine, book and other accessories. Use a backpack, you say? And get tan lines from the straps? Would I be wearing a banana hammock if I didn’t care about tan lines? Geez! No, I need something that is comfortable, is made for the beach and will keep my valuables snug (just like my mankini does). Only one thing could solve a problem of such epic magnitude: SkyMall. And wouldn’t you know it, our favorite catalog has just the product for this conundrum. Everybody, I’d like you to meet the Genuine Turkish Wrap.
Finally, someone has made a towel with pockets. And it has snaps to keep it secure so that I only show off my budgie smugglers when I’m ready for the sun. It’s like a towel and a skirt had a baby and that baby was a boy! Think my analogy is weak? Well, Ivan Drago thought America was weak and how’d that turn out? But don’t take a jingoistic film sequel’s word for it. Check out the product description:
While most towels come loose easily and must be constantly re-tied around the body, these wraps fasten in place and are fitted with pouch pockets…into which lip balm, jewelry, sunglasses, suntan lotion, or shampoos can be placed
It fits multiple shampoos! Plural! Beat that with your regular beach towel that holds no shampoos. And the really good news? The product description goes on to say that “one size fits most.” That’s potentially great for you…maybe…it depends…but probably…fingers crossed.
So, rub some zinc on your nose, pour yourself into your tiniest swimsuit and invite the sexiest girl you know (because there is also a Genuine Turkish Wrap for the ladies). We’re going to the beach!
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.