How fluent are you? Find out here.

Though people spend quite a bit of time learning foreign languages in high school and college, their language skills have a way of withering from inattention, like a dried-out potted plant sitting on a window sill.

But just how far have your language skills fallen? Here are some handy categories to help you find out:

Completely Fluent

You can converse with native speakers with ease, with knowledge of idioms and understanding of a wide range of accents. When someone says, “You speak Chinese? Let me hear some!” you answer with something that impresses just about everyone in the room.

You often suggest dining at ethnic restaurants where you can use your language skills to impress your date. When the waiter comes to take your order, you make a point to ask a question about something on the menu in the waiter’s native tongue, even though you didn’t care about the answer.

Partially Fluent

Though you’re approaching near-total fluency, you lack understanding of complicated grammar and certain non-literal expressions. You’re proficient at conjugating verbs, but uncommon tenses and certain irregulars can present problems.

Your rejoinder to the “Lemme hear some Chinese!” demand is still quite impressive, and virtually indistinguishable from the completely fluent speaker to the untrained ear.

Most importantly, when people ask if you’re fluent in a foreign language, you assure them that you are– completely.

Intermediate Skills

You have a good mastery of vocabulary, including nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. You can assemble multi-clause sentences, and understand the language when it is spoken clearly and slowly.

You’ve mastered several impressive-sounding phrases that you’ve basically adopted as party tricks. When you’re out on dates at ethnic restaurants, you can successfully order in a foreign language. Still, both the waiter and your date think you’re an asshole.

When asked if you’re completely fluent in a foreign language, you invariably answer, “No, but almost.”

Elementary Skills

You’ve memorized a number of basic nouns, verbs, and adjectives, and you can put together simple sentences. You spend the majority of your language classes reading and reciting banal conversations, as in:

“How are you?”

“I am well. Do you want to go to the discoteque?”

“Yes, I go to the discoteque with you.”

“Thank you.”

You really cannot foresee yourself ever becoming fluent, ever.

Smile and Nod

To put it bluntly, you haven’t understood a word anyone has said for the last hour. You have virtually no knowledge of any words– nouns, verbs, adjectives. Even if you did, you’d have no idea how to assemble those into anything resembling a coherent phrase.

You’ve perfected the art of the smile-and-nod. You think this is faking people into believing you know more of the language than you really do, but this is unlikely.

Your constant nodding has signified that you’re in agreement with everything that people have been saying– no matter how objectionable those statements might have been. You may well have just agreed with the assertion, “You know, Stalin wasn’t bad; he was just misunderstood.”

During conversation, you punctuate others’ statements with an agreeable “Ah!” or, alternatively, you furrow your brow and give a thoughtful “Hmm…”

When asked if you’re fluent in a foreign language, you– no surprise– smile and nod.

From the New Europe: Self-tapping pub promotes drinking games (and drinking)

The world is definitely about to get fully automated any day now. Just yesterday, I blogged about a German restaurant that’s based solely on automated service: no waiters, no tipping.

Today, I have a new culinary efficiency concept for you: the self-tapping pub. Leave it up to the Czechs–the world’s biggest beer consumers per capita–to invent a pub, where you don’t even need a waiter to get your beer. What waste of time!

The customers at “The Pub“, as the automated pub is actually called, can tap Pilsner Urquell beer from brewer Plze??ský Prazdroj at their tables, and a computer device on the tap keeps track of the standings of all tables in beer drinking. The scores are then projected onto a screen in the bar, Czech Business Weekly reports. The system enables customers to keep track of the beer drinking scores of all tables not only in the bar they are in, but also in all bars of the same chain across the Czech Republic. So far, they have branches in Prague, Pilsen, Hradec Kralove, Brno, Liberec, Karlovy Vary and Tabor.

The bars have Web cameras so that customers can see their competitors in different bars in the chain. They can also select which bar they would like to be in a beer drinking contest with and can send short messages via small screens on the tap. Needles to say, being able to see how much everyone else is drinking only promotes the competitive spirit among the pub guests. And that, I guess, is the idea.

The concept, started by two 24-year-old Czech men three years ago, has been been a smashing success in the Czech Republic. The chain might apparently soon be expanding to Poland, Russia and Italy.

Southern Baptists protest Alabama wine trail

Georgia has a wine trail. So do Florida and Tennessee. Now an Alabama trade association and a tourism group are joining the Southern ranks and adding a wine trail to Alabama’s list of attractions. Eight wineries operate in northern Alabama, and one vintner boasts that he’d put his wines up against California’s any day.

But a Baptist leader is protesting the idea of luring tourists with booze. The Rev. Robert Griffin, moderator of the Chilton Baptist Association and pastor of a Baptist church, maintains that his church is “on record as being opposed to any kind of alcohol-related industry.”

This isn’t the first alcohol incident the state has come against recently — in October, the state opened a liquor store on a Sunday afternoon in Birmingham. The governor intervened, and the agency promised it would never happen again.

This time it looks like the heathen booze-lovers won: brochures will list the eight participating wineries in Alabama. Those who visit all eight will get a special wine glass with all the logos from the wineries on it.

Welcome to “robot” restaurant, Germany

What do you get when you combine fine German engineering with the restaurant business? That’s right, you get a fully automated restaurant, or a food-serving roller coaster, as some like to call it.

Yes, folks, that’s Baggers restaurant in Nuremberg for you. You don’t need waiters to order food because customers use touch-screen TVs to browse the menu and choose their meal.

There are long metal tracks criss-crossing the dining area and run from the kitchen, high up in the roof, down to the tables, twisting and turning as they go, BBC reports. And down the tracks – in little pots with wheels fixed to the bottom – speeds food. “Supersonic sausages, high-pace pancakes and wine bottles whizzing down to the customers’ tables with the help of good old gravity.”

As far as I can tell, you still have to chew your meal, but give Germany a few more years and they might come up with a robot to do that for you, too.

Discount for “poor” Americans at Venice bar

The dollar might be low, but if you make your way to Venice you can count on a discount from Harry’s Bar, the renowned Venetian watering hole said to be the birthplace of the Bellini and Carpaccio, and where Ernest Hemingway himself downed martinis. Offering a discount to “poor” Americans who are suffering from the weak dollar is representative of a growing concern across Europe that a decrease in US tourists will have an effect on the tourism industry.

At the entrance of Harry’s Bar you now find a sign that says, “Harry’s Bar of Venice, in an effort to make the American victims of subprime loans happier, has decided to give them a special 20 percent discount on all items of the menu during the short term of their recovery.”

How bad is the current state of the US dollar? When the euro was first introduced in 2002, one US dollar was worth 1.10 euro. Today the same dollar gets about .64 euro, which makes the price of even a simple meal of nutella and a baguette expensive.

“Since the start of January, we noticed a drop in (American) customers of between five and 10 percent and now that we are in April its looks really frightening,” said Arrigo Cipriani, owner of Harry’s Bar. Then again, what better solution to economic frustration than a refreshing Bellini?