Galley Gossip: 20 ways to use a maxi pad in flight

by Heather Poole on

Before I share the list – 20 ways to use a maxi-pad in flight, I first must explain
how this post even came to be. I don’t want you to think I spend my time sitting around thinking about maxi pads. Trust me, there’s a method to the madness.

So there I sat at La Guardia airport in New York inside flight service operations, relaxing in a beat up, reclining chair, not watching the weather channel on the screen in front of me. I’d been sitting there for hours due to the fact it was my turn to serve standby. For those of you who aren’t familiar with airline lingo, standby is a term used when flight attendants on reserve are required to spend three to six hours, depending on the airline, at the airport just sitting around and waiting to be called out to work a flight in case someone doesn’t show up at the last minute. At my airline, this happens once or twice every reserve month.

On that particular day Sean sat in the recliner beside me. He’d been cracking me up since the moment I’d sat down. Now I’ve written about Sean in the past. In fact, he was the lead flight attendant, the one in charge, in the Galley Gossip post about a child who had gotten lost in first class. At some point our conversation turned serious and Sean shared a story about a medical emergency that forced him to become quite resourceful and do something that impressed me greatly. He used a maxi pad as a bandaid.

“You’re brilliant, Sean. You really are. I would have never thought of doing something like that,” I said, and that’s when it hit me, “hey, we should make a list of all the different ways we could use a maxi pad in flight!” We didn’t make the list, but we did laugh about it.

Flash forward three months later. On a flight to Los Angeles, I walked into the galley, looked up, and saw it – a maxi pad shoved between two ceiling panels. It was there to soak up condensation that would otherwise drip on me. Right then and there I knew I had to make the list, and with the help of my crew, flight attendants who never cease to amaze me, we came up with 20 unique ways to use a maxi pad in flight.

The day after the list was created a passenger on our flight back to New York stepped into the galley, held out a white sleeve, and in a British accent asked, “Do you have anything I can use to get this off of me?” Red lint covered her white cotton blouse. “It’s from the blanket!”

“I’m sorry,” said one of my coworkers. “There’s nothing we can really do…except give you a few wet paper towels to wipe it off.”

“But I’ve got somewhere important to be when I get off this flight and I can’t go looking like this!” she exclaimed, shaking both arms at us.

If we hadn’t made the list the day before, I would have never thought of using a maxi-pad as a lint brush, which means I would have never said, “Well…there is something we can use…” I nodded my head in the direction of the lavatory, smiling mischievously.

Heather, one of my colleagues, explained to the passenger that a strip of tape on the back of a maxi pad could be used to remove the lint- that is if she didn’t mind patting herself down with it. The passenger just nodded and then disappeared into the lav.

Two minutes later the passenger spun around in the galley and sang, “It worked! Thank you so very much.”

20 WAYS TO USE A MAXI-PAD IN FLIGHT…

  1. Headrest
  2. Oven mitts
  3. Light shade
  4. Condensation absorbent.
  5. Towel
  6. Mop
  7. Bag handle
  8. Hair remover
  9. Band aid
  10. Tape
  11. Arm rest
  12. Eye mask
  13. Lint brush
  14. Curtain holder
  15. Shoe insole
  16. Cool compress
  17. Beer koozie
  18. Coffee filter
  19. Post-it note
  20. YOU TELL ME!
  • That’s right, this is your chance to channel your inner flight attendant and come up with an interesting way to use a maxi-pad. Just leave a comment below and I’ll choose the best idea. May the best wanna-be flight attendant win!

    And just when you think you’re done with a post, you go to flickr.com to search for photos to go along with your bizarre post and find this…
    (just had to share!)

    Photos courtesy of (smiling girl) pinkcandylemon, (hair tie back) Hyesterical Bertha, (blister cover) Elizabeth Mcquern

Galley Gossip: A letter from a frequent flyin’, two-timin’, cheat!

by Heather Poole on
Dear Airline,

I remember the first day we met. It was love at first flight. We’ve shared countless hours together- oh the places we’ve gone. It’s been bumpy at times, but I always stuck up for you when people called you old and grumpy. I even stuck by you when you dropped service to Providence, my home town! But lately something has changed. You don’t treat me the way you used to. You started charging me for every little thing, even the things we used to enjoy for free. And now when I fly you, you seem to always be tired and give out on me before we even get anywhere. You’ve even gotten skimpy with the meals.

Well now there’s someone else. I won’t lie. Why you ask? Because she’s not falling apart. Her meals aren’t as good as yours, and sometimes I really DO miss your salty nuts, but the temptation is there. I know what you’re thinking, it’s that she can offer me the updated MD88 AND the MD90…and you can’t! It’s true, you’re right.

Maybe there’s still a chance for us- let’s fly it out. How about a day trip together. How about a nice double mad dog Chicago turn on my next day off? Lunch and Dinner on YOU? Maybe some wine? Let me know!

An “ex” frequent flier

Dear “ex” frequent flier,

I’m not the only one who has changed. Putting the blame on me is just so typical. There you sit with your salty nuts moaning and groaning about everything I do, meanwhile you haven’t put a hand in your pocket for years. You flew the lap of luxury for the cost of a coach ticket over the last ten years, never once thinking about how I’m always able to give, give, give and never ask for anything in return – other than your loyalty. As with every relationship something has to give!

While you continue seeking out the other carriers, always looking for a shinier, newer, prettier, airplane, I continue to fly the same routes day in and day out with every one of my seats occupied. Haven’t you noticed that others still find me attractive and whenever you leave someone is quick to take your place?

A new airline doesn’t always have more to offer, ya know? Don’t you realize that regardless of the color of my paint, the order in which you board, or the snacks I serve, when it comes down to it we’re all pretty much the same? That whenever you stray, you’re just trading in one set of problems for a whole new set – many times an even worse set! So please, for the love of God, show a little respect and stop blatantly checking out the competition. It only makes me feel worthless, unimportant, and unloved – after all we’ve been through together! Seriously, how long do you think I’m going to just sit at the gate and wait for you to come to your senses? And do you actually believe I’ll accept your apology when you come crawling back for more? Because we both know you will. You always do.

Instead of flying it out, why don’t you keep flying your new sweet little airline. Honestly, I can’t wait to see how long that lasts. I’ll bet money your little airline goes bust and you find yourself back on the road to qualifying miles. Sooner or later you’ll learn all that glitters isn’t gold, and then you’ll be right back to what you know. Yeah, I may be old and I may even be a little grumpy at times, but I still have what you want; cheap flights, decent service, and more routes than that new airline of yours!

Love,

The Old Airline.

P.S. Just because she says she’s a virgin doesn’t mean she is!

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Photos courtesy of Telstar Logistics and Ack Ook

Galley Gossip: In-flight emergencies – what are the odds?

by Heather Poole on
Standing at row 33 behind the beverage cart, I handed a passenger a Diet Coke with extra lime. That’s when another passenger came racing up behind me and yelled, “There’s a fire in the bathroom!”

A fire on the airplane is one of my biggest fears as a flight attendant. Only because I’m quite familiar with how quickly a fire can get out of control. Once, years ago, I lit an Aveda travel candle and placed it on a shelf in the bathroom of my crash pad. As luck would have it, the Aveda candle was housed in a silver tin that got so hot it melted the plastic shelf. The candle dropped into a wicker basket full of tissue. Within seconds the flames climbed the walls and jumped onto the fluffy toilet seat cover. To make a long story short, I frantically fought the fire and eventually was able to put it out. I was lucky that day.

I looked up the aisle at the lavatory the passenger was now pointing at, and though I couldn’t see any smoke, I turned to my colleague and said, “Call the Captain. I’ll be right back.”

Did I happen to mention that FAA was on board scrutinizing our every move?

My heart raced as I walked up the aisle. I had barely cracked the accordion door open when I heard passengers coughing loudly throughout the cabin. Smoke began billowing out of the trash receptacle. A cigarette, I guessed.

“I can’t breath!” I heard several passengers scream.

Quickly I shut the door, opened an overhead bin, grabbed a bottle of halon, pulled out the pin, and pushed the lavatory door back open. Pointing the hose at the fire, I pressed the lever and sprayed. I also prayed. Two seconds later a colleague handed me another bottle of halon. When that was empty, another tank was placed in my hands. The smoke grew thicker and thicker as the coughing got louder and louder. A giant hazmat-looking-hood that covers the entire head and provides oxygen while fighting fires was thrust upon me.

While I continued fighting the fire, my colleagues moved passengers and oxygen bottles away from the lavatory. Because the flight was full, passengers were doubled up. Then my colleagues passed out wet towels and instructed passengers to use them to cover their mouths.

As soon as the fire was extinguished, the Captain’s voice boomed, “Flight attendants, prepare for landing!”

Frantically we threw everything into the carts and locked it all in place. It was then we took our jumpseats and tried to catch our breath.

“Very good!” our instructors called out.

The FAA guy didn’t respond. He just sat there taking notes.

“Now grab your manuals and let’s go over what just happened,” an instructor said. And that’s what we did. We all grabbed our in-flight crew manuals and discussed what had happened and what we could have done better.

The above scenario took place in a controlled environment during my flight attendant recurrent training session. (Click the link to read what happened last year) It was also a re-enactment of what actually took place on a flight earlier this year. Each year flight attendants are required to go through hours of intensive hands on training, practicing everything from CPR to what we should do in case of a terrorist attack, and each year I leave the training facility feeling prepared for just about anything.

Whenever I write a post centering around customer service or flight safety, it never fails, there’s always someone quick to point out how rare it is that an in-flight emergency will occur. And that’s alway following by how bad customer service is today and how flight attendants should be replaced with vending machines – vending machines! I kid you not.

Besides having a very large woman pass out on top of me in the middle of the aisle, a man traveling from an international destination vomit all over my crew bag – and uniform blazer, a woman go unconscious not once, but twice, during a meal service, and wing flaps that wouldn’t go up one occasion, or down on another, resulting in the aircraft being met by dozens of emergency vehicles on the ground while I sat in my jumpseat ready to pop a slide and command an evacuation at any moment, not much has happened during my fourteen years of flying. The one and only time I had a serious medical emergency (a woman had a heart attack) two of my crew members happened to be qualified nurses and in business class traveled a group of doctors on their way to a medical convention. Like I mentioned above, I’ve been really lucky.

So what are the odds that an in-flight emergency will occur on one of your flights? I don’t know. What I do know is that I was surprised to meet several flight attendants at recurrent training this year who had, in fact, experienced several emergencies – each!

After fighting the fire, I found myself practicing CPR on the floor with a flight attendant I’d never met before. He was in charge of the AED, which meant he was the one delivering the electrical shock when advised. “Have you ever had to do this in real life?” I asked as I pulled off a pair of plastic gloves and placed a pocket mask in a box being passed around the room.

“Twice,” he said as he got to his feet and helped me up.

“Twice?” I repeated. “Are you serious?” I could tell by the look on his face it had greatly affected him.

The next class involved going through a planned emergency. A planned emergency happens when flight attendants are alerted in flight by the cockpit that an emergency landing will take place. Flight attendants will then go through a planned emergency check list step by step until all tasks have been completed. Remember the miraculous Hudson River landing? That was a planned emergency landing.

As we sat on the mock airplane waiting for the instructors to announce the names of the “working crew” I sighed. The stress was getting to me. “Thank god I’ve never had to do this in real life,” I mumbled to the guy sitting beside me.

“Oh I’ve had four planned emergencies and one unplanned emergency.”

I just looked at him. Then I said, “No offense, but I hope I never have to fly with you!”

“Why?” he asked, still smiling. “I’m lucky!” That’s when I realized he was lucky, very lucky indeed!
Then he added, “During one of the planned emergencies I worked with a flight attendant who had brought along his 8 year-old son. Can you imagine? What are the odds that the day you bring your child on a flight you’re working is the day an engine catches on fire and you have to make an emergency landing?”

Just then an instructor called my seatmate’s name to play the lead flight attendant during the planned emergency landing we were about to re-enact, along with eight other names. Mine wasn’t one of them, thankfully. Even so, I shook my head as I sat in my seat, just like a real life passenger, and thought about the so-called odds and what it all meant. I mean what were the odds that the one guy in the room most qualified to handle a planned emergency landing would be called out to role-play the flight attendant in charge? What were the odds that my CPR partner would have had to actually perform it in flight on two seperate occassions? What are the odds of anything, really? And in the end, do the odds even matter?

Are you a flight attendant who has experienced an in-flight emergency? Share your story here!

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Galley Gossip: Frequent flier pet peeve – rude flight attendants

by Heather Poole on
So heather. Tell me your opinion on this. Today I flew home from visiting my bubby in Boca and I was reminded of one of my biggest flight attendant pet peeves. The flight attendant working in first class, while addressing passengers to take drink orders and when checking in during the flight, asked..”what do you need” ? A call light would ring, she’d saunter out of the galley and bark, “what do you need”? I dunno why, but this bothers me. I think it’s borderline rude. It makes me feel like she feels bothered by the passengers.?. What do you think?

R.F.

P.S. These flights to MIA were not nearly as eventful as the last, but there was a man who boarded on his phone and freaked out because the boarding music was too loud. He lunged into the galley and requested it to be turned off. When it was, he sat in his seat and spoke louder than the music. Ahhhh!!! some people!

Dear R.F

There’s a reason I avoid the New York – Miami route! There’s always something out of the ordinary happening on that flight. Which is why I’m not at all surprised by the passenger’s request to turn down the boarding music so he could talk on his phone. Recently I was flagged down during the safety video because someone thought it was too loud and wondered if I could shut it off – shut it off! The video! The one that goes over what to do in case of an emergency! Because he’d seen it already.

That’s not all. Years ago on another flight I had a celebrity on board who happened to be traveling in first class with her infant son. She rang the flight attendant call light and said, “Do you think you can ask the Captain not to make anymore announcements. My son is sleeping.”

It was true, her son was sleeping, so I smiled, nodded, and walked straight to the cockpit. Oh how I couldn’t wait to relay that message and see the look on the Captain’s face.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a flight attendant it’s that we live in a me-me-me world. People are too quick to judge and lack empathy. I’m not just talking about passengers, I’m talking about flight attendants, too. Rarely do people take a step back in order to see the big picture. We’re all just so busy going, going, going that we’re unable to grasp anything other than what affects us personally.

Now I wasn’t on your flight, R. F., so I have no idea whether your flight attendant was rude or just not as articulate as you would have liked There’s a difference, ya know. But I understand what you’re getting at because there have been times I’ve found the request, “Give me Coke!” jarring. I’ve felt the same way about passengers who try to get my attention by tugging on my elbow or saying, “Pssst! Pssst! Pssst!” Then I remind myself that some people really don’t know any better. Doesn’t make them rude, mean, or stupid, it just means I have a lot to be thankful for. It sounds like you do, too.

While I agree with you that the phrase, “What do you need?” does come off rough and abrupt, keep in mind that a call light rang and she answered it – perhaps to the best of her ability. A request was made and she delivered it, whether or not she could have delivered it with a little more finesse is something we’ll never know. But she did do her job, regardless of the particular words used.

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Photo courtesy of Rkob (legs), lamazone (flight attendants)

Galley Gossip: The mile high club – a question and a story

by Heather Poole on

There’s a question I’m always asked whenever someone finds out I’m a flight attendant, a question that never ceases to amaze and simultaneously makes me cringe regardless of how often I hear it, a question about you guessed it – the mile high club.

“So…have you ever caught anyone joining the mile high club?” If it’s a single person doing the asking the question is usually direct and to the point, a just-the-facts-Ma’am kind of question, which I have no problem answering. But If it’s a couple doing the asking things can get a little creepy. Only because there’s always a quick glance at each other before the question is asked, followed by a nervous giggle between the words SO and HAVE, and a blush after the words MILE HIGH CLUB.

Now I actually began writing this post last month when someone going by the name of AlexaRPD asked the following question via twitter…

How many times have you caught people, uh, fraternizing in the bathrooms on one of your flights? Is there a standard, corporate policy about what to do with folks who get caught going at it on the planes?

That question led to a few tweets back and forth about flight attendants knocking and unlocking lavatory doors or hovering over guilty parties hiding under blankets. It didn’t take long before I realized all of this would eventually end up in a post. That post started out like this…

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Dear Alexa,

It’s been quite a few years since I’ve caught anyone joining the club. In fact, the last couple, a celebrity couple, I encountered exiting the lav looking a bit disheveled and not at all embarrassed have since divorced. Knowing what I know now, I’m not so sure they were even joining the club since they have a reputation for partaking of illegal substances. Joining the mile high club is not illegal. But that’s only if you stop doing whatever it is you shouldn’t be doing when you’re asked to stop doing it. Why? Because passengers are required by law to obey flight attendant instructions.

I had planned on writing more but for whatever reason became distracted and never finished the post. It happens. But a week later I found myself in a hotel in San Francisco not far from the airport. That’s where I turned on my computer, logged into twitter, and immediately received a few messages from three different followers about Alexa officially joining the club.

“No way,” I wrote back. “I don’t believe it.”

“She did! And she did it with three Marines! She wrote all about it on her blog!”

I could tell by the exclamation marks the guy was overly excited and needed a hard dose of reality. “I can barely fit in lav with my three year-old son, let alone another adult person,” I typed, my head shaking side to side. “How small were the marines?”

Out of nowhere Alexa tweeted, “I could care less if you believe me!”

“Cat fight!” several people tweeted at once.

“Send me the post!” I requested. Two seconds later a link popped up on my screen. I took a deep breath and clicked.

Yes, I really did read all about Alexa’s erotic escapade in an airplane lavatory with three Marines. Of course I read it purely for logistics, analyzing how something like this could have actually taken place in such a contaminated confined space without alerting other passengers or crew. Sure I was a little surprised to see myself, one of the flight attendants, briefly mentioned in the story. And relief actually swept over me when I realized there was some order involved. The Marines took turns.

Honestly, it’s really hard for me to believe that people actually are able (and want) to join the mile high club, especially in this day and age of air travel. Not just because the bathrooms are small, but because flights are full and people are almost always lined up to use the lavs. Whenever a passenger takes a longer amount of time than what might be considered normal, you better believe other passengers are quick to ask me to intervene.

knock, knock, knock – I’ll bang my fist on the door. Two seconds later I’ll ask, “everything okay in there?” Taking a deep breath, I pray that everything is, in fact, okay in there because I really don’t want to have to put my ear against the locked door and hear something I seriously didn’t want to hear.

Just when I thought I had finally finished with this post, I logged into twitter and typed, “Just finished the mile high club post.” Here are a few interesting responses…

  • I was once propositioned to join the club, but declined. The guy ended up buying me jewelry from the duty free cart instead. The good ole days!
  • I came uncomfortably close to joining in the lower lobe galley on a DC-10
  • I’ve never understood the ‘mile high’ club,as most seem to join in the lavatory. Do you know how dirty plane lavs are?
  • I’m a flight attendant and just had this discussion with some pax who were sitting across from my jumpseat!
  • If only the lavs were cleaner and larger
  • My advice for those considering is ONLY on the 777 with a passenger from your ticketed cabin – the loo between F and J – that’s ALL I’m saying

Don’t forget to check out the “G” rated mile high club!

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Photos courtesy of sparkypics (couple), Sagrado Corazon (flight attendant)